Moments in the Dark
by Talipatra
Summary: Moments in the life of Jake and Bella. T for language. Formerly Something on the Porch
1. Chapter 1: Something on the Porch

I pulled into my driveway and rested my head on the steering wheel. It was two in the fucking morning. Why? Why did I do this to myself? I was bone tired and felt like I was ready to drop dead. That had some appeal to it, since then I wouldn't have to go to work anymore.

I grabbed my purse and swung out of the car, freezing when I saw a dark shape on my porch swing. Who the hell was on my porch at two in the morning?

I climbed back into my car and shut the door, locking it as I rummaged around in my purse for my phone. My heart was hammering in my chest and my exhaustion was immediately forgotten as adrenaline kicked in. I stared at the shape for a long moment after my fingers wrapped around my phone. It didn't move but I knew it hadn't been there before I left for work.

I punched the speed dial for my best friend and bit my lip, my heart pounding in my chest. I hoped he was alone tonight. Leah slept over a lot these days and I'd hate to wake her up. She scared the shit out of me.

"Lo?"

"Jake," I whispered, terrified, "oh thank God. Jake, there's someone or something on my porch."

"What?"

I squeaked, terrified when I saw the shape start to move. I grabbed the release lever and flattened my seat so whatever it was couldn't see me. "Jake, there's something on my porch and I'm terrified to get out of the car. Can I come to your house and crash or is Leah there?"

"Why the hell are you just now getting home?" His voice was gruff from sleep. "Its two in the damn morning, Bells."

"I know but there was an emergency at the hotel with this Japanese guest and then people were late and I'm so tired and I don't know what to do." I stopped, fighting down terrified exhausted tears.

"Bells, look out your window."

"What?"

There was a tap on my car window and I screamed at the top of my lungs and nearly wet my pants. Jake was standing at my window, a grin on his face. I reached up, my hand shaking, and unlocked the door. He knelt by the car and pulled the lever, adjusting my seat as I suddenly dissolved into tears.

I could hear Jake laughing softly as he pulled me into his chest. "Shit, I'm sorry Bells. I really didn't mean to scare you."

"Why didn't you just let yourself in?" I sniffled, pulling back and wiping my eyes with the hem of his t-shirt.

He smoothed my loose hair back and kissed my forehead. "I got here a little before 11 and figured you'd be home any minute. I must have fallen asleep at some point. It's really nice out."

I nodded and hiccupped softly. I sighed and stood up, grabbing my purse again and locking the car behind me. Jake stood too and smiled at me hesitantly.

"Are you ok?"

I glared at him and swung my purse around, hitting him squarely in the chest. "No, you fucker, I thought I was about to be attacked by some creepy psycho hobo or something."

He rolled his eyes. "You were in your car. Why didn't you just leave?"

"I didn't know where to go."

"You can always come to my apartment."

"Well, you weren't there now were you?" I was starting to get annoyed. Jake pulled his key out and unlocked the front door, pushing it open and stepping back to let me in first. "Besides, Leah isn't exactly my biggest fan."

He sighed. "Well, that's not something you have to worry about anymore. We broke up."

I froze in the middle of unbuttoning my jacket. "Shit, I'm sorry. When?"

"Earlier tonight."

"Is that why you came over?" I asked, kicking off my heels.

He nodded. "Among other things." He ran his fingers through his hair, studying me tiredly.

I sighed and hung my jacket up on the hook by the door then turned and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry."

He laughed softly and kissed my hair, his arms wrapping around me. "Why are you sorry? You didn't like her and I just scared the shit out of you…almost literally."

I playfully swatted his arm as I pulled back. "I know but you liked her. You were with her for what, two years? I figured you'd marry her."

He followed me down the hall to my bedroom and settled in the small armchair while I ducked into my bathroom to change. "I may have but I realized a few things today and…I don't know. It doesn't seem like a good idea to marry someone who all my friends and family don't like."

I grinned to myself when I heard the TV flip on and settle on a game of some kind. I got ready for bed quickly, washing my face and brushing my teeth before grabbing my hair brush and heading into the bedroom. I settled on Jake's knee and handed him my brush. He rolled his eyes but started to brush my hair for me. He'd never admit it and probably call me a liar if I told others, but he secretly loved brushing my hair.

"So what'd you realize today?" I asked, closing my eyes sleepily as he gathered my hair in his hand and carefully brushed out the tangles.

"I realized I don't love Leah."

"That's a good thing to figure out before marrying someone," I agreed.

He hummed his agreement. We sat in silence, the game the only sound other than the soft whispering of the brush tines through my hair. Jake finally set the brush down on the table next to the chair and kissed the back of my neck. "Done."

I nodded and stood up. "So you want to crash here tonight?" I asked needlessly. He'd already toed out of his shoes and was in the middle of pulling off his shirt.

He laughed softly as I cracked the windows to let in the warm night air. Yet another part of living in South Carolina that I loved: balmy summer nights that meant I could sleep with the windows open. "Of course. Do I need to go to the guest room?"

I shook my head. "No, we're both single at the moment so there's no significant other to worry about pissing off."

I folded back the quilt and crawled under the sheet, staying on the side of the bed so Jake could have the majority of it. He flipped off the lights once I was situated and a moment later I felt the mattress sag under his weight. I was drifting off quickly but still rolled over to snuggle against Jake. Being best friends for nearly twenty-five years created a level of comfort neither of us had really been able to establish with anyone else. He wrapped his arms around me and I sighed contentedly.

"So am I your wing woman again?" I slurred.

"No, I think I'm done with looking."

"Celibacy doesn't suit you, Jake. You get mean."

"I'm not planning on celibacy either, Bells. I'm planning on you."

"Me?" I must be asleep already. Jake and I had danced around this for years now, no way was he going to just leap in there now. It was like we had some sort of unspoken agreement to pretend that the drunken confessions a few years ago hadn't happened.

"You." He kissed my forehead again and it was a little different this time. "I realized today that it's always been you and it's always going to be you. I compare every woman I meet to you and hold her up to impossible standards. Today I realized I should just be with you."

"Shit, is this a dream?" I laughed softly. "No way are we already admitting our feelings."

"Bella." Jake pushed me back from him slightly, tipping my chin up. "This is not a dream. I'm being honest here." He lowered his mouth and covered mine with it. His lips were warm and soft and perfect. Better than I'd thought it would be. "But we'll talk more in the morning. For now, sleep."

I stared at him in shock, then nodded dumbly. Whatever had just happened, I'd figure it out in the morning.

I woke up the next morning to Jake's hot breath on the back of my neck. He was snoring loudly, his breath moving my hair in a way it tickled my ear. His arm was wrapped securely around my waist, anchoring me to the mattress and his chest. I rolled my eyes and started to wriggle out of his grasp carefully. Nature was calling and I was not one to ignore her. I managed to get to a point where my butt was free and my lower half was somewhat off the edge of the bed, but my face was now pressed against Jake's chest.

His skin was warm and smooth. I always teased him about waxing or shaving, but was secretly envious my Native American friend seemingly had less body hair than I did. Jake responded once that as a race, the Native Americans were just sexy that way.

"What are you doing, Bells?" his raspy morning voice startled me and I jerked away from him, landing hard on my butt.

"I have to pee," I said in a small voice.

He laughed as he pulled himself over to the edge of the bed and looked down at me affectionately. "So go."

I pushed myself up awkwardly and made my way into the bathroom. "So what time are you working today?" he called after me.

"I'm taking today off," I called back, the irony of the situation striking me. I'd never been to the point where I really felt comfortable with any of my exes hearing me pee and yet, I'd actually peed in front of Jake a time or two on camping trips as kids.

"Why?"

"I figure working from 7 am until 2 am yesterday warrants it, don't you?" I flushed and turned on the water to wash my hands and brush my face.

"Works for me."

"What about you?" I asked, poking my head into the bedroom with my toothbrush in hand.

He grunted. "I have to find an apartment. Since Leah and I broke up, she wants me to move out. Go figure."

I made a sympathetic face at him as I brushed.

"Think you could go with me?" he looked hopeful.

I grinned and nodded, returning to the bathroom to spit and rinse. "Ooo, or better yet, move in with me," I exclaimed, coming back into the room and crawling into bed next to him. "You always said you'd live with me if you could. Just do it. We're not in college anymore so it's not like Dad or Billy can really complain too much."

He looked at me with surprise as I practically bounced on the mattress in my excitement. I loved my little house, I really did, but if I were going to be really honest, I hated living alone. It was downright creepy at times. And there was that whole safety factor. Charlie had given me a little gun that was in my nightstand drawer but I was afraid to use it. In fact, the bullets were in the bathroom medicine cabinet. I was pretty sure I'd get murdered before I had a chance to load the gun and fire it.

"You want me to move in? Isn't that a little fast?"

I frowned. "Twenty-five years is not fast, Jacob Black. Fast would be if we met twenty-five minutes ago."

He pushed me lightly, catching me off balance and making me lose my balance and topple backwards, doing a summersault off the bed. I landed with a whump on my back.

"Maybe I should live alone," I grumbled when his shocked face appeared over the side of the bed.

"I didn't realize you were so easy to knock down," he teased. I grabbed his jeans off the floor and tossed them at him, draping them over his head.

"Yeah yeah," I muttered, climbing back into the bed. "You're just a fucking giant with super strength and I'm a little midget or something."

He was laughing now and I pushed him, doing absolutely nothing. This turned into a small wrestling match, which Jake, as usual, won. He was sitting on my thighs, my hands pinned above my head in his. I stuck my tongue out at him and started to tug lightly against his grip. He grinned and leaned down, his lips stopping centimeters from mine. My breath caught in my throat.

"So you don't think me moving in with you after only really admitting I love you last night is too soon?"

"Were you for real about that?" I asked softly.

"Fuck yes." He brushed his lips against mine. "I'm done looking for the wrong women, especially when I've got the right one right where I want her." He kissed the juncture of my jaw and my neck and I sighed softly.

"What if I don't feel the same?" I asked, forcing myself to tease since I couldn't move my body and wrap my legs around him like I really wanted.

"Oh you do. I know you Bells." He grinned at me and released me, sitting back, his legs on either side of me.

I propped myself up on my elbows and grinned at him. "Oh you do, do you?"

He nodded and stretched out beside me, trailing his fingers along the bare skin between the top of my panties and where my night shirt had ridden up. "I do. You're a little flushed, which means you're turned on. You're about to start blushing like crazy because I just said I know when you're turned on."

I hit him with a pillow as I felt my face heating up. He laughed and grabbed my forearms, pulling me against his chest. "I know when you're upset because you won't look me in the eye. If you do, you burst into tears. When you're scared, you call me and let me come rescue you, even if you're seeing someone. When you're happy, really happy, you have this great belly laugh that is incredibly infectious and I can't help but join in.

"I know that you hate coffee but drink it anyway because you need the pick-me-up it gives you every morning.

"You hate fishing but you go with me and the dads every time because you love all of us so much."

"This is all information you got from knowing me for 20 years," I protested "not because you love me."

"But because I know you I love you. I know you so well, Bells. I know when you're grumpy and when you're pissed and everything. No one knows you like I do."

I pushed up and studied him. "I know you pretty well, Jacob. I know that when you're plotting something from the gleam you get in your eyes. I know when you've been around people too long because you get snippy, even with me. I know the best way to fix that is to send you out into nature by yourself for a while.

"I know that you want kids more than anything in the world and that you want to raise them on the res like you were raised. I know that you've already got names picked out and that you secretly buy little baby items you don't want anyone to know about." His eyes widened at that one and I grinned. "You're such a girl sometimes."

He pinched me lightly. "You're wrong. There's something I want more than kids."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really. I want you more than anything in the world. You're going to be the mother to Annessa and Molly and Lucas and Bill."

I laughed. "Bill huh?"

"Bill." He pulled me down and kissed me again, a real lover's kiss this time. I sighed against his mouth and let myself melt against him.

"So what are we waiting for?" I asked softly.

"What do you mean?"

I grinned. "Let's just do it. Let's have a baby."

His eyes widened and I felt another part of him wake up. "Are you serious?"

I shrugged and shifted my arms so they were around his neck. "Sure. We love each other, we know each other. Let's have a baby."

"And marriage?"

"Oh yeah. We could do that first if you want."

He laughed and pulled me against him for another kiss. "Sure sure, but can we practice the baby stuff first?"

"Fuck yes."

***

Tali: I know, this is weird. Sorry. I kinda liked it. It was another dream I had. Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2: Sweating on the Bed

Tali: I seriously had no intention of continuing this story, but this chapter kind of came to me after reading a one shot of Bella and Jacob asleep at night in the heat. I liked it and stole the idea and twisted it. I'm so sorry, I can't remember the name of the story so if you know, let me know and I'll post it in here.

Hope you like it!

***

I flopped onto my back, gasping in the humidity. Jake was snoring loudly next to me, practically shaking the damn bed. I scowled at him and pushed his arm off my chest. Maybe this whole "let's have a baby" thing wasn't really well thought out. Especially since I hadn't gotten pregnant right away and was now hugely pregnant in the hottest month of the year.

Jake rolled onto his side and his heavy hot hand found my breast, squeezing it lightly in his sleep. I scowled at him and shoved at his arm. It didn't budge. I kicked off the sheets and fanned myself. I'd wonder if I was going through menopause if it wasn't for the fact that I was only 26 and had a giant baby belly. If this was anything like menopause, I'd likely commit suicide during it. Or homicide. Either way, someone was dying.

Jake stopped snoring for a moment and I looked over. He wasn't breathing. My heart started to pound as the silence dragged out.

"Jake?" I whispered.

He suddenly sucked in a great lungful of air, rolling over and onto me, his breath hot on my neck. I _hated_ it when he did that. It scared the shit out of me. It didn't happen that much but still. I was not a fan of the 30 seconds or whatever of him not breathing. I shoved against him uselessly. Dude was dead weight on top of the fact that he weighed probably twice what I did.

"Jake, wake up," I shouted.

He sat up, his hand still on my breast, and looked around wildly. "Is it time? Bella, where are you?"

"I'm here." I tapped on his shoulder and he jumped, tumbling off the bed in his surprise. I laughed and climbed off the bed, stripping off my sweat soaked nightgown in the process and grabbing his t-shirt off the floor.

"What's going on? Is it time? I'm so ready."

"It's not time, you were smothering me."

"Are you sure it's not time? The sheets are damp."

"Cause I was sweating. It's not time."

"Oh." He visibly relaxed and settled back on the bed, watching as I twisted my hair up off my neck. "You're pretty."

I shot him a dirty look. "I'm too hot to even be amused by the idea of sex right now."

"It might make you feel better."

"It so wouldn't. Seriously, Jake, use your magic mechanical abilities and fix the damn air conditioner before I melt into a puddle of hair and baby."

"I ordered the part Bells, I can't make it get here any sooner."

I groaned and fanned myself with the hem of the shirt. I was beyond caring how much of my pregnant body he saw at this point. I just wanted to be cool. I was contemplating sleeping in a bathtub full of water and probably would have done so if I wasn't afraid of hypothermia.

"Come on, come back to bed. I promise to stay away from you and to go out and buy as many oscillating fans as I can find in the morning."

"How can you sleep in this heat, Jake?" I grumbled, grabbing the sheets and blankets and pulling them fully off the bed. He grinned from his stretched out position on the bed. In any other state on any other day, he'd look sexy and appealing. Not now and not like this. I scowled at him.

"I just can. I've got a remarkable ability to sleep anywhere, remember?" he grinned at me. I threw a throw pillow at him that he easily caught.

"I hate you."

"No you don't," he said easily. "You hate the heat and the discomfort. You adore me."

I grunted my response before lying back down. True to his word, he stayed on his side of the bed, though his hand did find mine in the middle of the mattress. He laced his fingers in mine and sighed softly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I'm sorry you're hot. Do you want to go to a hotel?"

I made a face. "No thanks. We don't exactly have the funds for something like that since I quit my job."

"They should give you a room to make up for pain and suffering."

I snorted. "Yeah, right. I can just see Steve jumping up and ushering me into a chair while Edith brings me a cold drink and Carla checks me in."

He chuckled softly, his thumb rubbing circles on the top of my hand. My palm was sweating but strangely, it was ok. I could endure sweaty palms to hold hands with Jake.

"I could call Leah," he offered.

I reached over and punched him in the arm. "Not even an option."

"Yeah, I heard she's living with Jared now."

"Jared from the garage?" I asked with surprise.

He nodded. "Yeah. That place has so much swapping going on its insane."

I giggled. "It's all _90210_ in there."

He frowned. "What?"

I sighed. "You don't remember my obsession with _90210_ in college? Shit, Jake, I made you watch practically every episode with me."

"I've blocked it out."

I chuckled. "Well, suffice it to say there was more partner switching than a square dance tournament."

"Seriously, how old are you? Square dancing?"

I laughed out loud then and rolled onto my side to look at him.

"Shut up. You adore me."

He rolled onto his side and grinned. "Yeah I do."

He reached forward and lightly traced my jaw line with his fingertip. He was all about touching me, moreso than he had been before we became "us." I grinned as his finger traced my lips and I kissed it.

"So you don't regret it?"

I snorted. "Regret what? Telling my best friend I love him? Allowing him to put his giant baby in me? Quitting my shitty job?"

"In my defense, it wasn't giant when I put it in you."

I snickered. "You're very right and I was enjoying the process so I can't fault you for that. I'm just not so sure I'm on board with the size it's getting to be and how it's supposed to come out."

"At least the dads are on board with the whole thing."

I nodded. "Oh yes. I think they're more excited about a mutual grandchild than anything else."

"And your mom?"

I grunted and rolled over, my back to him now. "She's being Renee. God, do you know how weird it is to be pregnant at the same time as your mother?"

"Well, not from personal experience but I hear you bitch about it a lot." His hands were lightly rubbing my back now. His hands were hot on my skin but the massaging felt so nice I didn't really care. Well, not enough to make him stop.

"Hush you."

He chuckled softly and I felt his lips hot on the back of my neck.

"God, is any part of you less than a million degrees?" I grumbled, pulling away from him slightly.

"Sorry. Want me to sleep in the guest room?"

I rolled back over and sighed. "No, I don't sleep well without you anymore. You've spoiled me for sleeping alone you freak."

"Want me to go get you some water or something?"

"No, I'm fine. Just hot and grumpy."

He nodded. "I'll go get ice cream if you want."

"Jake, I'm fine," I laughed. "Besides, we finished that off after dinner, remember?"

"Yes but I'll go get you some. Knock over a Cold Stone if I have to."

"Aw, you'd go to jail just so I could have some ice cream?"

"Definitely."

I grinned. "And that's why you're my guy."

"Was there any question?"

"Well, you know Embry's pretty good looking. There was that one time he gave me a ride home when you had to work late and my car broke down."

He narrowed his eyes at me and rolled over, covering my body with his. "You're jokes do not amuse me little girl."

I grinned and awkwardly hooked my knee around his hip. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

He lowered his face and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He rolled back off of me, pulling me as close to him as the belly would allow, my knee still over his hip.

"Mrs. Black, you've let someone come between us," he grinned, one hand wrapped around my shoulders, the other palming my belly.

"I couldn't help it. He grew on me."

He laughed softly and kissed me again. "Since we're not sleeping…" he let the unspoken question hang heavy in the air and I sighed.

"Seriously, Jake. Too hot."

"Ok. Just thought I'd ask again." He smiled down at me. "Can we try to sleep then?"

"Yeah fine. If I can't, though, I'm totally watching scary movies."

"As is your right." He kissed me again, then moved and kissed our child. "You: come out soon so your mama stops being a bitch and so I can get some action."

"As if that's going to all happen at once."

"Yeah, well, the chances of it happening at all are significantly improved with you not being pregnant anymore."

"Shut up and go to sleep."

"Yes mother."

I hit him with my pillow lightly but he just grinned and rolled over, his back to me. To my complete and utter dismay he was snoring again within a few minutes. I closed my eyes and started the bedtime routine I'd had since I was a kid: telling myself stories in my head. It was weird, sure, but it usually worked since Renee wasn't much into bedtime stories and Charlie didn't like reading aloud.

The characters in my head had somehow ended up in a steamy sex scene that was making me rather uncomfortable. I shifted in the bed, grimacing as the t-shirt stuck to me damply. Great. I was going to be out of dry clothes at this rate.

I studied Jake's back as he slept peacefully, the long muscles and the silky smooth skin. He was wearing just a pair of black boxers and I envied him that. If I wasn't pregnant, I'd totally be sleeping naked right now.

I huffed and rolled awkwardly out of bed, waddling into the kitchen. I pulled a glass out of the cabinet and poured myself some water from the fridge, downing it all quickly, loving how the cold clear water cooled me off a little from the inside. It was almost time, I could tell from how my body had felt a little…off…all day. The baby hadn't moved as much, mostly due to the lack of space, though I had seen his elbow go across my belly like something out of a horror movie. I half expected him to burst through my stomach and start tap dancing with a bow tie, spats, cane and top hat but he'd settled after that and hadn't done much since.

I wandered into the room we'd set up for him. It was decorated in a beautiful robin's egg blue and a rich chocolaty brown, the furniture all second hand from Sam, Jake's boss, and Emily wince their daughter had out grown it. We'd repainted it dark brown and Mom had sent up some cute bedding. Everything was ready. I even felt kind of ready. And that wasn't a total lie either.

I grimaced as a slightly stronger pain bloomed in my stomach and lower back. I'd been feeling them off and on all day but was not interested in spending hours in the hospital. Though, now that I thought about it, the hospital would have air conditioning. And Jake _did_ have the ability to sleep anywhere. I'd seen him sleep on a woodpile once.

I looked around the room again, my pulse picking up. Soon enough, this would be my son's bedroom. It would have his smell, and someday, his personality splashed around it. His favorite teams or bands or, god forbid, half naked women would grace the walls. The floor would be littered with papers and clothes and books.

God I hoped I never caught him in here with a girl. I got a little angry just thinking about finding my baby boy with a girl.

"Dammit, he's not even born yet, no WAY is he thinking about sex," I muttered to myself.

I picked up the teddy bear Dad had sent. It had been mine when I was a kid and his before that. It was definitely showing its age but now it would have a new owner. I carried it into the entryway and tucked it into my purse, since I couldn't really bend down to put it in my bag.

Soon enough. Soon, it would all be over and the next stage would begin. I was excited and terrified and nervous and giddy and it was giving me a headache.

I wandered back into our room and crawled into the bed, awkwardly spooning Jake. His snores turned to awkward snuffling and then stopped.

"Bella?" his voice was raspy.

"Yeah."

"I thought you were hot."

"I am. I just want some cuddle time with you before it all changes."

"Well, roll over. He's poking me."

I grinned and obeyed. A moment later, Jake's arms encircled me, holding me tightly, safe and secure…and overwhelmingly hot. I grunted and he laughed softly, loosening his hold, pulling back slightly so only one large hand was resting on my stomach.

"Better?"

I nodded and closed my eyes. "Much."

I felt his lips on my hair.

_Soon_, I thought as another pain spread through me. I heard Jake's breath hitch.

"Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"Your stomach."

"It was a contraction. Go back to sleep. I'll tell you when its time."

"Are you sure?"

I laughed softly and patted his hand with mine. "I'm sure. We won't have the baby on the way or in the house or the car. I'm keeping track. Probably in the morning."

"You're weird."

"And yet you chose me to carry your spawn. Who's the real freak?"

"I love you."

"Yeah, I know."

He settled on the bed again but I knew he wouldn't go back to sleep. Not for a while anyway.


	3. Chapter 3: Cooking in the Kitchen

Tali: Alright, I guess I'm writing a full story here. Hm…let me know what y'all think!

***

I hummed softly to myself as I stirred the pot of chili. It was cold outside and perfect for chili. I was hopeful that we'd even get snow, though I was skeptical. There wasn't much snow in this part of South Carolina.

"Bella?"

I looked up and smiled at Jake. He was standing in the doorway, his hair sticking up all over the place as he peered at me through sleepy eyes.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"No, the smells did. Why the fuck are you cooking at 2 in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep. I got up to deal with Lucas and when he went back down I started picking the turkey off the bone from dinner yesterday and decided to make chili."

He stared at me. "You're making chili. At 2 in the morning."

"Yes."

He rolled his eyes and stepped over, looking down into the pot. "Smells good."

"Thanks."

He grabbed the ladle and lifted it carefully to his lips, sampling. "Tastes good, too."

I chuckled and nodded. "I'm not a bad cook, but thanks for the vote of confidence."

"I'm not surprised," he chuckled, turning and leaning against the counter. He grabbed my hips and pulled me against him, kissing me deeply. I straddled his legs with my own and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He slid his hands down my back to cup my butt, lifting me and pulling me against him before turning and settling me on the counter. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him closer to me. His hands skimmed under my top, his fingertips brushing against my breasts.

"No, they hurt."

He nodded and moved his hands down, hooking his fingers on the waistband of my pants. I leaned forward and he held my weight for a moment, unsure. "What?" he finally panted.

I grinned. "Not on the counter. I cook there. Floor?"

He grinned at me and carefully lowered us onto the floor, resting me on my back on the mat in front of the sink. I laughed softly as he pulled my pants down and rid himself of his own. "Do I need to grab a condom," he asked, kissing the inside of my thighs, slowly working his way towards my body.

"No," I grunted as his lips made contact with my skin. "Oh shit, not if you're just doing that." I tangled my fingers in his hair and pressed his face against me, curling my toes against his calves.

I closed my eyes and whimpered when his tongue found the sweet spot and played with it a little. "Shit."

He laughed softly, the vibrations feeling amazing against my skin. It was enough and I came undone, right there on the kitchen floor with Jake's head sandwiched between my thighs.

He was grinning when I opened my eyes again, hovering over my face this time. I grinned and reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him back down on top of me, kissing him again. "I owe you one for that, that was nice."

He chuckled softly and pushed my knees up and out. "I think we're even since you had to push a ten pound baby out. That was my way of thanking her."

I grinned and then grunted softly as he found me. "Hey there."

He closed his eyes and moved against me. I shivered slightly as the rug got rumpled up underneath me and my bare skin made contact with the cold tile floor.

"You ok?"

I nodded and reached down, grabbing his butt and pulling him against me. he grunted and adjusted his hands on either side of me. I adjusted my hips and pulled him in deeper.

"Shit," he grunted, shuddering against me for a moment before collapsing heavily to the side of me, pulling me onto his chest.

"Hey there," I grinned, resting my forehead against his chest.

He laughed softly, tightening his arms around my waist. "I've been wanting to do that for ages."

"Why haven't you?"

He opened his mouth to say something when Lucas' cry drifted down the hall towards us. He laughed softly and helped me up into a standing position, holding on to my arms until I was steady. "That's why. You're generally exhausted after taking care of him all day."

He handed me my pants and I pulled them on before heading down the hallway to tend to Lucas.

He was wide awake, his face screwed up and his mouth wide open as he squalled.

"Oh hush, you're perfectly fine," I murmured, picking him up and holding him against my shoulder as I grabbed a blanket and draped it over him. He started shifting to the side, rooting for my breast. "Easy there, cowboy," I laughed, grabbing him with my other hand and settling in the chair. His momentary calm was quickly dissipating.

I opened the front of my shirt and shifted him into place. He immediately latched on and started nursing. I sighed and shook my head. "Pig."

He locked eyes with me and I grinned at him. "I mean that in the best way. Your dad's a pig, too."

"See, this is why I wish you would pump more. You sit in here and tell him all these things about me and I don't get a chance to defend myself."

I looked up and laughed as Jake settled into the folding chair he'd put in Lucas' room for him to sit in while I was in here. "Well, I'm not lying am I? You eat like it's going out of style."

"Maybe it is and I'm not aware. I have to keep on top of things. You never know what meal is going to be your last."

I shook my head in amusement. "So you eat so fast you don't enjoy any of it?"

"It's a sacrifice."

I laughed softly and started rocking. Lucas' eyelids were already drooping as he nursed. If I could get him back to sleep soon we'd be doing good.

"So your boobs hurt, huh."

"Yeah."

"I miss them."

I laughed. "I know you do. When he stops I'm sure they'll stop hurting."

"And you really want to do this for a year?"

"At least."

"I'm jealous of my own son."

I threw my head back and laughed. "Oh come on. You shared your playground with him for nine months, you can't share that for another six months?"

"Bella, its been six months and five days since we had sex."

I stopped rocking and stared at him in shock. "You know for a fact?"

"Yes. We had sex a few days before he was born and not since. You couldn't for the first three, then the last three you've been exhausted because of holidays and travel and shit. Your mom being here for two weeks over Christmas didn't help."

"I'm sorry. I didn't really realize it had been so long."

He shrugged and smiled. "It's ok. I just reverted to puberty."

I grimaced. "Please tell me you don't jack off in our bed."

"No, I have the decency to do it in the shower."

I rolled my eyes. "Horny bastard."

I pulled Lucas away and he started to fuss again, his eyes opening.

"Oh hush," I laughed softly. "I'm just switching sides." I gave him my other breast and he calmed down.

"What does it taste like?"

I looked up at Jake. "Seriously? You're that hungry?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Not hungry, curious."

I rolled my eyes and motioned him over. He grinned and knelt beside me, carefully taking my nipple in his mouth and gently suckling. I laughed softly at the feeling of it. He sat back after a moment and grinned at me, licking his lips.

"Tastes like melon."

I snorted. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Well, ok then."

He adjusted my top, his fingers lightly brushing my breast. He lightly dragged his fingertips across my skin and I shivered slightly. He grinned up at me, his eyes darker in the dim light.

"Jake," I breathed as his fingers ghosted over my stomach.

"Yeah?" He paused and looked up at me.

"Go stir the chili?"

He stared at me for a beat, then a smile spread across his face slowly and he withdrew his hand. He pushed himself up, leaned over to kiss me, and left the room.

I looked back down at Lucas. He was fast asleep again, his mouth working as he nursed for comfort now. I smiled and traced the curve of his cheek with my fingertip before pulling him away and covering myself. I wiped his mouth and propped him against my shoulder, rubbing his back to get a little burp. He rewarded me with a little spit up and I grinned as I shifted him again, laying him in his crib. I grabbed the blanket and draped it over him lightly before heading back into the kitchen.

"Are you going to stay up all night while this cooks?" Jake asked with a yawn.

I shook my head and snuggled against his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. "No. I'll put it on low and stir it whenever I get up with Lucas."

He laced his fingers in the small of my back and smiled down at me. "I could stay up with you if you like."

I grinned and stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him. "I'd be ok with that. No marathon or anything, but I'd be up for a little light petting."

"I'm totally on board with that." He scooped me up and carried me down the hall to our room. I laughed when he gently tossed me on the bed and crawled in after me.

I laughed and pushed him off of me and dropped my shirt on the floor. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Lucas spit up on me, not that you noticed."

"It's all part of the aroma of our family now," he shrugged, kissing my collarbone and gently cupping my breast. His shaggy hair felt like silk against my skin as he kissed his way down my chest to my stomach.

I grabbed his face and brought it back up to mine. "I'm sorry I've been distant."

"I understand, Bells. I'm not complaining. I'm just happy you're here with me now."

"You're such a fucking girl sometimes," I giggled, smoothing his hair. "Your hair is getting long, you know. Maybe time for a haircut."

"Seriously? You're talking to me about my hair while I'm trying to molest you?"

I grinned. "You're the one being all understanding and shit. It's nice and all but still…it's weird. You're supposed to whine about wanting sex all the time."

"So I'm not allowed to be evolved?" he teased, raising an eyebrow as he somehow managed to slip my pants down, dropping them over the side of the bed. "You're acting like you don't want this to happen. You can just say no. I've never pressured you before and I'm not going to start now."

I sighed. "I guess I'm just anxious. I'm not the same as I was. Everything's…wider."

He laughed softly and kissed my stomach. "I know and I don't care. I was there a little while ago and it still felt fucking awesome." He rested his chin on my stomach and looked up at me with those gorgeous puppy dog eyes.

"Really?" I stroked his hair gently.

"Really. Everything with you feels good."

I smiled and rubbed his hairline behind his ears. He closed his eyes and sighed softly in contentment.

"You're my favorite wife."

"Yeah? Over all those other bitches you pick me?"

"I do. You know the sweet spots baby."

I chuckled. "So why even have the others?"

"Well, I need someone to cook for me and sex when you're unavailable."

"Oh, of course. that makes sense. That's why I keep a couple extra boyfriends around."

He laughed softly, moving down and kissing my hip. I groaned softly as his mouth found me again.

"God knows I love that, but you don't have to Jake."

He said something but it was muffled by my body. I laughed and gripped his ears, lifting them. "I was saying I don't mind. You taste good."

I raised my eyebrows at him but he winked at me and put his face back down. I closed my eyes and fisted his hair. This always felt amazing.

When I finished, we traded places. Even after the earlier escapades in the kitchen, he didn't last very long. I was secretly relived. Blowjobs were not my favorite activity, though I did them for Jake when I'd never gone down on another boyfriend.

He pulled me up beside him on the bed, wrapping his top leg around mine and sighing softly as I tucked my forehead into his nook. He ran his fingers up and down my spine lightly, kissing the top of my head.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"You should sleep now. He'll be up in a little while."

I nodded and closed my eyes, snuggling closer to Jake's chest. "I'm glad you're warm."

He snorted. "Yeah, now you are. Come July you'll hate me again."

"That's just how I roll, baby."

He chuckled again. I was almost asleep when Jake's lips were at my ear. "Bella, it's snowing."

I smiled drowsily and snuggled impossibly closer. That just made this night more perfect.


	4. Chapter 4: Presents in the Morning

I stared out the window at the snow covered yard and wrapped my fingers around my mug. I'd actually garnered an appreciation for the snow since we didn't see it in South Carolina much. It was the first time Lucas had seen so much of it and he was a little overwhelmed. I smiled, remembering his excitement about it earlier that day being quickly quashed when some of the cold wet snow got down the back of his shirt. It had been a poorly lobbed snowball from his dad, but that didn't stop him from running to Daddy for comfort. Jake had laughed and carried him inside to the warmth and comfort of Momma.

Everyone was sleeping now, the quiet of La Push somehow deeper and calmer than the quiet of home or even Forks. The little red house was set back enough from the road that if any cars drove by in the night, the sound didn't reach us. There were no street lights shining in our windows either.

Dad was asleep in the girls' old room, having come out to the res so we could all spend Christmas morning together. It was the first one here in Washington since Lucas had been born, his first having been spent with Renee and her son, Kyle. The two boys did not get along, so I'd decided any future visits with them would have to be short. No more two week long visits to either South Carolina or Florida. Washington, however, was definitely feasible. Lucas loved all the kids running around up here.

His second Christmas had been with Charlie in Forks and it had been quiet. He was the center of attention and that had made him a little annoying. We'd had to deal with that for a few days once we got back home. The knowledge that there were lots of kids his age here at the res made it our destination for this Christmas. I was beginning to think we'd come here every Christmas we traveled.

"I thought it was little kids who woke up in the middle of the night for Christmas."

I turned and grinned at Jake's teasing. "Nope, big kids too sometimes."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, looking out at the snow with me. "You ok?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Perfect. Content. Lonely."

I shook my head as one of his hands slipped under the waistband of my flannel pants. "You're attempting to seduce me in your dad's living room?"

"I would attempt to seduce you in my childhood bedroom, which would be way fucking hot, by the way, but you skipped out on me."

"I did not skip out," I protested with a laugh, pulling weakly on his forearm as his fingers started their magical dance. I arched my back a little, pressing into him. I set the mug down on the windowsill clumsily and reached one hand up behind me, tangling it in his hair. "I woke up and went for a walk."

"You could have woken me up, too." His breath was hot on my neck and I sucked in my breath as he hit the sweet spot.

"Shit," I moaned softly.

He grinned against my neck and kissed his way towards my shoulder.

"Jake, stop," I said softly.

"Ok." He sighed and pulled his hand out of my pants, wrapping his arms around my waist again. "Why?"

"I feel weird doing shit like that in public areas of other people's homes."

"It's just my dad. He knows we have sex, Bella."

I grinned and reached up, thumping him lightly. "I realize this. I just don't want him to like, walk in on us doing so."

"He'd roll in, actually. I'd hear him coming."

I grinned and turned in his arms, looking up at him. "Not if you were coming."

He grinned and pressed against me, pinning me to the windowsill. It wasn't very comfortable. "True."

"Come on, we should go back to bed."

"Can I play in bed?" He looked so hopeful.

I laughed and shook my head. "No, Lucas is going to wake up in about half an hour and want to open presents."

"I can be fast, Bells, I swear."

"Shit, Jake," I laughed again, pushing him off of me and retrieving my mug. "You're 28 years old. You should have calmed down some by now."

"Nope, not gonna happen."

I grinned and took my mug to the kitchen, rinsing it out and setting it in the sink. "So are we going to tell them today?"

"Yep."

He reached out and grabbed my hand, lacing my fingers with his and pulling me along behind him towards his bedroom.

It was small, too small for a growing boy, and much too small for a giant of a man and his wife, unless they were very affectionate. Which, thankfully, we were.

He crawled into the small bed, his back against the wall, and held his arms out for me. I snuggled up against his chest and he kissed my neck and moved his hands down my body. I sighed softly and pulled his hands up and planted them firmly on my lower back.

"You know if we get into anything frisky, someone will be knocking on the door or just straight up walk in."

"Yeah yeah."

He left his hands where they were, but rolled over on top of me, pinning me easily, and lowered his mouth to mine. "So we can just make out like a couple of teenagers, right?"

I wriggled my arms free and wrapped them around his neck, running them through his shaggy hair. "Yes. I'm definitely ok with that."

He grinned and proceeded with gusto. As much as my body wanted to, I refused to push it further. This house had walls like cardboard and Jake had a tendency to get rather vocal at times. So did I, for that matter. His hands were gripping my back and I was sure he was likely leaving marks but he kept them in place like I'd asked.

"Momma, Daddy, presents!"

We turned and grinned at Lucas as he came running into the room, a small blur of blue and red footie pajamas. He was currently in love with super heroes and last night's pajamas were superman, complete with a cape that velcroed on to his shoulder. He was clutching his teddy bear in one hand and the cape in the other. I gently pushed Jake up and he moved off of me, pulling a pillow into his lap while I pulled Lucas up onto the bed with me.

Lucas handed Jake his teddy bear and me the cape before turning his back to me.

"Hurry Momma, presents."

"Yes baby, but you need to be patient. Grandpa and Shípa aren't up yet."

"I get them!" he shouted, jumping down and running out of the room, his cape flapping behind him and his bear forgotten.

I winked at Jake as I stood up. "You gonna be alright?"

"Yeah. It's like being a teenager again. I'll just go take a shower."

I grinned and grabbed his hands, pulling him up. "Wait on that a bit."

He quirked an eyebrow at me but nodded. We headed out into the living room where I could hear voices now. Lucas had dragged his grandfather's out into the main room of the house and was haphazardly distributing the pile of gifts under the tree.

Jake and I settled on the couch. I pulled the blanket off the back of it and draped it over me, leaning against Jake and covering his happy little soldier with the blanket carefully.

"Lucas, take that one to Momma," Billy instructed, handing a brightly wrapped box to Lucas.

Lucas' face fell. "Momma?"

"Yes. I'll have one for you when you come back, I promise."

Lucas beamed and ran across the living room, practically shoving the gift at me before disappearing. I grinned and sat up some to open it.

Dad distributed the rest of the presents while Lucas opened anything and everything that was left unattended.

"Look Momma," he shouted excitedly, holding up something. "Batman panties!"

I laughed and leaned forward, gesturing for him to bring them to me. It was a pair of black boy's underwear with a wide yellow elastic waistband and a matching t-shirt with the Batman logo on it in yellow. He dropped the t-shirt on the floor and immediately pulled the underwear on over his pajamas. "I'm wearing panties like Momma," he said proudly.

Jake snorted into his coffee and I elbowed him. "Yes, sweetie, you're wearing underwear."

"Panties," he said stubbornly.

I shrugged at Jake. "I tried."

"Uh huh. Who taught him 'panties' in the first place?"

"So Billy, Dad," I laughed, changing the subject "we have an announcement."

They both looked up expectantly, exchanging a grin with each other. They had their suspicions I was sure. "Oh?" asked Dad in what I'm sure was meant to be an innocent tone.

"Don't play coy, Old man," I teased. "It doesn't suit you."

"Yeah yeah. What's the announcement?"

"We're pregnant again."

Jake was beaming, one hand holding his coffee, the other rubbing circles on my back. He was beyond thrilled at the fact that there was going to be a new baby.

"Well, congratulations," cheered Billy. "When?"

"Sometime in the summer, probably July."

"Great, that's just great. Maybe we can come down then and help with Lucas."

I looked at Dad with surprise. "You want to?"

"Yeah, of course. I wanted to come last time but we had that big case and I couldn't get away."

I nodded. It was rare there was anything major going on in Forks police work wise, but around the time Lucas had been born there'd been a string of burglaries that had proved to be tricky to solve. Dad had cancelled his trip down to see us until after it was taken care of. As a result, Billy hadn't been there either. They'd come a couple weeks later but they'd been disappointed not to be there when he was born.

"We'd love to have you," Jake was saying. "Really glad."

Lucas jumped up then with a DVD he'd gotten, demanding to watch it. Billy complied, putting it in the player while Charlie disappeared into the kitchen to get another pot of coffee started. We'd go get brunch in a little while. I snuggled closer to Jake and his arm draped around me.

"Still at attention?" I asked in a low voice, making sure no one could hear me.

He shot me a look. I grinned and pushed him lightly so he was tilted, then slid my hand across his stomach and down into his pants.

"Shit," he breathed. Luckily, Billy and Lucas were too caught up in the movie to hear or notice us. "You don't want me to touch you but you'll touch me? Not fair."

I grinned and kept stroking and squeezing. "You know you love it."

"This is the most perverted thing ever." I stopped my hand and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Fuck, I didn't say stop." He moved his hips slightly and I snickered. "It's hot and perverted and totally awesome."

I resumed my movements, his hand wrapping around mine under the blanket, our eyes glued to the two in front of us and our ears pricked to hear movement from the kitchen behind us. Jake's breathing was quickly becoming labored and I knew he was getting close.

"Fuck, Bella," he hissed. I grinned and cupped both hands around him, catching nearly everything in my palms.

We sat in silence for a long moment, looking down at the not-so-subtle lump that was our hands around his penis.

"Now what?" he muttered.

I winked at him and carefully pulled my hands away from him. He adjusted himself, watching me with curiosity. "Let's see how good of an actress I am," I mumbled.

I brought my hands up near my face and faked a sneeze.

"Bless you," called Charlie from the kitchen and Billy from his chair, almost simultaneously.

"Thanks," I grinned. "I need a tissue."

"There's some in the bathroom." Billy didn't even look up. Lucas was sprawled across his lap, fingering the Superman cape and sucking on his thumb.

"Great, thanks." I carefully disentangled myself from the blankets and made my way into the bathroom.

I washed my hands thoroughly, hoping I hadn't gotten much on the blanket or dripped on the way to the bathroom. It was weird walking through your father in law's house with your husband's spunk in your hands. Not something I really wanted to do ever again.

"That was awesome."

I grinned as Jake wedged himself into the tiny bathroom, wrapping his arms around me from behind and kissing my neck. "You're welcome, but I don't think I'll ever do that again."

"I think once was good. Though I believe this totally opens up the door to sex acts in other parts of the house from the bedroom."

I laughed and grabbed a towel to dry my hands. "I believe we had sex on the kitchen floor when Lucas was a baby."

"That was ages ago. Nearly two years. Ever since then it's been the bedroom or if I'm lucky, some petting in the shower."

"I'm not in love with the idea of our son sitting or walking across dried semen, sorry."

"You're no fun."

"Yeah, sue me I want my house to be hygienic."

"You know, our kitchen table is pretty sturdy. I say we give it a try. I'll put a towel down for you."

I shook my head. "You are some kind of crazy."

"And you love it."

I winked at him. "True." I turned in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. We were interrupted by a soft tap at the door.

Jake pulled it open and I flushed when Dad was standing in the doorway looking some uncomfortable.

"Hey Dad, I was just washing my hands from sneezing."

"Sneezing." He shot me a look. "Bella, I'm aware that you and your husband are…friendly." My face reddened even more. "But maybe you could…wait? Until the privacy of your bedroom?"

Jake was red now. Everyone was embarrassed.

"Um, yeah, sure Dad."

"I mean, I get that its exciting and all to be public, but…"

"Right. Got it. Hands off around people."

He nodded, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "And Jake, you might want to…um…tuck it in. When walking past your son."

My eyes shot down and I felt like I was going to pass out from embarrassment. Little Jake was peeking out.

"Thanks Charlie."

Dad nodded again then turned and walked away. Jake adjusted himself then shut the door and leaned against it. I leaned against his back and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Oh fuck me slowly that was embarrassing," I groaned, laughing softly.

"I would but you won't let me."

I started laughing harder, pulling away from him. "You weren't totally just…horrified at that conversation?"

"Well, yeah, but seriously. I think secretly, every man wants his wife to get him off in some way in a public area. This isn't like a blow job in a theater or a taxi or under a table in a fancy restaurant, but it's probably the best I'll get. Plus, Charlie wouldn't admit it, but I'll be part of him is secretly jealous. The part that pretends it's not his daughter, but still part of it."

"Fancy restaurant, eh?"

He grinned at me. "Or an elevator. That'd be awesome."

I shook my head, still smiling. "Dream on, lover boy. For now, we need to get dressed and presentable so we can go have brunch with people."

"Oh, I will keep dreaming, my friend. I will keep dreaming."


	5. Chapter 5: A Breath in the Night

"ShÍpa!" shouted Lucas. I looked up as the front door swung open and Charlie appeared, pushing Billy in front of him. Jake was behind them with the suitcases.

Billy grinned, opening up his arms to his grandson and pulling him into his lap. Lucas started jabbering excitedly and Dad grinned, coming over to me and giving me a hug. He laughed when he pulled back.

"Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Do I need to have a word with Jake?" he teased.

I shook my head, laughing. "No. My feet are too swollen for any shoes right now."

"So it could happen soon."

I grinned at Billy and nodded. "Hopefully. Lucas was born a week before his due date, I'm hoping this one will be, too."

"And you're dead set on doing it at home?" Dad asked, shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it on the hook by the door. He took Billy's and hung it up, too.

"Yes."

Jake reappeared then, a grin on his face. "Come on, it'll be great. People had babies at home all the time until, what, the 1940's?"

Dad looked skeptical. I rolled my eyes and shooed everyone towards the dining table. Lucas was still in his "ShÍpa's" lap. I'd asked Jake once what that meant and he told me it just straight up meant "black" like the color. It was easy for him to pronounce and since Dad was Grandpa, Billy wanted to be something special.

Jake gave me a wet smack as he grabbed the dish of lasagna and I grabbed the garlic bread and followed him into the dining room. Dad had settled Lucas in his high chair and he and Billy were sitting on either side of him. I grinned and eased into my chair, rubbing my belly lightly. This kid was driving me a little nuts.

"So what about the sex?" Dad asked as we started serving up. Jake and I froze and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, did you just ask me about my sex life?" I asked incredulously.

Dad's face flared up and Billy started laughing. Lucas was laughing with him even though he clearly had no idea why. "No, I meant the baby. Good Lord, Bella."

I grinned and Jake shifted slightly in his seat. "No, we don't know. We figure we'll just be surprised with this one."

"What does the doctor say? Is it healthy?"

Now it was my turn to shift uncomfortably. "We haven't actually been to the doctor."

A fork clattered to a plate. "Why not?"

I sighed. "Dad, we don't have the money. Jake isn't exactly raking in the dough at the shop and I'm not working. I would only make enough to cover childcare so there's no point in it."

"What about insurance?"

"We don't have any," Jake mumbled.

There was a long silence. "Son, if you can't take care of your family, you shouldn't be expanding it." Billy sounded angry. I'd never seen him like that before.

"We're fine," I said tersely. "I'm good at being frugal and we get lots of hand-mi-downs from friends."

"What about your savings Bella? And Jake, you've got a damn degree, go get a job that'll pay you better."

"We're trying to leave the savings alone as long as possible," I pushed my plate away, my appetite gone. "And I'd rather have Jake happy and poor than miserable and rich."

Jake reached over and took my hand, seeing that I was getting agitated. "I'm going to bed," I grumbled, getting up and pushing away from the table. "Otherwise I'll start being rude."

"Bella, please just sit down. We'll stop talking about money." Dad stood up and looked at me anxiously. "We traveled all the way across the country to see you; we're just dads who are concerned about our kids. You've got to understand that."

I held on to the chair, my knuckles white. "I do, but you've got to learn when to stop pushing, dad. We're both nearly 30 years old. We are content in our life."

"I know." Dad had rounded the table and was hugging me now. I leaned against him, pressing my face into his plaid shirt and breathing in his smell.

"I'm sorry," I finally said, wiping at my eyes. "Hormones."

Billy grinned. "I remember that. Sara was nuts when she was pregnant with the twins."

I grimaced. "Great, thanks for cursing me with twins."

Jake smiled and pushed my plate back towards me as Dad helped me into my seat. "Please, you're not big enough for twins."

"I'm bigger than I was last time," I pointed out with a wobbly laugh.

"Yeah, but remember what Emily said? It's like your uterus is a rubber band and once it's been stretched, it stretches faster and bigger the next time."

I grimaced. "Can we please not discuss my uterus? We're at dinner."

"Uterus!" shouted Lucas.

"Great…they're going to love that at the shop."

The rest of dinner was relatively quiet. We ate and visited, catching up on all the happenings in Forks. My old boyfriend Edward Cullen had moved back to practice medicine and had a wife and baby. The res was doing well, some of Jake's old gang of friends were talking about starting their own garage.

Around 8, I took Lucas and put him to bed. He was really too big for the pack and play, but Billy was sleeping in his bed while the dads were here so he was relegated to the little thing. He curled up happily with his teddy bear, thumb firmly in his mouth, and dropped off to sleep. I headed down to my room to lay down, exhausted.

I dropped off to sleep and was startled awake when Jake stretched out beside me.

"Shit, sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."

I shook my head and sat up, rubbing my face. "It's fine, really. I just…shit; I didn't mean to fall asleep. Were the dads upset?"

He chuckled and gently pulled me back down on the bed. "No. They understand you're tired. They were tired too, but a few beers perked them up and we sat and talked for a while."

I stretched out on my side, pulling the blanket back up over me. It was cool and I shivered until Jake cuddled up against my back, kissing my neck.

"They want us to move back to Forks," he said softly, one hand rubbing my stomach lightly.

"Seriously? And do what?"

"The guys at the res could use me at the garage. I've got a business degree you know. I was pretty good at that shit."

I sighed and shifted slightly, leaning back against him. "And me?"

"You can keep doing what you do up there, Bells. You know I want to move up there eventually anyway."

"Are you ready to go now?"

"Maybe?" his hand kept rubbing and his chin was resting against my shoulder. "I know it's a big deal, but it could be great. I mean, other than my job, what's keeping us here?"

"I love this house."

"There are houses in Forks and La Push."

"Our friends."

"We've got friends there."

I sighed and shifted onto my back, looking up at him. "I guess I'm just not ready yet. Can I get through an infancy first? I'm not relishing a cross country move in the first place let alone with a baby."

"Women do it all the time, Bells."

I elbowed him lightly in the side. "I realize this, thanks."

His hand was rubbing on my stomach still, but it was moving lower. I looked at it then back at him. "Seriously?"

He grinned. "Seriously. You know me: horny for life."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Shit, Jake, our dads are in the house. Just down the hall in fact."

"That just makes it hotter."

I shook my head in amazement.

"Come on, I'll be quick. It's been a few days."

"You realize this could induce labor, right?"

"I'm ok with that if you are."

I rolled my eyes and rolled onto my side again, wiggling a little so my nightgown was up. "You better be damn fast. I'm really not that in the mood."

"Way to make this sexy, Bells."

I laughed softly. "Sorry, I'm just not feeling that great."

He was quiet. "Not great like 'I've secretly been in labor all day and didn't tell you'?"

I frowned. "Maybe?"

"Shit."

We lay in silence for a while until I felt what was definitely a contraction. "Yeah, apparently I'm in labor."

"How did you not realize this?"

I laughed again and pushed myself up out of the bed. "I guess I was just too distracted by everything today. Lucas was a regular terror since he was so excited about the dads coming and I had to clean and cook…" I was interrupted by another contraction.

"Shit, they're coming faster than last time. You want me to call the midwife?"

I nodded. Seriously, how had I missed this? Thinking back I didn't even remember the slow build up I'd had with Lucas.

Jake fumbled with his cell phone, punching in the number for the midwife while I started to gather up the things we'd gotten for the birth: plastic sheets, towels, blankets. I headed down the hall to alert the dads when I heard Jake talking quietly to the woman on the other end, Roberta.

I tapped on Dad's door first. After a moment, he opened it. He was still awake, wearing a t-shirt and boxers.

"Bella?"

"Hey Dad. It's time. I'm not sure how long, but I'm definitely in labor." Another contraction hit me and I grimaced. He reached out and held my arm. When it passed, I smiled at him. "I'd like to let Lucas sleep but thought you and Billy might want to be awake."

He grinned. "Yeah, thanks sweetie. You need anything?"

I shook my head. "Not right now."

"I'll go wake Billy."

I nodded and headed back to my room.

An hour later everything was moving even faster than I'd realized. I was wearing just an old t-shirt of Jake's and lying on our bed, the plastic sheet crackling slightly with every movement. Jake was kneeling behind me, holding me up, while Roberta and her assistant Fawn were between my legs.

"Push, Bella, come on."

I gritted my teeth and leaned forward. "Dammit Jake," I grunted.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You're doing great Bella. You're a real pro at this."

I panted and waved my hand limply. "I've done it before. Nothin' to it."

Fawn grinned at me and squeezed my knee. "The baby's crowning, just another big push and we're there."

"Shit, I hate this," I grunted, leaning forward and pushing again.

Jake's hand squeezed my upper arms and he kissed my shoulder. "You're so awesome, Bella. I'd be crying like a bitch."

I grunted at him. A moment later, the pressure eased and then a baby was crying. Roberta looked up and beamed at us. "It's a girl." She wrapped a soft flannel blanket around the squalling red mess and handed it carefully to me.

I blinked back tears, looking down at the baby in the blankets. "She's beautiful," I said hoarsely.

Jake chuckled softly and nodded. "She really is." He kissed my temple and ran a finger down her cheek. "I'll go get the dads."

"We're here, Jake."

I looked up and saw them standing against the wall. For a moment, I was mortified they'd seen me in such a position, but then I saw they were grinning stupidly at us, clearly thrilled to have been there. I reached out a hand and gestured for them to come over.

Jake carefully climbed off the bed, propping up more pillows behind me so I was sitting up. He moved around, excited about cutting the cord.

"Billy, Dad, this is your granddaughter, Annessa May. Annessa, this is your Shípa and your Grandpa."

She peered up at them with dark eyes, squinting against the dim light in the room. Billy grinned and leaned forward in his chair. "She's beautiful."

I chuckled and nodded. "We think so."

Another half hour and I was in the bathroom cleaning up while the dads doted on their new grandchild. Jake was holding Lucas who was peering at his sister with little interest. He'd been hoping for a puppy.

Fawn helped me out of the shower. "You alright?"

I nodded. "Exhausted but fine."

She grinned and nodded. "I'll bet."

She helped me into a loose nightgown and some panties before walking me back to my room. Roberta had switched out the sheets carefully. The afterbirth was wrapped up in absorbent pads and in a giant Ziploc bag. I pointed to it. "What are you going to do with that?"

"Well, that's something we were going to talk to you about. Some people like to bury them or burn them, some even eat them."

I stared at her horrified. "Eat?"

She nodded, a grin lighting up her face. "It tastes like liver."

I grimaced. "No thanks. I'll pass."

"The Quileute people used to bury them at the roots of the trees," said Billy suddenly. "It was meant to give life to the earth."

"I like that," Jake nodded. "We'll bury it once the ground thaws out."

I frowned. "So in the meantime we just keep it in the freezer?"

Roberta laughed and nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Ok then."

We gradually all quieted down and the dads went back to bed, taking Lucas with them. Jake had dragged the cradle into our room at some point and I now put Annessa in it, looking at her nervously.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"Yes, Bella. Come on, get some sleep. She'll be needing to eat in a while."

I nodded and lay down, dropping off to sleep a lot more quickly than I thought I would.


	6. Chapter 6: Quiet Conversations

I groaned and shoved another pile of shit off onto the floor, collapsing sideways on the bed exhaustedly. I lay there for a long moment, not moving. Every part of me hurt. My hair even hurt.

I heard a low laugh behind me and I mustered up the energy to raise one hand and one finger.

"Would that I could," I heard Jake groan as he flopped on the bed beside me, bouncing me enough to roll me into his side. I slipped my leg over his and nuzzled my nose into his neck. He lightly combed my hair with his fingers.

"Why did we do this again?" I whined.

"Because."

"Oh right."

We were silent, listening to the sounds of the house settling around us. It was late and the windows were open, letting in the ambient night sounds: the soft patter of rain on leaves, the distant crashing of waves on First Beach, an occasional skittering animal in the undergrowth. Even an occasional cricket.

Jake's breathing was slowing and deepening but I couldn't sleep, as sore and tired as I was. When I could tell he was asleep, I pushed myself up and began my nightly rounds.

Ever since Nessie had been born, I'd had trouble sleeping. I caught naps during the day when the kids were napping, but a lot of the packing and organizing and everything that kept our house going happened at night. My bathing and cooking mostly happened at night.

I wandered through the small house, picking my way around boxes. I'd be glad when it was all put away so the kids could have free reign. It'd been our first priority to get a room set up for them. Eventually, Nessie would have her own room, but for now, she was in Lucas' room with him.

I poked my head in to check on them and grinned. She was curled up in her crib, one pudgy arm poked out through the bars and clasped in her brother's hand. He'd somehow maneuvered his bed closer to hers so they could hold hands. I guess the first few nights in a strange place were a little scary.

I gently brushed his long hair out of his face and kissed his forehead. He shifted slightly but didn't wake up.

I headed downstairs to the kitchen then, rummaging as quietly as I could through a box to start putting more things away. It was my second priority to have the kitchen done. I was nowhere close.

I worked for about an hour and managed to get things into piles: wash, store, and put away. I was working on putting things away when I heard Jake shuffling in behind me.

"Shit, still can't sleep?"

I turned and smiled lightly at him. "No. Did I wake you?"

"Not with noise." He dropped into a kitchen chair and watched as I moved around the kitchen. "I reached for you and you were gone."

I nodded and paused for a moment, stretching my arms behind me. "You can go back to sleep without me, Jake, I'm not going to be upset. You've got work tomorrow."

He stood up and walked across the kitchen. He grabbed my wrist, crossed back to the chair and pulled me into his lap. He started to rub my shoulders and I groaned softly as his thumb hit a certain sensitive knot.

"I don't sleep the same without you."

"Mm." I didn't have an adequate response to that.

"Come on, just come back to bed. I promise no funny business."

I laughed softly and wiggled slightly as his hands stopped. He chuckled and started again.

"I happen to like funny business on a good day."

"Today's not a good day, though. Sorry I haven't been around more."

I grunted noncommittally. "Someone has to earn the money to keep us."

"True." He gathered my hair in his hands and moved it over my shoulder, his lips brushing against the nape of my neck. "Come on, I can massage better if you're lying down."

"Good point."

I stood up then and flipped off the lights, following him through the dark house and back into our room. I pulled off my tank top and stretched out on the bed on my stomach, giving Jake and his magic fingers full access. He rubbed for a while, getting most of the kinks out. We didn't talk much, just listened to the rain outside and enjoyed each other's presence.

These were my favorite moments of our marriage: the quiet companionship. I loved waking up on a Saturday morning and bringing the kids in to snuggle with us in the big bed we'd gotten when we moved up here. I loved late night conversations in the dark, talking about our hopes and fears in regards to our kids and our future. I loved the gentle kisses to my temple every morning when he let me attempt to sleep in while he fed the kids breakfast. I loved when he tried to cook something for me and how I always had a glass of water nearby to drink.

The sex wasn't bad, either.

He finally stopped rubbing, leaning down and peppering my back with feather-light kisses. I laughed softly and rolled over, cupping my breasts in my hands as I stood up. He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"You realize I've seen them."

"I do." I grinned at him and reached for my shirt, pulling it back on. "Sometimes I just feel like being modest."

"Is that it." He crawled back into the bed on his side, pulling me back against his chest and kissing my head.

"Something like that anyway." I snuggled back towards him until my body was flush against his. His arm draped heavily over my side and his hand splayed on my belly, his thumb rubbing lightly against the bottom of my ribcage.

"So, Dad wants us to come for dinner tomorrow."

I nodded sleepily. "What time?"

"Dinner time?"

I laughed softly and laid my palm against the back of his hand. I lightly clinked my wedding rings against his, the sound soft in the quiet of the room. "Obviously. Am I cooking anything?"

"No, but he said we could bring dessert."

"Good. I can grab a cake at the grocery store tomorrow then."

"He does love store bought cakes."

I hummed my agreement again. I was fading fast. The rain's tempo was increasing and I heard a distant rumble of thunder. I groaned softly and rolled so I was facing Jake.

"The kids are going to wake up soon. The storms scare them."

Jake grunted. "I'm not going to sleep at all tonight am I?"

"No, probably not. Welcome to parenthood."

He laughed softly. A moment later, a loud crash of thunder sounded followed almost immediately by a scared wail. I crawled out of his arms and headed down the hall. Nessie was standing up in her crib, holding onto the top. As soon as she saw me, her arms reached for me. Lucas was sitting up in his bed looking scared, too.

I pulled Nessie out of her crib and she curled into me, resting her head on my shoulder. Her frightened cries immediately reduced to miserable sniffles. Lucas stood up on his bed and I awkwardly picked him up, too.

"You're getting too big, kiddo," I grinned, kissing his temple.

"Not too big, Momma," he grumped.

I smiled and headed back to my room. Jake had shifted over in the bed and reached for Lucas. Lucas went willingly and snuggled down in the bed beside his father. I set Nessie down beside Lucas and then crawled in after her.

"You know, I like this idea. For a once in a while thing. Not for always."

I grinned at Jake. "Families used to sleep like this all the time. Heat and all that shit."

"Like I said: once in a while, but not all the time. I need some one on one with my woman."

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Your woman?"

"My baby mama."

"Wow. Keep going, these are great. Really sexy."

He grinned at me. "I know. I'm such a fucking catch."

"And so good with the words. Seriously, my panties have melted off."

He laughed loudly and Lucas frowned at him. "Sleep Daddy."

"You're right. Daddy sleep now." Jake smoothed Lucas' hair then reached over and traced Nessie's cheek. "You sleep, too."

"You're letting your children affect your speech, Jake," I teased. "Use full sentences."

"It's more fun to talk like the stereotype."

"You know, you're teaching your son bad habits when you do that. Plus, I'm thinking it's time we start being a lot more careful what we say. Past time, really. He understands more than you realize."

"What do you mean?"

"He asked yesterday if you were scratching an itch for me. I asked what he meant. Apparently he saw us at the kitchen sink yesterday before breakfast."

Jake's face turned slightly pink as he remembered the moment. He'd come up behind me while I was doing dishes and had pushed my hair out of the way, lowering his head and trailing soft open mouth kisses along my neck and shoulder, one hand cupping a breast, the other snaking down into my pants and making friends.

"I _was_ scratching an itch though."

"Jake," I laughed. "I'm not denying that. I'm just saying we need to be more careful about our affectionate ways. My dad already saw us once and now Lucas? What's next, someone walking in one of us going down on the other?"

Jake grinned. "I actually have no issues with that, but I get your point. I'll be careful."

I rolled my eyes and shifted slightly, pulling the light summer quilt up over us, tucking it snugly around Nessie's back. She cuddled close to me, her little body warm and soft. Lucas was cuddled up to his dad the same way, his hand fisted in the front of Jake's t-shirt. Another clap of thunder sounded and Nessie whimpered, pressing her face into my breasts. I shushed her softly, rubbing her back soothingly. Lucas shifted, rolling over so he was chest to back with Nessie.

"Sokay, Ness," he said quietly, patting her shoulder. "Sokay. Momma's safe."

I grinned at Jake and he gave me a wounded expression. "I'm safe, too."

Lucas didn't respond and I snickered softly. "Daddy's for playing and sometimes for spanking. Momma's for comfort. I've got the softness for that."

"I'll go soft for comforting," he grumbled.

"No, that's my deal. Besides, you comfort me plenty."

He grinned. "Damn straight."

"Daddy sleep." Lucas sounded exasperated now.

"Yes son. Daddy sleep."

We lay in silence, looking at each other while the kids slept between us. Jake grinned and reached over, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. He trailed his fingers down the side of my face to my neck then across my collarbone. I narrowed my eyes at him as he kept going, skimming over the swell of my breast. He grinned innocently at me as he carefully palmed it, making sure not to disturb Nessie.

"Stop," I whispered.

"Payback," he whispered back.

I sighed. I guess I deserved that. His hand abandoned my breast after a bit and trailed down my side to rest on my hip. His thumb rubbed against the skin on my stomach and he raised his eyebrows.

I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "Give me a little more time with these two."

He grinned and nodded. "And then?"

"And then."

He was quiet then, smiling at me. "Think we can talk the dads into taking them tomorrow night so we can have some alone time?"

I grinned. "Definitely. It'll be easy now while they're still kind of a new thing. Later on when they're used to their grandkids being around it'll be tougher."

"Alright then. Get ready for tomorrow night. I am going to rock your world."

"Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that, Tiger."


	7. Chapter 7: Bonding in the Bathroom

I sat on the edge of the tub numbly, Lucas cradled in my arms as he cried pitifully. Jake was crouched on the floor with Nessie in his arms. She, thankfully, was sleeping.

"I hate that they're sick."

I shot him a withering glare. "Oh, I feel so sorry for you. You've had to deal with it for what, two hours while I've had them all fucking day. Don't you dare go there."

He frowned. "I wasn't trying for pity. I really do hate it when the kids are sick."

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall. "Sorry, I'm just beyond exhausted. Between the diarrhea and the vomiting, I've been living in the bathroom all day. There's only so much shit and puke one person can take, you know?"

"I'm sorry, Bells. I'll take tomorrow off and stay home to help, ok?"

I knew I should say that I could handle it on my own, that I should insist that we'd be alright, but I couldn't find the words to say so. I simply nodded and he smiled at me tentatively.

"Are you alright?"

I shook my head and shifted so I was sitting on the bathmat, Lucas curling his gangly frame around me awkwardly. "No." I sniffled, much to my annoyance. "I'm sick, too, but I can't baby myself cause I have to take care of them."

"Do you think you have what they have?" he asked anxiously.

I shook my head again and then rested it against the towels hanging down on the bar. "No mine's mostly nausea. I don't have a fever or diarrhea…yet."

He grimaced and shifted Nessie slightly. "God, I don't know what I'll do if you're all sick. I'm a shit nurse."

"Oh, believe you me, I realize that fact."

He stuck his tongue out at me with all the maturity of his years. Nessie woke up and started to cry before sitting up and throwing up on Jake's chest. He stared at it, horrified, as it slowly oozed down his shirt. I swallowed hard before leaning over and throwing up in the toilet. Nessie was crying in earnest now and it woke up Lucas. The sounds and smell in the bathroom pitched him over the edge and he started throwing up too.

"I hate family bonding," Jake moaned as I sat back and pushed Lucas towards the bucket we had in there with us. Lucas knelt in front of the bucket, hugging it while I reached for Nessie. Jake passed her over and carefully peeled his shirt off. "Should I shower now or just wait?"

"Probably wait," I sighed, smoothing Nessie's dark curls back from her sweaty forehead. "But wash your hands. And turn on the fan. The smell is killing me."

He nodded and stood up, flipping on the exhaust fan as he washed his hands. A moment later the scent of the strawberry watermelon hand soap mixed with the vomit and I was puking again.

"God I hate you."

"I know. I kinda hate me too."

He wet a towel and draped it over the back of Lucas' neck before sitting back down and pulling him into his lap. I took the towel and wiped Nessie's face with it.

"Take her for a second, too. I need to empty out the bucket."

He nodded and shifted Lucas so Nessie could sit on his other thigh. I passed her back and stood up, carefully tipping the contents of the bucket into the toilet and flushing. I rinsed out the towel and handed it back to Jake to drape over both kids to help them cool off a while before rinsing my mouth out with mouthwash and dabbing a bit of toothpaste on my nose. Jake raised his eyebrows and I shrugged. "Helps with the smell."

He nodded and held out his hand. I put a dab of toothpaste on his finger and he wiped it on his nose too. I settled back beside him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"If every teenager having sex had to deal with vomity kids at 2 in the morning, they'd stop having sex."

"Fuck, I'm ready to stop having sex and I'm far from a teenager."

I grinned and hooked my arm in his. "Oh, I'm not done with it just yet. Maybe more in favor of birth control, but not done with sex."

"Well, if you can promise I'll always be having sex with you I guess I could be convinced that it was ok."

I rolled my eyes. "Let me just say that if you start having sex with another woman you won't be having sex for long."

"There's the Bella I know and love."

I chuckled softly and shifted slightly, yawning. "God, I'm so tired. I can't stay up late like I used to. I'm getting old, Jake."

"Come on, you can't be old. I'm not old yet."

I laughed softly and closed my eyes. "How else do you explain the fact that I can't stay awake as late as I used to and that I fell asleep at Lucas' soccer practice the other day?"

"You're a stay at home mom to two rambunctious kids and you also take predominant care of me and both our dads?"

I shook my head. "No, I've got all that pretty well figured out to be honest. Everybody's potty trained so I don't have to worry about diapers anymore. No one's breast feeding or eating baby food, so that's easy enough. I'll admit the keeping up with everything is tiring at times but…" I stopped and sat up. "Crap. I'm pregnant, Jake."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

He looked confused. "How do you know?"

"Well, considering I haven't had a period in six weeks, I'm nauseated and exhausted all the time, plus, I've done it a couple times before."

"Shit."

I nodded and sat back, staring at the tile wall around the shower and tub. "Ok. We have to redo this. I don't want the story of how we find out we're pregnant with our third child to include the words 'shit' or 'crap.'"

"Got it."

"Jake, I'm pregnant."

"Awesome!" He gave me a little too much enthusiasm and Nessie shifted in her sleep. I snickered and took her from him, cradling her against me.

"I'm going to miss her being my baby," I admitted.

"You'll get a new baby, though."

I nodded and smiled. "More sweet baby kisses, more firsts."

"Hopefully no more nights like this, though."

I laughed. "Don't jinx us."

"Right. I take it back."

We sat in silence for a while. I rested my head back on his shoulder and was on the verge of falling asleep again when Lucas and Nessie woke up to throw up some more. It went off and on for the rest of the night. We'd get about thirty minutes of peace before one or both of them would wake up and be sick. More often than not, I would be sick too. Jake, mercifully, was the only one immune and managed to stay relatively sane.

Finally, as the first light of dawn was starting to struggle through the clouds hanging heavy and low in the sky we had a full hour of peace. The diarrhea had stopped around four and they finally started to keep some liquids down shortly after. We rinsed them off and put them in clean underwear before settling them in their beds, towels and buckets nearby should the sickness start again.

Jake pulled me behind him back to our bathroom, pulling my nightshirt up and off, dropping it on the floor as he kissed me and pulled me against him.

"Seriously?" I yawned. "I taste like vomit."

"I'm not licking your tonsils, Bells, I'm just kissing you. Come on, into the shower with me. This way neither one of us will fall asleep and drown."

"Drowning has some appeal at the moment," I mumbled, climbing in carefully with him. He wrapped an arm around my waist, lowering his mouth to kiss my shoulder as he flipped on the water. I yelped as I was hit with a stream of cold water and he chuckled softly.

"Sorry."

"No you're not," I grumbled.

He laughed softly and reached forward again to grab my shower puff and squirted some gel on it. He worked it up into a lather and started to wash my body with it gently. I closed my eyes and rested my head against his shoulder, reaching up and tangling my fingers in his hair.

"I love you," I murmured softly.

"I love you, too." He kissed my neck and turned me gently so he could wash my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again, yawning hugely in the middle of it. He laughed and spun me gently so I was rinsed off.

"Go to bed, Bells. I'll be there in a minute."

I nodded and climbed out carefully, wrapping a towel around my body. I looked longingly at my bed before sighing and heading into the kids' rooms to check on them. They were both still fast asleep, hunched over on the towels pitifully. I smoothed their hair and kissed their foreheads before heading back to my room and crawling into bed. I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept naked for worry the kids would come in and find us but today, I couldn't find the energy to grab a clean shirt or underwear. I was almost asleep when I felt Jake's weight on the bed.

"I'm off today and tomorrow," he said softly, kissing my temple.

I nodded, not opening my eyes. "Good."

He pulled me against his chest and I grinned slightly. He was sleeping naked, too.

We were just drifting off to sleep when the doorbell rang. I groaned and rolled over, pressing my face into Jake's chest. "Make whoever it is go the fuck away."

He grunted and pushed away from me. He grabbed some shorts off the floor and pulled them on, stumbling out of the room towards the front door. I could hear Nessie crying so I hauled myself up and pulled on a clean t-shirt and some of Jake's boxers, rolling the waist so they didn't slide right off before padding down the hallway.

"Momma," Nessie blubbered, reaching for me. I lifted her off of her bed and grunted as she locked her legs around my waist. "I sick."

"I know baby," I soothed, prying her legs off of me and settling in the rocking chair. Her thumb went to her mouth and she cuddled close to my chest. I hummed softly, smoothing her hair. She was still warm but not as warm as she had been. I could hear voices from the front of the house. It sounded like Dad and Billy, of all people.

"Hey Babe, the dads are here."

I looked over my shoulder at Jake. "Why?"

"They wanted to see if they could take the kids for the day."

I laughed softly and leaned my head against the back of the chair. "Sure, if they weren't so sick, I'd be on board with that."

"They went to get some food for us. Eggs and toast."

He crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, tiredly watching me rock. I smiled back at him sleepily.

"So they'll just come on in next time? No doorbell?"

"No doorbell. They'll actually come later, too. Let us try to sleep some."

I nodded and closed my eyes and shifted Nessie. "Did you tell them we think I'm pregnant again?"

"No, I figured you should actually take a test first."

I grinned and nodded again. "I'm glad we're here and they're so close. It makes the shit not so bad."

"Amen to that."

I could hear Nessie's little bed creak and a moment later Jake was lifting her out of my arms. I opened my eyes and watched as he carefully settled her in her bed, pulling just the sheet up around her and smoothing her hair back from her face, kissing her forehead. He turned and offered me his hand. I smiled and let him pull me up.

"Come on, let's go back to bed. We can get naked again."

"I'm too exhausted to have sex with you Jake."

"You can just lie there and not move. It'll be great."

I snorted. "You are so weird, you know that?"

"I'll be fast. You can even go to sleep if you want."

"Wow. Sexy."

"I know, right?" he flashed me that grin that I loved and I shook my head. "Besides, it'll just be like all the other times when you just lay there and let me do my thing."

I laughed and shook my head. "You are incredible."

"You say that now. Wait until we're having sex. Then it'll have some meaning behind it."

"You know what, in spite of all the sexy romantic things you say, you are still my favorite husband." I turned and stood on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him lightly.

"You say that now," he teased, his hands settling easily on my waist.

"This is true. Ok. You're my favorite husband of my youth."

"That's more like it." He kissed my nose and smiled at me. "I don't really need to have sex right now, I just want to offer so you don't get any kind of complex that I might not want you. That shit would be devastating to me."

"Oh, believe me, I know you want me." I winked at him. "You're just lucky I want you right back."

"Fuck yeah I am." He kissed me again before scooping me up and carrying me the rest of the way to our room. We snuggled down in the bed and quickly dropped off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8: Loving on the Bed

I hitched Nessie up higher on my hip as she reached forward for something on the counter and snapped my fingers at Lucas who was attempting to climb onto the arm of a chair so he could look into the giant fish tank.

"Lucas," I said sharply. "Don't you dare."

He looked at me with that mischievous glint he got from his father. I raised my eyebrows at him and he sighed and dropped to the floor.

"I was just gonna look at them, Momma."

"I don't care what you were just gonna do," I replied. "I told you to stay right with me while I fill out this paperwork. You need to entertain your brother."

He dropped onto his knees and started making faces at Bill in the carrier. Bill laughed and clapped his hands before reaching forward for his brother. Nessie leaned towards Lucas too.

"Down," she demanded. "I want down."

"No," I muttered, hitching her up again. I could kill Jake for flaking out on me at the last second. It was hard enough dealing with all three at home alone, taking them out in public alone was not high on my list of things I loved to do.

She started to whine and twist around on my hip but I held her tightly. I was almost done with this damn form then I could pay a little more attention.

"You look like you could use an extra hand."

I looked up and my jaw dropped. "Edward?"

He grinned. "Hey Bella. I heard there was a woman with a bunch of kids out here so I thought I'd come help her out. I didn't realize it was you."

I hitched Nessie up again, staring at him in shock. He looked even better than he had the last time I'd seen him. His hair was still out of control and those green eyes seemed were like they were staring into my soul, but he had aged well, the fine lines around his eyes and the corners of his mouth making him look distinguished rather than old. He reached forward.

"Here, let me take her so you can finish up your paper work."

I smiled gratefully and passed her over. She stared up at him with surprise. "You're not my daddy."

He laughed. "No, I'm not. I'm a doctor."

"Oh." She started to play with his stethoscope. I chuckled and turned back to my form.

"Watch out, she's got sticky fingers."

"Will do."

I quickly finished the form and passed it through to the nurse who smiled and nodded at me.

"So you're here to see me I guess?" Edward asked as I took Nessie back.

I looked at him with surprise. "You're the doctor on call today?"

He nodded. "Yeah, today's my day here at the clinic. Obviously."

I rolled my eyes and settled Nessie on the chair next to me with a baggie of Goldfish crackers and a book. Lucas was still making faces at Bill, oblivious to the adults around him. "Smart ass."

He laughed. "You look really good, Bella. How long's it been?"

"Fifteen years."

"Wow, really?"

I nodded and leaned back in the chair, watching Bill and Lucas across the room. "Yep. It stuck with me, you telling me you didn't want to see me anymore, that we weren't good for each other and that you never really loved me. I could tell you the exact date if you'd like."

He winced. "I was an idiot. I realize that now."

I laughed. "Yeah, now that you've got a family."

"At least I realized it, right?"

"Sure."

He followed my gaze and looked at the boys. "I heard you and Jake got married. Congratulations. I always figured you two would end up together."

"Even when you were with me?"

"Yeah. You two had that weird connection I could just never get in on." He shrugged.

I nodded and shifted in my seat. "So is it awkward for you to see me given our history?"

He shook his head. "Its ancient history, Bella. I can be a professional about it if you can."

"Well, ok. Let's do this then."

He chuckled and stood up, reaching for Nessie. I took the crackers and book from her and tucked them in my giant purse before grabbing the car seat. "Come on Lucas."

He nodded and stood up, following as Edward led us down the hall to the exam room. He opened the door and held it for me as I trooped in. I set the car seat down and Lucas settled on the floor next to it. Nessie wiggled out of Edward's grasp and settled next to her big brother, looking up at Edward adoringly.

I chuckled as I settled on the table. "She's in love with you now."

"I always attract the younger demographic," he laughed. He picked up the chart that had been set in the room and studied it for a moment. "So, Bella, what brings you here today?"

"I'm pregnant."

He blinked. "You know, usually I'm the one to pass on that news."

I sighed. "I'm pretty sure anyway. All the symptoms are there and I took a home test."

"So why are you here?"

"Jake wants to confirm everything. We did the last two pregnancies without insurance and now that we have it, he wants to take advantage."

"I see. I take it this was planned?"

I snorted. "Only Lucas was planned. The rest were happy accidents."

He grinned. "So you're Lucas?" he asked Lucas.

Lucas nodded.

"How old are you?"

"Six."

"I'm Nessie," she announced "and I'm this many." She held up a splayed hand.

I laughed and shook my head. "She's three, but she'd determined to be five. Apparently that's the best age."

"And this one?" he looked down at Bill who had somehow managed to get his foot into his mouth.

"That's Bill. He's six months."

Edward raised his eyebrows at me. "You were doing good on the spacing there, kid, until now."

I laughed. "You know what it's like when you have someone you just can't get enough of."

He grinned and nodded. "My kids are all about eighteen months apart."

"How many do you have?"

"Three. Diana, Adam, and Landon."

"Nice." I slid off the table as Bill started to cry hungrily. I looked apologetically at Edward before unbuttoning my top and beginning to nurse him. "Sorry, he's demanding."

He held up his hands. "No apology necessary, Bella. I'm a doctor."

I smiled. I noticed absentmindedly that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

***

"So?"

"So what?" I mumbled, not opening my eyes as Jake crawled into bed behind me.

"So are you pregnant."

"Yes."

"When are you due?"

I sighed. "Nine months from when you impregnated me."

"Thank you Captain Obvious."

I laughed and rolled over. "Sometime in June."

"Great." He pulled me close and kissed me. "I thought you couldn't get pregnant while breast feeding. It didn't happen before."

"We didn't have a lot of sex while I was breast feeding before. Well, not intercourse. There was typically lots of oral. You and your offerings to the lady or something."

He grinned and kissed my neck. "She's given me some great moments in life."

I laughed and pulled him closer. "Oh, you'll never guess who I saw today."

He didn't raise his head as he pulled open my top and started kissing down my sternum. "Who?"

"Edward Cullen."

His lips froze and he raised his head then. "Really?"

I nodded. "He was working at the clinic today. He's the one who examined me."

Jake sat up then, his brow furrowed. "Like, _examined_ you?"

I nodded. "Yeah. He's a doctor Jake."

"He's also your ex-boyfriend."

I frowned. "Yeah. He's seen it all before. Mine, his wife's, other women's…"

"I don't like the idea of someone else seeing yours."

I pushed him away and propped myself up. "Seriously? Jake, you're the one who wanted to do this pregnancy with a doctor."

He scowled and rolled off of me. "I know."

We lay in silence for a while before he sighed. "He's married?"

"Yes." I don't know why, but I decided to omit the part about not wearing a wedding ring.

"I guess that's ok. I'll come with you next time, I promise."

"Jake, you don't have to worry about me running off with someone. I know I threaten to once in a while, but I just get overwhelmed at times. Shit, I'm 33 and I've got three kids and I'm a stay at home mom. That's enough to drive anyone nuts on top of the fact that somehow I'm den mom to the old gang and Dad's talking about retiring and moving out here with us in a couple years."

"It's not you I'm worried about."

I snorted. "Please, Jake, no one but you wants me now. You've stretched me out with your giant babies."

"Are you kidding me?" he rolled over and looked at me incredulously. "Bella, you're a total MILF."

I stared at him then burst out laughing. "You're just saying that because you're my husband."

"I am not," he said indignantly. "I'm saying it because it's true. That afternoon you worked at the garage, you didn't notice those guys hitting on you?"

"Because my boobs are huge," I protested. "Breast feeding is a breast man's friend."

"That's part of it, but you're still gorgeous."

"Jake, please, I was never gorgeous. I was pretty, sure, but not gorgeous."

"You were and still are," he said firmly.

I rolled onto my side and studied him. He had aged, too, but it wasn't as obvious as Edward's was. His skin was still smooth and firm with no lines. He'd put on some weight but he hadn't gone to seed. He was still lean and muscled but it wasn't the bulky muscles of youth, they were the muscles of a man who frequently lifted his children in the air and got down on the floor to play with them.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He grinned at me. "I'm excited about the baby, too."

"Of course you are," I laughed. "You wanted four and you're getting that."

He pulled me against him again, kissing my jaw and down my neck. "I love your body, Bells. I love the curves and the fullness and the stretch marks even."

I laced my fingers in his hair and grinned. "You're such a girl."

"I'm ok with that." His voice was muffled by my stomach. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of my panties and pulled them down, kissing his way down my legs as he did so. He tossed them onto the floor beside the bed and started kissing his way back up.

I laughed softly and scratched his scalp lightly with my nails. He growled his pleasure against my skin as he moved to his favorite place.

"Jake, come on."

He looked up at me. "What?"

"Lay down."

He frowned but stretched out beside me. I pulled his boxers down and swung my leg over his thighs, settling my butt down on his legs. He watched as I started to stroke him with one hand, touching myself with the other. His eyes were locked on my hands and I grinned as I felt him stiffening in my grasp.

"I like being on top once in a while you know," I murmured, raising myself and carefully settling down on top of him. His eyes closed and he grabbed my hips, pulling me against him.

"I love you in any position, Bells."

I grinned and spread my legs a little, pulling him deeper. He let loose a string of curse words that had almost completely left our vocabulary in the last few years. I leaned forward and kissed him. His hands moved up my body to cup my breasts. He kneaded them gently and I hummed in his mouth.

He sat up then, rocking me backwards so I could wrap my legs around him. I laughed softly as he skimmed his fingers across my skin and wrapped his arms around my waist. I held his face in my hands and kissed him deeply. I loved this man more than anything except the three children sleeping down the hall.

"Momma?"

Or maybe not sleeping.

We froze. Jake's eyes widened and we turned. Lucas was standing in the doorway sleepily, Nessie moving past him and looking like she was going to crawl into the bed with us.

"Yeah, baby?"

"The thunder scared me."

I held my panting breaths for a moment and I could hear the thunderstorm raging outside now. I was so used to them at this point I didn't always hear them. Jake sighed softly and pulled the blankets up around our waists so I could move.

"I finished when they walked in," he muttered. "I was startled. Sorry."

I grinned at him and kissed him lightly as I carefully extracted myself from him. He grabbed his boxers and moved to the other side of the bed, pulling them on quickly while I snatched my panties up off the floor and pulled them on. Nessie raised her arms and I lifted her up. She snuggled into the bed with me and I shot Jake a look.

"You better not let one of our kids sleep in a wet spot," I muttered.

He grinned. "I'm not sure there will be one but I'll be careful."

I nodded and lifted Lucas into the bed before heading down to the boys' room to get Bill. I could hear him stirring but he seemed to be sleeping through the storm pretty well. I checked his diaper before carrying him back to our room.

Jake had settled the older two in the bed between his spot and mine. I settled Bill in with us and raised my eyebrows at Jake. He held up his hand in the ok symbol and winked. I nodded and relaxed.

This was a first for us. We were usually more careful but I hadn't thought the kids would wake up and come looking for us. I was sure Nessie had gone to Lucas first then he'd brought her here. At least I'd kept my nightgown on. Lesson learned, though: always lock the door.

Nessie was snuggled up against Jake's side and Lucas crawled over them, nearly kneeing Jake in the crotch in the process, so he could be on the other side. Jake shifted Nessie over so she and Bill were touching.

"If this is going to be a regular thing, we should invest in a larger bed," he chuckled.

I grinned. "Seriously, Jake, they don't come much larger than this. We have a California King."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to stop at four then. No more will fit on this bed."

"You're telling me."

A loud crack of thunder woke up Bill and he started to cry. I held him close and he started rooting. I sighed and plugged him in.

"Just call me Bessie," I muttered.

Jake chuckled and reached across the sleeping children. "You're gorgeous, Bells. Nothing even remotely bovine about you." He traced his finger across my cheek.

"Except for the milking."

"Well, yeah." He grinned and his finger traced the curve of my breast and then Bill's cheek.

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Momma, sleep," commanded Nessie.

I laughed and smoothed her unruly hair. "Yes, sweetie. We'll sleep now." I winked at Jake and he rolled his eyes.

"Bossy, just like Momma," he said softly.

"You don't remember Lucas saying almost exactly that a few years ago?"

He frowned and then grinned. "Right after we moved in."

I nodded and pulled the quilt up tighter around us. "They're all alike in some little way."

"Bossy like their mom."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Smart alecky, just like their dad."

"It's a great combination."


	9. Chapter 9: Asking for Help

I sat staring down into my mug without really seeing. I could hear the soft sounds of Jake moving around the house making sure everything was locked up and secured. After a moment, he came into the kitchen, squeezing my shoulder and kissing the top of my head before dropping into the chair across from me. I pushed a cup of coffee towards him and he took a sip.

"So what are we going to do?"

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. "I don't know. I have to get a job."

He sat back in his chair and frowned. "You're five months pregnant."

"Well, what do you suggest we do?" I asked frustratedly. "We have three children to support and two more on the way. Obviously your job isn't cutting it and we have bills to pay."

"Fuck, Bella, the bills are just the pregnancy. If we do another home birth…"

"Edward doesn't recommend we do that," I interrupted him. "Shit, what if something went wrong?"

"Nothing has in the past," he said stubbornly.

"No, but it could."

He sighed and held his head in his hands, staring at the scarred tabletop. "What if we cut back?"

"On what? We don't have cable or internet or even a phone line. I clip coupons and the dads help out a lot as it is."

He didn't move, though his fingers tightened in his hair. "Fuck."

I nodded and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Twins. What a fucking nightmare. We were excited and at the same time…not excited. Jake had asked for a cost of living increase when Bill had been born but that was so recent, less than a year, there was very little chance he could get another one. The dads helped out a lot more than they should, spontaneously bringing us groceries or toys for the kids or insisting on taking us out for a meal. I was a little embarrassed about it, to be honest.

"There's another option," he said suddenly.

"You can't be serious."

"Bella, come on."

"No, Jake. This house is crowded enough as it is. We can't fit two more babies and your dad in here. It's not going to happen."

"What if we sold both houses and bought a bigger one? Maybe your dad would get in on it, too."

"I'm not going to ask our dads to do that, give up their independence and move in with us to help us out financially. That's not right."

"Well, it's the only thing that makes even a little bit of sense."

"My getting a job doesn't make sense?"

"Frankly, no." He sat back then and studied me. "Bells, you'd have to get a fan-fucking-tastic job for us to even break even if we're putting five kids into day care."

"Lucas has school," I argued.

"Fine. Four, but still."

My head hurt. I could feel the dull ache starting behind my eyes and spreading down my neck and around the back of my head. He had a point.

"They've been hinting they'd be interested in something like that, Bells," he said softly. "We see one or both of them practically every day as it is. Just think how much they'd enjoy being with their grandkids and how much the kids would love having their grandfathers around."

I nodded, rubbing my temples and willing myself not to cry. It felt so much like failure to have to have my dad move in with me so I could afford to feed my children.

"Shit, Jake," I hiccupped softly. "What kind of parents are we if we can't take care of our kids on our own?"

He was silent for a moment. "We just got in over our heads," he said finally. "I'm not completely opposed to you getting a job, I just…you have to realize that with you doing that, our expenses will go up because of childcare."

"I do," I muttered, turning my mug in my hands. "I also realize that the likelihood of me getting a really good job are slim to none since I've been unemployed for 8 years."

He nodded, his dark eyes fixed on my face. "Maybe I can talk to Jared at the garage, see what he thinks about you coming in and doing reception or bookkeeping or something. The kids can take over that little back office and just go hog wild."

I nodded and sniffed. I felt lower than pond scum having to have my husband pull strings at his job for me. I suddenly felt his strong warm hands on my back and shoulders, rubbing soothingly.

"Bells, it's ok to ask for help," he said softly. I nodded miserably. He pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple. "It'll be fine," he murmured against my hair. "I promise. We're in this together and it'll be fine."

***

"So what's the big news?" Dad asked, making faces at Bill who grinned back at him and reached for his mustache.

"We're having twins," Jake grinned, settling into his seat across from Dad.

Billy beamed. "Now that's fantastic news. Congratulations. Boys? Girls?"

"Girls," I laughed. "It's going to be a trip, I'm sure."

Dad and Billy exchanged a glance. "We've got some news, too."

"Oh?" I set the big pot of spaghetti down in the middle of the table and picked up Nessie, strapping her into her seat.

"I'm retiring," Dad announced. "I'm going to sell the house in Forks and move in with Billy."

"I'm too old to live on my own anymore," Billy grinned.

Dad nodded. "And I'm tired of living alone. I've done it for years and I'm interested in having a roommate." Clearly, they were looking forward to living together.

I shifted awkwardly, spooning some spaghetti onto Nessie's plate. "Sounds great. When are you going to do all that?"

"As soon as the house sells."

"You know," Billy said suddenly, looking up from Bill "that great house a couple blocks down is for sale. With two more kids on the way you might look at buying that place."

"What's so great about the house?" I asked curiously, cutting up the spaghetti on Nessie's plate.

"Oh, Bells, you'd love it," grinned Jake taking a pull on his beer. "It's a big old house built by one of the army commanders for himself and his wife to flaunt their wealth and status over the poor 'Injuns.' It's got like, three floors, three bathrooms, six bedrooms or something, huge yard, it's awesome."

"How do you know what the inside is like?" I laughed.

"I knew the kid who lived there in elementary school. His parents had money. They moved away right before middle school and someone else moved in. I haven't been in it in years, but it was pretty great."

I nodded and smiled slightly. "Sounds great, but we can't afford something like that I'm sure."

"Oh come on now, you don't know what you can afford," protested Dad. That sounds like the perfect house for a growing family."

"Unless it's free, we can't afford it." I tried to keep my voice light but there was a slight tremor in it. The kids were the only ones who didn't notice.

"What's going on?" Billy's voice was light with a backbone of steel.

I swallowed hard and looked at Jake. He sighed.

"We're broke."

"Broke broke?" Dad looked back and forth between us with surprise. "What happened?"

"We just never really caught up on the bills from the move."

"Dammit, son that was two years ago," protested Billy.

Lucas head shot up, his mouth in a small O of surprise. He'd heard Jake and I swear but never his grandparents. Billy flushed slightly.

"Sorry. ShÍpa shouldn't have said that."

Lucas nodded and stared down at his spaghetti for a moment before going back to shoveling food in. Billy turned his attention back to his son, shooting him a withering glare.

"Explain yourself."

Jake sighed. "Expenses just kept coming up, Dad. The plumbing in the house had to be fixed that first winter, remember? Then the car died and we had to buy a new one, we had another kid…we just…we're not flat broke but we're close."

"We will be when these two are born," I muttered, poking at my food.

"You know," Dad began slowly. "I was just going to put the money I get for my house into a savings account. Sounds like you need it a lot more than I do."

"Dad, no," I said sharply. "That's your retirement fund."

"And what kind of retirement do you think I'm going to have? I won't be enjoying it if my grandkids are starving and freezing, I'll tell you that much."

I swallowed hard, staring down at the plate again. I couldn't look my father in the eye and ask for help. It would hurt too much.

"Here's the new plan," announced Billy suddenly. "We'll all sell our houses and buy the big one. They've got a room on the first floor I can turn into a bedroom and that'll leave plenty of room for everyone. We'll be around to be doting spoiling grandfathers and we can put the extra money into an account for fishing trips and beer."

"Billy," I began but he held up his hand.

"Nope. You need help. We old farts don't want to live alone. I'm decided."

"I'm in agreement," Dad said, tapped the bottom of his beer bottle on the table a couple times. "We'll all be one big happy noisy messy family in one house." He grinned and I knew he was thrilled. He'd wanted a big family but when Mom left, those dreams went with her. Even now, she only had the one with Phil, claiming she was too old for that child even.

I pushed back from the table and left without a word, heading into my room. I sank down on the edge of the mattress and looked around the room. Nothing we had was nice anymore and very little of it had been when we'd gotten it. I hated being poor. I hated not being able to buy my kids the toys they wanted. I hated these feelings of inadequacy.

"Bella?"

I looked up then, wiping at the tears that were on my face. "Hey Dad."

He came in and settled beside me on the bed, one arm around my shoulders. "It's ok. We don't mind moving in. We're looking forward to it, actually. Really."

I nodded but didn't say anything. "I just feel like such a fuck up," I said hoarsely.

He was quiet for a moment. "That's part of parenthood, sweetie."

I laughed softly and rested my head on his shoulder. "I just don't want us to start resenting each other or anything. I want us to still enjoy each other's company."

"And we will. I didn't let that whole incident a couple Christmases ago bother me did I?"

I blushed. "No, but shit, Dad, that wasn't actual sex. Jake and I still have sex as you can tell." I gestured to my belly.

"Well, just…lock your doors."

I laughed and nodded. "That's just the least of my worries, Dad. I don't want you two to feel like we're using you for childcare or money or anything."

"We won't. It'll just be easier for everyone involved, sweetie. You know we love coming for dinner and Billy's not as young as he used to be. It's harder for him to get around in that house by himself."

"I know."

He kissed my temple. "It'll be fine, sweetie. I promise. Anytime you and Jake get tired of us, just send us on a fishing trip and we'll take the boys with us. Nessie, too."

I smiled and hugged him. "I love you Dad."

"Love you too, Bells." He kissed my forehead again. "Everything will be fine."


	10. Chapter 10: Toys in the Rain

I stared out at the torrential rain without really seeing it. It was quiet, the house behind me full of sleeping people. I took a sip of my glass of water and wished it was beer. Alcohol would be good right about now but was pretty frowned upon for a nursing mother.

The dads had been great about everything, selling their houses fairly quickly and moving all three households into the one massive house while Jake worked and I got put on bedrest for the last trimester. Here we were, nearly a year later, and everything was going pretty well: Jake was doing great at the garage, moved up to General Manager and in talks with a couple of the guys about opening their own shop somewhere, the dads were loving retirement, spending lots of time fishing with Lucas and even Nessie on occasion. Apparently she was not as squeamish as I had been at that age and jumped in wholeheartedly when it came to hooking worms.

The kids were thriving under all the extra attention. They still outnumbered the adults, but the twins were too young to notice much inattention yet, content to suck on their toes and stare at the ceiling when left to their own devices. They were good babies, all five had been. I knew that was unusual and I was really glad I'd lucked out.

I stood up and stretched, walking over to the porch railing and looking at the yard, seeing it this time. The toys were scattered around, a couple in the driveway where Jake would have to move them in the morning in order to get out. He'd already backed over a tricycle and messed up the truck a little. Of course, Nessie's wails had trumped the truck in his mind and he'd immediately gone out and gotten her another one, to my frustration. I tapped my fingernails on the post thoughtfully. I'd get soaking wet if I went out and moved the bike Lucas had left behind the truck, but if I didn't, chances were pretty high we'd be buying a new one come morning.

I sighed and twisted my hair up, securing it with a tie and headed out into the yard. I was soaked before I got three steps from the porch. I grabbed the bike and wheeled it up to the porch, leaning it against the post before turning back to gather up the other shit in the yard. I was already wet, might as well pick up some.

"Bells?"

I looked up, my arms full of toys, and saw Jake standing on the top step, peering at me through the rain.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Picking up." I dumped the toys into the large plastic bin we had for the toys. It seemed pointless since the kids didn't use it.

"Why? It's pouring rain and it's late. Come to bed."

"I'm not tired."

"Bella, come on." He reached out and wrapped his hand around my wrist. I sighed and shook my head.

"I'm fine, Jake, go to bed. I'll be in in a bit."

"Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Go to bed."

"Bella, dammit, enough." He was frustrated now, grabbing me by the waist and turning me to face him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Jake, my life is perfect. Fan-fucking-tastic."

He sighed and released me, pacing away from me. "What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing."

"You're a one-note song tonight, babe, and its getting old."

"Fuck you," I muttered, slumping into my chair and staring out at the lawn.

"Fuck, what? What did I do?"

I sighed and shook my head. "You didn't do anything, Jake. It's all me. I'm embarrassed."

"By what?"

"You have to ask?"

He stopped in front of me, leaning on the railing and crossing his arms and ankles. "Money."

"Yes. Money. I'm embarrassed we had to ask our dads for help."

"They don't mind. No one minds but you."

"You don't mind even a little bit?"

"No, actually. My culture is all about families raising families. Living together in large groups and all that shit. It's comfortable to me."

I nodded, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them as best I could. After five kids, I was pretty rounded now. No more slim little girl, I was now what you'd call a well rounded individual.

"They're almost weaned, you know," I said softly. "Maybe I can get a job now. Ness will be starting preschool in the fall and Lucas will be in first grade. That just leaves three for day care."

"Bells, you know the financial part is the tricky part."

"I do, but aren't you and Paul starting the garage soon?"

"Maybe."

"I'll come be manager and you two knuckleheads do the grunt work. I'll bring the kids along."

"I don't know."

"You don't want me around." It was a statement more than anything. There'd been a growing distance between us the past couple of months. Our sex life had died, too. I felt like Jake hadn't even looked at me since before the twins were born and that hurt more than just about anything.

"That's not it."

"Bullshit." I stood up then, shivering now from the cool breeze. I started into the house when Jake grabbed my wrist.

"Bella, that's not it. It really isn't. I'm not sure I want the kids there. Language at a garage is not exactly kid friendly."

"Oh, and we are?" I snorted, twisting my wrist slightly in his hand and grabbing his forearm. His skin was smooth and warm under my hand.

He smiled slightly and sighed then, pulling me closer to him and wrapping his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on top of my head and I pressed my face against his chest.

"I miss you, Bells. I hate that you've become so down the past few months."

"Not your fault. I think this last pregnancy just really took it out of me."

"We should go away for a few days, just us."

I laughed and shook my head. "Go where and with what money?"

"Maybe we can just hole up in our room."

I smiled and nodded. "Sounds good. You get to tie the kids up somewhere with food and water and send the dads away."

"Can't they take the kids?"

I chuckled. "Maybe Lucas, but Nessie wouldn't like it and Bill and the girls are too young."

"Shame." He rocked me back and forth for a moment before releasing me. "I'm going up to bed. You coming or are you going to stay out and sulk?"

I sighed. "I'll come."

He smiled softly at me and held the door for me. I led the way through the quiet house, past the kitchen and Billy's room and bathroom and upstairs. I paused upstairs to check on the kids, first the nursery where the twins were sleeping peacefully, then the boys' room and then Nessie's tiny little room. All were sleeping soundly, spread eagle in their beds just like their dad. I smoothed silky black hair and kissed warm dusky foreheads before making my way into my room.

Jake was already back in bed, his back to me as I pulled out a dry nightshirt and panties and ducked into the bathroom. I toweled my hair relatively dry and changed into the dry clothes. I studied myself in the mirror for a moment before sighing and turning off the light.

I didn't like who I'd become this past year. I'd fallen head first into post-partum depression and was having a really hard time climbing out of it. The move, the kids, the money, all of it had crashed down on me and buried me at the bottom of my pit of despair and I felt alone down here. Utterly and completely alone.

I could hear the deep even breathing signaling Jake was fast asleep. I crawled in on my side and settled in, my back to his back, staring at the wall. I could see the outline of the frames with the pictures I knew by heart: ones of the kids from last 4th of July laughing and covered in ice cream or condiments or sand, depending on the time of day the picture had been taken. There was one up there of me in the hospital, holding the twins moments after their birth. I was all sweaty and puffy and looked horrible and ecstatic. There was one of Jake and me when we were teenagers in high school, splashing around on First Beach. He was holding me in a fireman's carry and running into the water while I was screaming with laughter. Great photos of great moments. Some nights, it felt like those memories were the only thing that kept me going. Then I'd hear a snuffle or a cry from another room and I'd remember the five little people who all needed me. I blinked back a few tears as I listened to Jake's snoring. It always started with the soft snuffles.

I waited until he was in full on sawing logs mode before I climbed out of the bed and made my nightly trek into Nessie's room. I gently shifted her over and crawled into the twin sized bed with her, cuddling her close to me. She sighed softly and nuzzled against me. I combed her dark curls away from her face and closed my eyes, breathing in her sweet little girl scent. I knew I wouldn't get to do this for much longer. In a few years, cuddling with Mommy wouldn't be acceptable and she'd be more interested in boys and clothes and make up than in me. I was terrified of her as a teenager so I clung to these childhood years with a vengeance. Lucas had already started pushing me away so I was left with my babies.

I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of the rain on the window.

I woke the next morning to the smell of coffee drifting up the stairs to me. Nessie was snuggled up against me, her thumb securely in her mouth as she studied me with wide brown eyes.

I smiled and smoothed her crazy hair. "Morning sweetie."

She pulled her thumb out of her mouth for a moment. "Morning, Mommy. Daddy's making pancakes."

"Sounds good. Should we go downstairs and get some?"

She nodded and climbed off her bed, running down the steps to the living room below. I could hear Dad and Billy greeting her enthusiastically. I smiled and pushed myself up, stretching tiredly. I always had a crick in my back from sleeping in this tiny bed butted up against Nessie.

I headed down the hall and smiled at my girls. Molly was standing up in her crib, her hair just as crazy as her older sister's. Olivia was sitting beside her looking confused. she always looked confused when she woke up.

Molly beamed at me and reached for me. "Ma," she laughed. I grinned and picked her up, settling her on my hip.

"Morning Sunshine," I laughed, kissing her temple. I awkwardly scooped up Olivia and set her on my other hip. She curled into me, resting her forehead against my neck and sucking on her thumb.

I walked carefully downstairs to the living room where I could hear Bill and Lucas arguing over something. I never understood what a seven year old and a 2 year old could have to fight about, but these two still managed to find something.

"Mine," Bill said stubbornly as I reached the bottom step.

"No, its mine," Lucas was insisting.

I set the girls down on the floor where they quickly made a beeline for their grandfathers who happily scooped them up. Before I could fully straighten up, I heard a bang and a wail. I moved faster than I thought I could, arriving in the kitchen to see Jake standing at the stove with Nessie on his hip staring at Bill who was laying on the floor beside a kitchen chair that had overturned. He was screaming at the top of his lungs while Jake and Lucas both stood in shock.

"What happened?" I gasped, dropping to my knees and scooping up Bill. He turned into me, sobbing against my chest.

"I didn't do it," said Lucas defensively. "He fell."

I looked up at Jake and he grimaced. "I didn't see."

"Bill, sweetie are you hurt?" I started to pat him down gently, looking for cuts or scrapes or whatever.

He was trying valiantly to stop crying, shooting mortified looks at his brother and father and now grandfathers who were in the doorway. He wasn't used to being the center of attention, my sweet middle child, and having all the men in the family watching him was not something he liked. He reached up and touched his head.

"Head hurts."

I sat him forward and winced when I saw that he already had a fairly large lump forming on his head. Luckily he wasn't bleeding. I kissed it gently and hugged him.

"You'll be fine. Its just a bump."

He nodded and looked around the kitchen for a moment before pushing away from me and walking over to Lucas and hitting him.

"Bill, no," I said sharply. "We don't hit."

"He pushed me," he pouted.

I raised my eyebrows at Lucas. He scowled. "He started it."

I sighed. "Both of you, time out. Now."

They scowled but retreated to the time out chairs: hard plastic chairs facing opposite corners of the living room. Lucas was getting too big for the chair but for now, this was his main type of punishment. I pushed myself up as Jake set Nessie on the floor and served some pancakes onto a plate and set the plate into the oven.

"You weren't paying attention?"

"No, Bella, I had three kids and I was cooking," he muttered as Nessie scampered into the living room with her grandfathers and sisters.

"I manage to keep a pretty good eye on five," I shot back as I grabbed plates from the cabinet.

He gave me a look before turning back to the skillet. "So fine, you're a better parent than I am. Big fucking surprise."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Now was not a great time to start a screaming match, which was just what I so wanted to do.

"I'm sorry," I said carefully. "I just…I was scared. He could really hurt himself."

"He's a klutz, Bells," Jake's voice was just as moderated as mine. "He's just like you in that he can't hardly walk without tripping on air."

I set the plates down on the table a little harder than necessary. "What were they fighting over?"

"I'm not sure," he sighed, turning and leaning against the counter to watch me. "A toy or something. Anything Lucas has, Bill wants. He wants to be just like his brother."

"Yeah." I stood on the opposite side of the table from Jake, studying him. I was gripping the back of the chair in front of me so tightly my knuckles were white. My heart was slowing down but I was still upset. "Just think how the girls will all be."

A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Just look at the boys as a warm up for that."

I nodded and released the chair, walking across the kitchen while Jake served up more pancakes, sliding the second plate into the oven to join the first. I opened the refrigerator and pulled out the milk and orange juice, setting both on the table before preparing a sippy cup of milk for Nessie and Bill. I was caught up in what I was doing and so was caught off guard when Jake walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my neck.

"I'm sorry I'm such an ass. I'll try to do better," he mumbled.

I closed my eyes and leaned back. I needed Jake more than I realized sometimes. He had always been the light in the darkness for me, the safe harbor in a storm. I'd always been able to go to him whenever I had problems and I hated that I hadn't done that recently. I turned in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck, raising up on my toes and kissing him lightly.

"I'm sorry I've been distant and…just not me. It's hard to be where I am right now."

He nodded and stroked my hair lightly, pushing it behind my shoulders as he studied me. "Is there a reason why you don't sleep with me anymore?"

"Is there a reason you don't want me anymore?"

He groaned softly and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back. "That again?"

"Yes, that again. You haven't really touched me in over a year now, Jake. That's a long time for anyway, but especially for us."

He looked at me then and sighed. "You don't want me to. I try and you push me away. I look and you glare at me. I kiss you and you get angry with me. I can't read you anymore since you've been in this funk and I don't know what to do to make you see that you're my heart."

I laughed softly. "Sappy."

"You seem to like that, though. At least you smile."

I nodded and rested my forehead against his chest. "I think we need to go on a date or something. Have an evening without the kids. Or therapy. A date night's cheaper though."

"I'm on it. Tonight."

"I love you, Jake, I really do."

"I know you do. Why else would I keep putting giant babies in you?"

I laughed again and swatted him before pulling away. "Jackass."

"You love my ass."

"Eh, it's ok," I teased, moving to the living room to let the others know breakfast was ready.


	11. Chapter 11: Crying in the Dark

"Are we ever really ready?"

I looked up from unbuckling Olivia from her car seat. "What do you mean?"

"To lose someone. Are we ever really ready?" he picked up Molly while I sat Olivia on my hip, hitched the diaper bag over my shoulder and followed him inside. Lucas, Bill and Nessie were trooping in tiredly behind us.

"I don't think we are," I admitted. "Even after an illness like your dad's, we're still not really prepared."

He nodded and stood Molly on the table in the entryway to take her jacket off. I knelt down with Olivia. She was practically asleep already. It had been a long day and it was hours past her bedtime. The others, too. I pulled her jacket off, then set her in my lap and pulled off her shoes and tights. Bill reached for his dad and Jake held him against his chest, rubbing his back, lost in thought as he awkwardly scooped up Molly, too. I stood up, Olivia draped against me similarly. I reached over and touched Jake's arm and he looked at me, grief etched on his face.

"Eventually, it'll get easier," I murmured, a catch in my voice. "It sure as hell can't get worse, right?"

He gave me a wan smile and leaned over, kissing my forehead lightly. He led the way upstairs while I reached out and took Nessie's hand. We systematically dropped them off in their rooms, Lucas taking Bill's hand and leading him down the hall to their room, Nessie wandering off to hers while Jake and I set Olivia and Molly out on their bed. We pulled off their dresses, leaving them in just diapers for the night. It was warm for Forks so they'd be alright.

I made my way down the hall to check on Nessie while Jake went to ensure the boys were comfortable and settled in. Nessie hugged the ratty bunny Billy had given her last Christmas and sucked on her thumb, a habit that had resurfaced the last year since Billy had been sick. I kissed her forehead and moved down the hall to the boys' room. I paused in the doorway and looked in at Jake as he read a picture book to Bill. Lucas was pretending to not be interested but I could tell he was.

"Hey."

I looked up and Dad was standing unsteadily in the hallway behind me. He looked significantly worse for wear.

"You're drunk," I said accusingly.

He wobbled slightly in his stance. "No mnot," he contradicted me.

I rolled my eyes and started towards him. "Let me help you to bed."

"I'm fine," he slurred. "Just havin' a drink t' Billy."

"I know, Dad, come on. You can drink more tomorrow, I promise."

He grunted but let me lead him out of the room and into his room. He collapsed with a huff onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling while I pulled his shoes off and pulled the light summer quilt up over him.

"He's m' frend."

"I know Dad."

"M' bes frend."

"I know."

"I loved him, y'know. Not gay like or anythin', but I loved him. I never told him." To my shock, my dad started to cry. I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his arm lightly.

"He knew, Dad, I'm sure of it. And he loved you, too."

He nodded, then rolled over, his back to me. I swallowed hard and kept rubbing, waiting until he was asleep before heading out of the room. I pulled the door shut quietly behind me and leaned against it, wiping at my own tears. I could handle a lot of things but my father crying was not one of them.

I took a moment to collect myself before poking my head in the door of the boys' room, checking on my sleeping children like all mothers do after a trying day, ensuring their safety and happiness.

Lucas had fallen asleep in the time I'd been gone, sprawled across his bed, spread eagle, sleeping like his father. His mouth was open slightly and his long dark lashes rested on his faintly pink cheeks. His dark hair was already tousled and his shirt rumpled from a day spent playing with other children, all blissfully unaware of the grief and sorrow around them.

Jake was sitting on Bill's bed, holding Bill against him, staring down at his face as though memorizing it. I could see the sliver tracks of his tears in the moonlight through the window. The light made him look older and younger at the same time.

Bill was starting to look more and more like a boy and less and less like a baby. All my children had the same rosy hue to their skin, the same dark hair and eyes and gorgeous lashes and perfect lips. While the twins' faces and bodies were still plump, he was finally starting to lose his baby fat and grow into the lean wiry boy he would be someday, just like Lucas had once done.

I crossed the room and sat beside Jake, resting my head on his shoulder and lightly resting my hand on his forearm. "He's asleep now."

Jake didn't say anything and I closed my eyes, feeling his slow steady breathing under my cheek. I could hear the wind outside the house, the mournful cry of it breaking my heart a little more than it already was.

I felt his hand in the darkness, reaching around and resting against my waist. His thumb rubbed lightly against the skin above the waistline of my pants. "He's handling it better than I want to."

I nodded and closed my eyes tiredly. "Only some of us are allowed to get rip roaring drunk, apparently Dad's laid claim to it for now. You can have a turn later."

He nodded, his fingers tracing light patterns on my skin. "They're reading the will tomorrow, then Rachel and Rebecca are coming over to go through Dad's stuff. I guess we need to pack it all up so Lucas can have the room. It's probably time for him to get his own room now."

"Jake there's no rush. We can take our time with this. You don't have to do this."

"I do," he said with a sigh. "He was my father."

I sat up, twisting and looking at him. "He was your father, and as such he'd understand if you needed more time, Jake. He wouldn't expect you to be ready to do this yet."

He was quiet, looking down at Bill again. I sighed and leaned forward, kissing his forehead. "I'm going to bed, Jake. Just make sure he's covered when you put him down."

"I've been a parent just as long as you, Bells," he said softly, a hint of a grin on his face.

I smiled back at him and touched my lips briefly to first Bill's and then Lucas's foreheads before heading to my room.

I stripped down naked and headed to the bathroom. I pulled out a towel from the cabinet and put it on the toilet tank before I turned on the water. I held my hand under the stream to gauge the temperature before climbing in.

I let the hot water wash over me before methodically washing my hair and body. When I was finished, I stood for a while longer. When I was sure I couldn't hold it in any longer, I closed my eyes and tilted my head back and gave in.

I'd been holding it all together for what felt like months. Billy's cancer had been a shock to us all and for him to go downhill so quickly barely gave us time to adjust and adapt. Jake and his sisters had been the strong stoic Indian stereotype for Billy, assuring him that everything would be ok. When Billy finally slipped away, they'd quietly said their goodbyes in private, then went their separate ways. I found Jake hours later on the beach in La Push. He'd fallen to his knees and his head was thrown back as he keened to the sky, crying for his father.

I knew in that moment that I had to be strong for him. In spite of the fact that our relationship was still recuperating from the last two years of strain and distance and depression, I couldn't give in to my own grief as publicly as my husband was because he needed me to be there to lean on. He needed me to take care of him as he had always taken care of me.

I sat on the floor of the tub and hugged my knees to my chest, sobbing for the grandfather my younger children wouldn't remember, the friend my father had lost, the father my husband would miss and the man who'd been like a father to me.

Twenty minutes later, I climbed into bed. The tips of my hair left fat drops of water everywhere, turning the lavender bedspread eggplant. Jake was standing at the window, looking out thoughtfully.

"Did Edward Cullen really climb up the tree at your house in Forks?"

I laughed softly and sat up, drawing my knees up and loosely draping my arms around them. "Yeah, a time or two."

"I'm surprised Charlie never shot him."

"So am I."

He chuckled softly then turned around. "Remind me to chop down any trees near the kids' bedroom windows." His eyes widened slightly when he saw me. I looked down and flushed. The water from my hair had made my white t-shirt translucent and my nipples were clearly visible through the thin cotton. I shook my head slightly and looked back up at him.

"Oh, come on. You've seen them before. You shouldn't be so surprised or turned on."

He grinned and crawled into the bed, pulling me close to him and kissing me firmly. One hand snaked up under the hem of my shirt and gently cupped my breast.

"I will never get tired of the sight of your nipples, especially in that t-shirt."

I laughed softly against his mouth and adjusted slightly so I was more fully under him. I rested my hands lightly on his sides, rubbing tiny circles on his skin with my fingertips.

He held his weight off of me with one hand, using the other to push his boxers down and to push my panties to the side as he guided himself into me. I gasped softly, like I always did. It was always a little bit of a surprise, even after nearly ten years. His hand came back up to my shoulder and he lowered his chest so it brushed against my breasts as he moved against me. I wrapped my legs around him, my hands moving up and cupping his face.

Our eyes were locked and no words were needed. This wasn't about romance or creating a child or healing a marriage. This was about feeling alive and being comforted in a time of grief. This was two people who loved each other showing that love and the relief of being alive. This was acknowledging the pain of the loss of a family member while children slept in a room down the hall across from a passed out drunk. This was everything and nothing at the same time.

His pace increased and the headboard began to knock against the wall slightly, the bed springs squeaking softly. He reached up one hand and gripped the headboard, dulling the thumps with his knuckles so as not to wake anyone else.

"Almost there," he panted.

I nodded and adjusted slightly, raising my hips and pulling him deeper into me. He groaned, tightening his grip on the headboard. The arm holding his weight was shaking lightly with the exertion.

His eyes closed and he groaned again softly, his face screwing up a little as he shuddered around and inside me. I smoothed his face with my hands and he reached up, catching my wrist in his grasp and kissing my palm. He lowered himself onto his elbows, still inside and around me.

"God you're beautiful," he breathed, kissing me again.

I kissed him back, my arms wrapped around his neck.

He rolled onto his side beside me, awkwardly pulling his boxers back up and readjusting my panties. "Did I make a mess?"

I snorted. "Probably, but it's fine. I'll just make sure I've got laundry duty this week so Dad doesn't see it. Even with five kids I think he's in denial that I'm not a virgin anymore."

Jake laughed softly and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Maybe he thinks you adopted them."

I rolled my eyes. "He was there when Nessie was born, Jake. In the room, actually. He definitely heard me screaming at you."

He grinned and nodded, his fingers lightly ghosting over my lips. "They're fantastic kids, though, you know?"

"They really are, in spite of us," I whispered.

"Maybe because of us."

I laughed softly and nodded. "Maybe because of you."

Jake shimmied down in the bed a little, wrapping his body awkwardly around mine and resting his head on my chest. "So did you have sex with Edward in your bed? The one we gave Nessie?"

I snorted and combed my fingers through his hair. "No, not Edward Cullen. Not in my father's house. And there is no way I'd give a bed I had sex in to one of my children."

He chuckled softly, his thumb rubbing against the bottom of my breast. "So where? You don't talk about him much, but I know you two had sex."

"Why do you want to know?" I asked curiously.

"I don't want to think about other stuff and this is probably the one part of you we've never discussed."

"I never discussed it because I figured you wouldn't want to hear it."

"Well, I do now."

I was quiet, thinking. "We had sex the first time in the bed of the pickup truck."

He lifted his head and looked at me with astonishment. "Seriously? The truck?"

I laughed and nodded. "We were cutting class and hiding out in the truck. We started making out and then…sex."

He laughed and shook his head. "I always figured he'd be a candlelight and roses kind of guy."

"Oh, he was. After that." I grinned, remembering. "That was fall of Junior year. He took me to the Dew Drop for a couple of nights throughout the semester, and when his parents were out of town we'd stay at his house."

"I remember. I had to cover for you a couple times." He nestled his forehead against my neck, his breath warm against my throat.

I grinned. "I thought Dad was going to shit a brick when you told him we'd been on an impromptu camping trip one weekend when I forgot to tell Jessica our plans and she called looking for me."

"Shit, I thought he was either going to castrate me or shoot me."

"I'm very glad he didn't, in retrospect."

"I was glad he didn't at the time."

I chuckled and nodded. "I guess I was too, though I hated that you were dating what's her name."

"Kelly."

"Right. Bitch."

"She really was."

"So was she your first?"

"No, actually."

I frowned, trying to remember the girls before and after Kelly. Jake had dated a lot in his life. "Angela?"

He laughed and shook his head against my neck. "Remember Jennifer?"

"Rachel's roommate Jennifer?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yes."

"You are such a bad brother!"

He laughed and shifted on the bed so he could make eye contact. "She seduced me," he protested. "I was an innocent."

I snorted. "Whatever. You were what, 17?"

"Fifteen."

"Child molester."

"She wasn't a child."

"She's who I'm talking about."

He laughed again and rolled onto his back, pulling me onto his chest. I slipped my top leg in between his and sighed softly. He gently stroked my damp hair and pressed a kiss to the crown of my head.

"Thanks for this, Bella."

"For what?"

"The sex, the talking, everything. Thanks for the five rugrats down the hall. Thanks for being strong for me and your dad. You can cry, too, you know. I won't break if you cry."

I traced circles on his bare chest. "I just want to be there when you need me and if I'm broken and crying, I can't."

"You're strong enough that we'll be fine. I know you cry at night, in the shower. I can hear you and I can see it in your face. He was like a dad to you, too, so cry all you want. I'll make it."

I pressed my face into his chest and kissed him. "Thanks. I think I'm cried out right now though. Can we sleep instead?"

He chuckled softly. "Sure sure."

I pushed myself up some and kissed him lightly on the mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	12. Chapter 12: Arguing in the Morning

"I think we should have a snow day."

"I know you do, but that's not up to us."

Lucas scowled at his breakfast, poking it with a fork.

"Eat."

He sighed and forked some more into his mouth. I watched him for a moment before leaving the kitchen to shout up the stairs.

"Bill, Ness, hurry it up! You're going to be late for school and I've got work today so you'll be walking."

"I'm coming, Mom," Ness shouted back at me.

"No snow day?" protested Bill.

I sighed and went back to the kitchen. Lucas' plate was suspiciously empty. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Did you eat that or am I going to find it in the trash can?"

"I ate it," he said defensively.

I put my hands on my hips and he sighed. "Maybe not all of it."

"Where is it?"

"Garbage disposal."

"Well, at least you're getting smarter."

He gave me that gap-toothed grin that reminded me so much of Jake at that age. I sighed and shook my head. "Go get your stuff together and tell your brother and sister to hurry up. Dad, too."

He nodded and ran out of the room, nearly tripping on the floor as he went. He may look like Jake, but his coordination was all me.

"I'm here."

I turned and gritted my teeth. "Ness, you are too young for lip gloss. Take it off."

"Daddy said I could," she said stubbornly.

"And I'm saying you can't. You're only 10, now go take it off."

She crossed her arms over her thin chest. "Daddy said I could wear it."

"I'll talk to him about that but you know you're not allowed."

"Come on, Bells, it's just a little lip gloss."

I looked up as Jake came into the room then, his hair still damp from his shower. "We discussed this already and I told her no on the lip gloss. I don't understand why you keep undermining me on that."

"Because it's just lip gloss," he said exasperatedly as he passed me to get some coffee. "What, you think because she wears lip gloss she'll start…"

"Ness, go upstairs and take if off. Now."

Her eyes widened at the tone of my voice and she darted out of the room. Jake turned to me, annoyed.

"I told her it was fine."

"You know why I've said no."

"Bells, all her friends are wearing lip gloss."

"Great, so when all her friends start having sex I'm just supposed to be ok with that?"

"She's ten," he argued. "She's not even thinking about shit like that."

"Not yet, but it all builds and it starts with lip gloss."

"Bullshit," he snapped, setting the coffee mug down and crossing the room in a few strides. "You're just angry because she's growing up and you can't stop her."

"So it's a crime to want my daughter to remain a child as long as possible?" I demanded. "I'm not allowed to cherish the days before she becomes obsessed with boys and make up and clothes?"

"Why do you think she'll be like that?" he demanded.

"Because all girls are like that. She's already got posters of that boy group on her wall. You know she kisses it every night before she goes to bed? She's ten, she's supposed to still be playing with Barbies."

"News flash, Bella, she's growing up. Faster than we want, but she's doing it."

"She's doing that because you're letting her wear lip gloss and those damn short skirts with tights and even fucking high heels. You're the one I'm blaming if she comes home pregnant at sixteen."

Jake did something then that I never in a million years would have expected him to do. He pushed me. Hard. I stared at him in shock as I fell and I saw the shock on his face as it registered what he'd done.

I hit the ground hard, wincing as my butt hit the tile kitchen floor. Jake stared down at me in horror before turning and striding out of the kitchen, not looking back. I heard the door slam shut behind him but I was too stunned to move.

"Mama?"

I turned and wanted to cry when I saw the horrified expression on Ness's face. She had seen the whole thing. I carefully pushed myself up, wincing slightly as I did so. I reached for her and she came over, helping me into a chair.

"Did you take off the lip gloss?" I asked in a calmer than I felt voice.

She nodded. I nodded back. "Good. No lip gloss until you start middle school at least, remember?"

"I remember."

I kissed her temple and stood up shakily. "I'll be right back. Can you get some breakfast for you and Bill?"

She nodded and I nodded back again before exiting the kitchen. Lucas was in the living room, his face dark with anger as he pulled on his jacket.

"Lucas, what's wrong?"

"I'm gonna kill him," he muttered, starting for the door.

"Kill who?"

"Dad."

"Stop."

"He hurt you," he shouted. "He's not allowed to do that. No one is."

"Lucas."

He stood in front of me, shaking with anger. I reached for him and pulled him against me. He was already taller than me but he folded his lanky frame around mine and let me sooth him.

"I hate him."

"No you don't."

"Yes. I do."

"Lucas."

He pulled away from me then, and stared at me, still angry. "Why? Why did you let him do that?"

"I didn't let him. He surprised me. He surprised himself, too. He didn't mean to do it."

"But he left. He left you on the floor, Mom."

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, he did. I'll talk to him later but for now, just…its ok. I'm ok."

"You're ok but this is _not_ ok."

I smoothed his unruly hair. "True. You've got to be calmer about this. But I promise you, if I need you to kick his ass, I'll let you know."

He nodded, relaxing some. We could hear the squealing of hydraulic brakes outside, the hissing as the bus slowed to a stop. He stood up then and wiped discreetly at his face.

"School."

I nodded. "Ness, Bill come on, school bus is here."

I heard Bill thundering down the stairs, his shirt half on as he skidded into the living room. "I didn't get breakfast."

"Ness probably has a pop-tart for you."

She came out of the kitchen then with just that. She wordlessly handed him two pop-tarts wrapped in a paper towel and his bag lunch. I helped them into their coats, handed them their bags and stood on the porch, hugging myself for warmth as they piled onto the school bus. I waved and watched as the bus rounded the corner, Lucas' face watching me from the back window until he was out of sight.

I noticed then that Jake's truck was still in the driveway. I studied it for a moment, then headed back inside.

"Dad?"

"Up here, Bells," he called down from the second floor. "I'm getting the girls dressed for preschool."

"Ok. I'm going outside for a second."

"Ok."

I pulled on my coat and grabbed Jake's before heading outside, pulling the door shut behind me. I could see his footprints in the snow now, going around the house and into the shed out back. I stepped in them, the snow otherwise too deep for me. It still tumbled in the tops of my boots as I walked.

I pushed open the door to the shed and stepped inside. It wasn't much warmer in here, but at least it was out of the wind. Jake was sitting on his work bench, staring at the ground.

I walked over to him and clumsily draped his coat around his shoulders. He looked up at me but didn't say anything. I sighed and sat next to him.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"That was kind of a rhetorical question."

He sighed and leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I just…I'm sorry."

I nodded and stretched my legs out in front of me, crossing my ankles. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It doesn't matter what you did, I'm the asshole here."

"Oh, believe me, I'm not contesting that."

A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Well, then we're agreed on that at least."

I nodded and stared at the wall across from me. It was covered in tools and an old out of date calendar with half naked women on it. I wondered absentmindedly if that had anything to do with the time Lucas spent out here. I decided to push that though out of my mind. Fourteen or not, he was still my little boy.

"What happened to us?" he finally said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"We used to be fun. We used to not be able to get enough of each other and now…now it's like we're strangers living together."

"It's not that bad," I objected.

"Ok, but still. Remember the night we had sex on the kitchen floor? Or all the times in the shower?"

"So you miss the sex?"

He sighed. "I miss who we were. I miss the laughing and the jokes and the just…being together."

"We had a family. We had money problems. We had tragedy."

"We still had each other though, and that should have been enough."

"I'm sorry I'm not enough for you," I said in a low voice.

"That's not what I meant."

"It sure as hell sounds like it."

"Well, we've already established that I'm an ass."

I hooked my arm in his and leaned my head against his shoulder. "Yes, and in spite of that fact, I still love you. You're _my_ ass, Jake."

He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "I wouldn't want to be anyone else's."

We sat in silence for a bit.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly.

"No. Just…surprised me."

He nodded and sighed. "I love you, Bells."

"I know."

"I'd hate myself if I hurt you."

"Well, Lucas is doing that for you right now."

"Lucas?"

"He and Ness saw."

"Fuck." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll talk to them when I get home from work."

I nodded, reaching up and smoothing his hair some. "Speaking of, you need to go."

"I know, but I can't until I know for sure you'll be here when I get back."

"Jake, come on. You think I'd leave over something like this?"

"I'd like to think not, but then I did something today I never thought I'd do."

"I'm not leaving you. We have too much history and too many children for me to leave you. But you're not off the hook."

"I don't want off."

I nodded and stood up. "Go. Work hard, earn some money and come home to your family who love and support you."

He stood up too, his coat falling onto the bench behind us. He pulled me into a hug then, lowering his face and burying it in my hair, squeezing me tight against him. After a long moment, he raised his head and kissed me tenderly.

"I love you."

"I know." I cupped his face in my hands and smiled at him. "I'll see you later."

He nodded and grabbed his coat, pulling it on as he held the door open for me. I stepped through it and continued on to the house while Jake went to the truck. Before the door shut behind me, I could hear him roaring out of the drive.

Dad was in the kitchen, feeding the twins. Olivia looked up at me, beaming.

"Mommy!"

I smiled and leaned over, kissing her head. "Morning, sweet girl." I kissed Molly's head, then Dad's cheek.

"I've got to run. Its my morning to open."

"Ok. I'll get them to school ok. Need me to get anything at the store?"

"Not that I can think of," I smiled, grabbing my purse and tying my hair up. "I went a couple days ago."

"Ok. Need me to deal with Jake?"

"Jake?"

"I'm not stupid. Something happened."

I sighed. "I'm handling it, Dad."

"I'll do it. You know I will."

"I do. I'll be fine." I kissed his head again and headed out.

I drove carefully, for once agreeing with the boys that a snow day would have been nice today. I maneuvered the snowy streets like a pro and arrived at the office safely, climbing out and making my way up the slick sidewalk. I shook my head when I saw Edward's car already there.

"I was supposed to open," I called as I entered the office, stamping my feet on the mat.

I could hear him laughing from the back. "Sorry, the kids needed to be at school early so I just came on in."

"Uh huh." I shrugged out of my coat and hung it up, toeing out of my boots and slipping on my tennis shoes before starting the opening tasks. There weren't many and it looked like Edward had done most. I pulled the charts for the day's patients and started to get the rest of the things ready for the day.

"So how was your evening?" Edward asked, leaning against the check out desk conversationally.

I smiled. "Fine. Can you believe the amount of homework the kids have these days? Its incredible. I was beginning to think the kids would never get to bed last night."

He grinned, shaking his head. "So it's not just the private schools? I wondered."

"Nope. Public schools too. Even the twins have some in preschool. Coloring sheets."

He chuckled and checked his watch. "I've got a couple calls to make. Call me when the first patient's here."

"Will do."

I sat down gingerly, my ass sore from falling that morning. Edward raised his eyebrows.

"Everything ok?"

"Everything is great." I smiled at him brightly. "Go. I'll call you if I need you."

He nodded, his eyes scanning my form. I subconsciously pulled my sweater tighter around me in protection. I'd never tell anyone that Jake pushed me, even though it was an accident. I especially wouldn't tell Edward.

The day passed slowly, most of the patients calling off their appointments. I got a call from Lucas telling me that the schools had closed early so he, Bill and Ness were on their way home. Dad was used to having the twins by himself in the afternoon but I wasn't sure he was ready for all five at once.

I tapped on Edward's door. He looked up from the charts he was going over, his glasses low on his nose.

"Yes?"

"The schools let out early and I'm not sure my dad can handle all five alone. You ok if I head out? There's no one else scheduled for today."

He checked his watch. "Really?"

"Yeah. Everyone cancelled."

"Oh. Ok. Well, yeah, go ahead and go. I can handle the phones."

"You should go home, too, Edward. Be with your kids. You don't get to see them that often."

"They're with their mom this week."

"Oh."

"Yep. I'm bachin' it."

I smiled and fiddled with a loose string on my scrub top. "Well, have a good evening, Edward. Drive safe."

He nodded. "Same for you. Tell Jake I said hi."

I nodded and headed out. Jake wouldn't get that message. He didn't like that I worked for Edward. it had started out simply enough, covering when his wife left as a way to work off some of the bills we owed him, but then it developed into more and now I worked for him three days a week. the other two days he was at the clinic where they had their own staff. Jake especially hated the long drive I had in and back every day I worked.

The kids were outside playing, a couple of snow men and what looked like a half-assed snow fort started in the front yard. I counted three heads running around the yard as I pulled in carefully. I grinned at Dad on the porch with the twins, the two of them bundled up almost to the point of immobility. Grandpa Charlie always overdressed them.

Olivia squealed when she saw me and lifted her arms. I hefted her onto my hip and kissed her pink cheek.

"Hey Dad, how've they been?"

"Not too bad," he grinned. "We had some sandwiches when they got home and then they came out to play."

I nodded and set Olivia down, kissing Molly this time. Dad motioned to the swing he'd cleaned off and we sat, a twin in each lap and watched the older kids.

"So what happened this morning with Jake?"

I sighed. "We argued and it got out of hand."

"I told him ages ago I'd shoot him if he hurt you."

"I'm fine, Dad."

"You keep saying that but I don't believe you."

"Well, physically, I am. Emotionally, no. you know things have been strained for years now."

"Have things…escalated…before?"

"No. Never. You know he'd never do something like that intentionally."

"Sounds like it was fairly intentional this morning."

"It was a move out of frustration."

"I'll still shoot him."

"That would be bad since we still have five kids to put through school and I sure as hell can't do it on a part-time position with Edward."

"I've got my retirement and there's the money from Billy."

"The money from Billy's already been set aside for that and you need your retirement for you. No."

"I'm just saying."

"I know, Dad, and I appreciate it."

Molly wriggled out of my lap then and ran across the porch, carefully picking her way down the snowy steps and into the yard to join her older siblings. Olivia was content to snuggle with her grandpa, her dark eyes watching me somberly.

Hours later, the kids were settled in their rooms with homework or books and I was cleaning up from dinner. Dad was watching a game on TV so I didn't hear the door opening and closing quietly behind me. I didn't realize Jake was there until I felt his cold lips on my warm neck.

"Sorry I'm late. There were a lot of accidents today."

I turned in his arms and smiled. "As long as it wasn't because of this morning."

"It wasn't." He studied my face for a moment. "Do we need to talk more?"

I sighed. "Probably but I'm too tired right now."

He nodded and kissed me lightly. "Ok. Did you save me any dinner or am I eating cereal?"

I chuckled. "I saved you some. Meatloaf."

"Perfect."

He pulled his coat and boots off while I pulled his plate out of the oven and set it on the table for him. He sat down and dug in, eating quietly while I finished up with the dishes. We were silent, the only noise the blaring of the game in the next room.

"I swear, he's going deaf but he won't admit it," I grumbled.

Jake laughed softly and reached for me, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around my waist. "It's fine. At least he's here."

"Yeah." I rested my forehead against his and draped my arms around his neck.

We sat in more silence. There was nothing more to say, really. He'd apologized multiple times, I'd accepted his apology and forgiven him, he just needed to forgive himself. His mouth found my neck again, lightly sucking and nipping. I sighed contentedly and turned my head to give him more access. He turned my body on his lap, pulling me into a straddling position.

I leaned into him, capturing his mouth with mine.

"You know this doesn't solve everything," I panted as he fumbled with my jeans, moving my legs so he could push my jeans down my hips.

"I know, but it solves a few things. At the very least it makes me feel better."

I nodded and pulled him out of his jeans, eliciting a low groan from him. I swung my one jean clad leg over his lap again and lowered myself onto his body. His hands held my waist tightly, guiding and steadying me.

We moved together with the practiced motions of a couple who've been together for fifteen years. He trembled finally, his face pressed into my breasts to muffle his groans. I tightened my fists in his hair as he stilled beneath me, slipping a hand around to finish me. I shuddered against him, pressing my mouth against his to muffle my own moans.

I sagged against his chest tiredly, resting my forehead against his. "I love you."

"I know."

I smiled and looked up at him, kissing him lightly before carefully extracting myself and redressing myself. I took his empty plate and loaded it in the dishwasher, starting it up while he joined Dad in the living room.

I walked through, leaning over to kiss Dad good night as I went up to make sure the kids were all in bed where they were supposed to be. Dad grabbed my hand and quirked an eyebrow at me.

"You made up?"

I flushed and nodded.

He nodded back and looked at the screen again. "Maybe check yourself before you go into the kids' rooms. You look good and fucked right now."

I chuckled and squeezed his shoulder. "Thanks, Dad."


	13. Chapter 13: Alone in the House

I dropped my keys on the table by the door tiredly and pulled off my jacket, hanging it on the hook. I frowned. It was quiet. Too quiet.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells, I'm in here."

"Jake?" I followed the sound of his voice into the kitchen and stopped, staring at him with surprise. He was standing at the stove, stirring something in a pot. He looked up at me and grinned. "Where is everyone?" I walked over and ducked under his arm, peering into the pot.

"Well, Charlie took the boys on a fishing/camping trip and the girls are all at sleepovers."

I stared up at him. "We have the house to ourselves?"

"Yep." He grinned at me. "Frightening isn't it?"

I laughed and stood on my toes, kissing him lightly. "I'd say so. I can't remember the last time that happened."

"Oh I do. We ended up with Liv and Molly nine months later."

I made a face at him as I moved to set the table. "Well, we'll just have to be more careful this time. We do not need six children."

He chuckled softly and moved to the refrigerator, pulling out a couple of salad plates. "Well, condoms and birth control aside, I thought we'd take advantage of this rare opportunity and have a romantic night in. No pretense, no expectations, just us and some food and conversation."

I smiled at him, crossing the room and taking the salad plates from him. I set them on the table before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him again. "I think that sounds absolutely perfect."

He grinned and motioned to the table. "The food isn't quite ready, so we can eat our salads first."

"Perfect."

I sat in my chair and he sat down across from me. It felt strange to be eating at this big table without the rest of the family. We ate in silence for a bit.

"So how's the garage?" I asked finally.

"Good. We actually talked today about possibly opening another shop on the other side of town."

"Really? Jake that's great."

He grinned and stabbed a slice of avocado, popping it in his mouth. "If we did that, though, it'd mean more hours for me."

"Well, that's understandable. The kids are all in school now so it's not as rough as when you started the first garage."

He nodded, chewing thoughtfully. "I was thinking. Lucas is sixteen. Remember what we were like at sixteen?"

I grimaced. "How could I forget?"

He chuckled softly. "I was thinking that I could hire him on at one of the shops, get him working early, earning some money so he's not always hitting us up when he wants to take Diana out."

"You know, I never would have put him and her together," I shook my head as I took a sip of my water. "I mean, she's so…well, she's so much like her dad and he's so much like you."

"Hey, it's not like we hated each other in high school," Jake protested.

I laughed and stood up, taking our empty plates while Jake served up the entrée. It looked like spaghetti. "No, but there was definitely no love lost between you two."

"Bells, the tension was all about you. I'm surprised you never figured that out."

I paused for a moment, thinking. "Really?"

He snorted and set the plates down on the table, opening the oven and pulling out a cookie sheet of garlic bread. "Yes, Bella."

I grinned to myself, grabbing the parmesan cheese out of the fridge and sitting back down. "Well, that's flattering."

He grinned as he carefully flipped a slice of bread onto each of our plates. "You were a hot little number in high school, Bells. I was just too chicken shit to do anything about it." He leaned down, his lips brushing my ear. "And believe me, Bells, you still _are_ a hot little number."

I grinned up at him, blushing slightly as he took his seat.

The rest of the meal was wonderful. We talked and laughed, catching up on each other's lives. It felt like it had been years, and in truth it probably had been, since we'd just had a moment to ourselves like this. Partway through the frozen tiramisu, Jake reached across the table and took my hand in his and didn't let go, lacing his fingers in mine and rocking our hands back and forth.

We lingered over the tiramisu, nibbling and sipping the wine Jake had poured for us. Jake grinned at me and finally released my hand. "Now for part two of Romancing Bella Night."

"There's a part two?" I asked with surprise as he stood up and took our plates.

"Yep. It's really just an extension of part one, but I think you'll enjoy it. Go on into the living room. I'll clean up."

I quirked an eyebrow at him but obeyed, kissing him lightly as I went. I automatically started picking up toys and books that the kids had left scattered around, tossing them in each one's basket. Lucas' basket was overflowing. It was a wonder that kid could find anything.

The baskets were my own little stroke of genius. Each person in the family had one, all lined up behind the couch. As we left stuff downstairs, someone would grab it and toss it into the correct basket. When your basket was full, you were supposed to take it up, empty it, and bring it back downstairs. Lucas was the worst at doing that. He usually just rummaged through the basket looking for whatever it was he couldn't find.

I settled on the couch, stretching my legs out tiredly and yawning. A long day at the office and then the big meal were making me very sleepy.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, Jake was gently rubbing my bare foot between his large warm hands. I jumped, startled, and he grinned, chuckling softly at me.

"Didn't mean to startle you, just thought I'd give you a foot rub."

I smiled and wiggled my toes for him to continue. He grinned and kept rubbing, digging his thumb into the arch of my foot and hitting a tender spot. I groaned appreciatively.

"So is this part two?"

He grinned. "No, this is actually part four, but we can skip part two if you want. You look pretty tired."

"I am," I admitted "but you spent some time planning and I don't want to ruin that for you."

He laughed and switched feet. "I didn't realize I had the opportunity to plan anything until about 3 when Ness called and asked if she could spend the night with one of her friends. I called Charlie after that, asked if he felt up to a fishing trip with just the boys. He jumped at the chance and then…voila. Here we are."

I smiled. "So what's part two? Maybe it's lamer than you think and I won't want to do it."

He chuckled softly. "I've got a couple of blankets spread out on the ground in the back yard and we were going to just look at the stars and talk."

My heart melted a little. "Really?"

"Really."

"You're being incredibly sweet and romantic. What'd you do?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Nothing. I just…I'm trying to make things right, trying to reignite what got dampened."

I smiled and sat up, pulling him closer to me and kissing him. "You're too good for me sometimes."

"If anyone is too good, I think it's you."

I grinned. "Let's just agree to disagree then."

His arms dropped around my waist and he pulled me into his lap, kissing me deeper. I smiled and pulled back slightly. "Star gazing?"

"Yeah."

"Let's go."

He released me and we made our way to the backyard. I smiled at the thick pallet he'd created with old blankets and carefully lowered myself onto it.

"You must have pulled some serious strings. I believe this is the first clear night in six months," I teased as Jake stretched out beside me.

I heard his quiet laugh in the darkness as he took my hand. "I may have made a couple of calls."

"And the weather is perfect. You really outdid yourself here Black."

"Never let it be said that I don't go all out in my seduction techniques."

I grinned and raised our hands, turning them so I could see the soft gold of his wedding ring in the dim light. I rubbed my finger along it, marveling at the way the gold captured and held Jake's warmth.

"Oh yes, our first time was so romantic."

"Hey, it was," he laughed, squeezing my hand. "I told you I loved you and wanted to have a baby with you. What more could you ask for?"

I snorted. "Some girls get candles, roses, bubble baths, something. Irrepressible passion."

"You don't think our first time was romantic?" He sounded hurt.

"No, it was perfect. Exactly what our relationship was and is. I do have to say, though, I wish I'd gotten a date out of it."

Jake laughed loudly then. "I took you out for dinner that night didn't I?"

"Ok, true, but it was after the sex. I think it would have been nice to have gone on a date before we had sex. I don't regret anything," I added quickly "just…you know, retrospect."

Jake nodded. "I'll keep that in mind for the future."

"Future?" I rolled my head to look at him. "What future are you talking about?"

"Well you know, my next life when I'm some incredibly hot young man with bulging muscles and girls all over the world chasing me. I'll make sure to take them out to dinner first before having sex with them."

"See, that's all I ask, that you learn from the past."

"I do try."

"So what do you think you did in a past life?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Dunno. Maybe I was some kind of benevolent benefactor or something, giving lots of people money or assistance or something."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, I must have done something pretty awesome in a past life to deserve you, cause I sure as shit haven't in this life."

I smiled. "Smooth talker you."

He studied my face. "I'm serious though. You know all the shit in my life and yet you picked me and continue to pick me. I'm really grateful for that."

I was quiet. "I'm not perfect. There were a few times I thought about leaving, Jake."

"I know."

I sighed and finger combed his hair out of his eyes. "And that doesn't bother you?"

"No. You didn't leave."

"So you think I'm perfect?"

He grinned then. "Not even a little bit, but you're perfect for me. That's what matters, right?"

"Right."

"There is one thing."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I knew it. What?"

"Edward."

I sighed. "Yes?"

"He…" Jake paused, thinking. "It makes me uncomfortable the way he looks at you sometimes, Bells. There's definitely still something there for him."

"Jake, come on…"

"No, Bella. I'm serious. You didn't see it in me in high school and you're not seeing it in him now. I'm not asking you to quit your job or anything, I just…" He stopped and frowned. "No, you know what, that is what I'm asking. I don't want you to work for Edward anymore. It makes me uncomfortable for you to be there in that office with him all day every day."

"We're very rarely alone, Jake."

"I know, but would you want me working with Leah?"

I chewed on my lower lip. "No," I finally admitted. "I wouldn't."

There was another long silence, Jake's thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "So?"

"What would I do? With you opening another garage, it's not like this is a good time for me to be unemployed."

"We could use you at the garage doing the office stuff."

"Like I begged you to let me do years ago?"

He winced slightly. "Yeah."

"Do I need to submit a resume and have an interview or what?" I teased.

He grinned. "I think we could work something out." He pulled me close to him and kissed me again. "You ready for part three?"

"So ready."

He stood up and helped me to my feet, grabbing the blankets in one arm as we headed inside. He dumped them on the couch in the living room and turned, locking the door behind us. "I'm not planning on coming back down, so let's make sure everything down here is closed up."

I nodded and headed to the front door, double checking it was locked. We checked the windows and turned off the lights, heading upstairs for the next part of the evening. I had to admit, the Romancing Bella Night idea was definitely growing on me.

Jake led the way into our room and grinned at me over his shoulder as I stopped in the doorway, stunned. There were candles everywhere, not lit of course, and a bouquet of roses on my dresser.

"I would have gotten it ready, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise," Jake said sheepishly, pulling his lighter out of his pocket and lighting the candles.

"Its great."

He smiled at me and stopped after only lighting one. "Actually…" he set the lighter down and grabbed my hand, pulling me into our bathroom "I think the bath should be first."

I laughed as he leaned over, turning on the taps and pouring some bubble bath into the stream of warm water. The room was immediately filled with the aroma of my favorite floral scent. Jake stood up then, looking at me expectantly.

"It's kind of hard to take a bath with your clothes on," he teased as he started to pull his t-shirt off.

I rolled my eyes but followed suit, dropping my scrubs and underwear into a pile with his. Jake carefully lowered himself into the tub, then reached for me, holding my hand tightly as I settled against him, leaning against his broad chest with a contented sigh.

We sat and soaked in companionable silence for a while, shifting occasionally for comfort. I was on the verge of falling asleep when Jake kissed my ear.

"You ready for the last part of the evening?"

"Mmm…not sure. What is it?"

"A massage."

"Oh hells yeah."

He chuckled softly as I sat forward, watching with a sly grin as he carefully climbed out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his hips and reaching for me.

"You don't really need that do you?" I flirted, tugging on the top of the towel.

He grinned. "No, but I don't want this to be about me. Tonight is about you."

"You could totally be my good looking naked cabana boy giving me a soothing massage who I take advantage of later."

He grinned and shook his head slightly, wrapping a towel around me and pushing me lightly in the direction of our bedroom.

"Lay down," he instructed, picking the lighter back up and resuming lighting the candles.

I obeyed, settling down on the bed and getting comfortable while Jake moved around the room. I heard the rustle of fabric and turned my head in time to see him pull a pair of boxers up over his hips. I closed my eyes when his hands finally made contact with my skin. They slid easily and I could feel a warm liquid on my skin and smell the scented massage oils he'd gotten a few years ago that we rarely used.

He rubbed in silence, working out the kinks and knots in my back.

"You're putting me to sleep," I finally mumbled as his hands moved down to my butt.

"You want to call it a night?" he asked, his hands stilling.

I twisted slightly, looking at him where he was kneeling on the mattress, his legs on either side of me. "Are you ok with that?"

"I'm perfect with that. We've got until the kids get back to just be together." He leaned over and grabbed the towel, rubbing my back some before pulling the sheet up over me and stretching out beside me. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"So did you enjoy tonight?"

"I did. I really did."

"Favorite part?"

I smiled and rubbed his bare arm. "This. Just, seeing you and spending time with you and talking to you."

He smiled and leaned forward, kissing my forehead. "I'm going to rinse out the tub and blow out the candles. You go on to sleep, ok?"

"Ok."

He rolled away from me and I snuggled down in the middle of the bed, the first time I hadn't stayed exclusively on my side in ages. I closed my eyes and listened to the quiet sounds of Jake moving around the room, blowing out the candles and rinsing the tub out. The room was dark when Jake came back, crawling into the bed and pulling me back against him. I grinned when I twisted my legs with his and realized he'd taken his boxers off.

"Jake?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"I love you."

He sighed softly into the darkness. "I love you too. So much."

"I'm sorry I don't say it more often."

"I'm just glad you said it now."

I pushed myself up slightly and found his mouth in the dark. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tighter against him.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of a car door slamming outside. I rolled over, peering blearily at the clock.

"Jake," I rasped, pushing him lightly. "Wake up. One of the kids is back."

"Who?" he mumbled.

"Dunno. Sounds like just one so probably Ness."

"She can take care of herself," he yawned, rolling back over. "I'm surprised she's here already."

"Yeah, me too. I'll be back."

He nodded and pulled me down for a kiss before rolling over to go back to sleep. I grabbed his boxers and a t-shirt and pulled them on before heading downstairs. Ness was on her way up.

"Hey Mom," she said with a yawn.

"Hey Sweetie. Everything ok?" I pushed down the pang from the grown up "mom" instead of "mama." I missed mama.

"Yeah. I started my period and got blood all over my pajamas. Susan didn't have anything I could wear so her mom brought me home."

"You got your period?" I said softly, sitting down on the stairs with her.

She nodded, a grin on her face. "Yeah."

"How do you feel?"

She shrugged one slim shoulder. "Fine, I guess. I little tired."

"That's probably a combination of things. I'll bet you didn't get much sleep last night."

"No, not really."

"Well, your brothers and sisters are still out. Why don't you give me your stuff and I'll get it soaking. Do you need any supplies?"

She shook her head. "No, I've got some from Susan's mom."

"So are you the first?"

She grinned again. "The very first."

"That's my girl." I kissed her head and pulled myself up. "When your dad gets up, we'll make pancakes or something."

"Ok." She stood awkwardly for a moment before giving me an impulsive hug. She released me and hurried up the stairs to her room. I grinned and headed back downstairs to the living room where her backpack was. I unzipped it and pulled out the Ziploc bag of bloodied clothes. She would need to take care of this herself in the future, but today, I was feeling generous. I took the bag upstairs back to my room and started the tub in our bathroom so it could soak for a while and not be seen by her brothers.

"Everything ok?" Jake mumbled as I crawled back in.

"Everything is fine. She started her period and wasn't quite prepared."

"Period? Is she old enough?"

"Obviously."

He was silent for a long moment. "I'm not sure I'm ok with that."

I snorted. "It's a bit late to do anything about it, Jake."

"Well, ok. The twins. Not allowed to start menstruating."

I laughed and snuggled against his chest. "It'll happen, babe, just like the boys will masturbate, if they're not already doing so. They'll all grow up and move out and have lives and families of their own."

"I don't have to like it."

"Oh, you'll love it. You see how much Dad loves it and you know Billy loved it."

He sighed. "Shut up and go back to sleep and let me pretend they'll always be little kids."

I smiled and kissed his neck. "Yes, dear."

"Love you."

"Love you, too."


	14. Chapter 14: A Fist to the Gut

I looked up from my book when headlights swept the front windows. Jake was back finally. I glanced at the clock as I stood, stretching tiredly. I was not looking forward to what was about to happen, especially not at two in the morning, but I couldn't avoid it. Joys of parenting and all that.

A few minutes later, the back door opened and Jake and Lucas came in, their faces so similar it was eerie. Jake's had more lines and sharper angles, but they both wore the same furious expression, their black eyes alight with angry fire.

"Lucas, are you ok?" I breathed, stepping forward and pulling my tall son into a hug. He resisted at first, his body stiff against mine before he finally relented and hugged me back.

"I'm fine, Mom," he muttered. "Just a little sore."

I nodded and stepped back, assessing him in the brighter light of the living room. His face was cut and bruises were forming, as was a black eye. His lip was swollen and there was dried blood on his chin and the front of his shirt. His knuckles were also swollen and bleeding.

"What happened?" I asked quietly as Jake settled in Dad's chair.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" Lucas scowled. "I'm really tired."

"Tough shit. Sit down and talk," Jake growled.

Lucas shot him a mutinous glare but obeyed, sitting on the couch with his arms crossed petulantly over his chest. He stared at the empty fireplace and refused to look at us.

"Lucas, honey, what happened?"

"I was arrested. That's generally how you end up in jail," he retorted.

"Lucas," Jake's voice held a hint of warning "you'd better watch your tone."

"Or what? You'll hit me like you hit Mom?" Lucas demanded defiantly. "Go ahead. I won't take it like she did."

I stared at him in shock. "Lucas."

He turned to me. "How many times has it happened, huh? I read somewhere that it's never just once."

"In this case it was," I said firmly. "And we are not here to discuss problems your father and I had in the past. We are here to discuss why the hell you were arrested for battery. What happened?"

He scowled and stared at the fireplace again. "Some guy was mouthing off so I hit him."

"Lucas, where the hell did you ever get that that was acceptable behavior?" I sighed, settling on the couch beside him.

"I just said: Dad."

"You did not learn that from me," Jake said angrily. "I pushed your mother once and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I also apologized, groveled and begged for forgiveness. You did not learn that hitting was the first go-to in an argument from me."

Lucas didn't say anything but his scowl intensified.

"Who was it and what did they say?" I asked gently.

"Some asshole from school and I won't repeat it."

"Lucas, sweetie, you could be sued for this. You broke someone's nose."

"The guy's an asshole, Mom. I already told you that. Anyone who knows him wouldn't convict me."

"The judge doesn't know you or him. Maybe if we knew what he said we could help…"

"He called me a worthless half-breed, ok? He said my father was probably an alcoholic who beat my mother and my mother was a whore who couldn't do any better than an ignorant lazy redskin and the reason there's five of us is because you're too stupid to use birth control."

I stared at him, horrified. Jake's hands curled into fists automatically. "Who?"

"Jake," I said sharply. "Remember what we're doing here? No violence."

"No one talks about my family that way," Jake growled.

"I'll say."

We looked up and saw Dad standing in the stairwell, his eyes flashing angrily, just like Jake's and Lucas'.

"You give me the name son, and I'll make sure he doesn't speak about my daughter and grandchildren again."

"Enough," I said tiredly. "Yes, he's an asshole but he clearly doesn't know us if he'd say such a thing. None of that is true and you know it so why let it get to you?"

"Because it does," Lucas exploded. "Dammit, Mom, we don't fit in anywhere. We're half white so we don't fit in here, we're half Quileute so we don't fit in out there. We've been fighting this shit since we were old enough to understand what they were calling us and believe me, that was pretty damn early."

I stared at him again, surprised. "Why haven't you said anything?"

"Why? So you could talk to the other kids' moms and make it worse? No thanks." He shifted in his seat, his arms still crossed protectively over his chest.

"Yeah, Bella, talking to kids' parents rarely helps." Dad sat down on the other side of Lucas. "Especially with a situation like that. They probably learned that malarkey from their parents."

Jake stood up suddenly, startling me. He started to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace. "I should have known," he muttered, more to himself than to any of us. "I had to face some racism growing up. I just didn't think it'd be that bad for them since you're white, Bells."

"Who the fuck cares what color our skin is," I sighed, rubbing my face. "It's just the shit that keeps our insides in."

Lucas finally looked at me then, his eyes wide. I flushed slightly and patted his knee. "You didn't get your foul mouth from just Dad, kiddo. I could swear with the best of them at your age."

Jake chuckled softly, the tension lifted slightly.

"So what do we do?" Dad demanded. "Do I get to shoot someone? I haven't shot anyone in a while."

"I'm sorry Dad, but no. I really think that this situation warrants a conversation with parents. I know it's the pussy way out and it loses street cred for all of us, but that's what I think. As the mom, I know I don't get a lot of thought around here, but I should get some say in what we do."

There was silence in the living room as Jake continued to pace and Lucas started picking at the dried blood crusted on his face. I swatted his hands away and pushed myself up, heading into his bathroom and grabbing a wash cloth. I wetted it and came back out and sat on the coffee table in front of him, wiping carefully at his face. He winced but didn't say anything.

"Ok. We'll do it your way," Jake said finally. "I'd rather kick some ass, but your way is probably better."

"Of course it's better," I muttered, pressing the cold wet cloth against Lucas' eye to help with the swelling. "I'm a wife and mother. My ideas generally are about preservation of my family."

Dad sighed. "Can I come and bring my gun?"

"No."

"Even if I promise to bring it unloaded?"

I hid a smile and shook my head. "Go to bed, old man. You'll need to be here to watch the other kids."

"Ness is old enough," he pointed out as he pushed up from the couch. "Fourteen is old enough to be babysitting."

"It is, but not her 10 and 11 year old siblings."

Dad waved a hand dismissively as he climbed the stairs back to his room. Jake settled back in his seat and I resumed my place beside Lucas while he held the rag to his eye. Water dribbled down his cheek and wet the neck of his t-shirt.

"Who is it?" I asked quietly.

"Steve Newton. We were hanging out with a bunch of guys at the beach and he started talking trash about a couple of the other guys. I told him to shut up and he turned on me. I told him to leave me alone and he didn't so I hit him. Then I just…didn't stop."

I stiffened. "Newton?"

"Yeah. His dad owns the sporting goods store in Forks."

"Fuck me slowly," I groaned. "I went to school with his dad."

"Mike?" Jake sounded incredulous. "Mike got someone to sleep with him?"

"Apparently," I sighed.

Lucas looked at us with confusion. "So you know Mr. Newton?"

I nodded. "He had a thing for me in high school."

Jake snorted. "He was your stalker, Bells. You know how many times I caught him outside your window?"

"You caught him outside my window?"I asked, startled. "When?"

"Shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

Lucas looked back and forth between us. "Wait…you know Mr. Newton? You didn't date him or…anything…right?"

I grimaced. "God no. Have you met him? I'm sure the years haven't changed him much if at all. No, the only other guy in town you have to worry about me hooking up with is Dr. Cullen."

Lucas' face blanched. "You had sex with my girlfriend's dad?"

"Yes."

"I'm gonna be sick."

I grinned. "Yeah, but at least now your problems with Steve seem less horrible, right?"

Lucas shot me a look. "Can I go to bed now?"

"Yeah, go on. But you're in deep shit, kid. You're my bitch until you've repaid your mom and me the bail money. Plus, you'll have to pay for Steve's medical expenses and whatever else the Newton's ask. It sucks, but that's how we're doing it."

Lucas nodded and stood up. Jake and I stood with him and I sighed tiredly, pulling Lucas against me in a hug.

"For what it's worth, thanks for sticking up for me, sweetie."

He hugged me back but didn't say anything. I released him and stepped back, heading towards the stairs. I paused at the foot when I realized I hadn't heard Jake following me and turned. Tears sprang to my eyes when I saw Jake and Lucas hugging. I hadn't seen that in years. Lucas had been so angry at his father for so long.

Jake said something I couldn't hear and Lucas nodded, wiping at his face discreetly. I turned and kept up the stairs.

I sighed again when I reached the top.

"Ness, go to bed."

"Is Lucas going to go to jail?" she asked quietly, looking up at me with her dark eyes full of worry.

"He was already in jail, but I seriously doubt he'll go back."

She nodded, toying with the tops of her socks. "I can watch the others if you need Grandpa."

"Thanks, sweetie, but we'll be fine. Go back to bed, you've got school tomorrow."

She nodded again and stood up, turning to go back to her room.

"Ness," I said suddenly.

She turned. "Yeah?"

"Do you really get picked on a lot?"

She shrugged one slim shoulder. "It's not too bad."

I nodded. "I'm sorry. I feel like it's my fault."

"In a way it is, but we learned about stuff like that in biology and if it weren't you and Dad, we wouldn't be us."

I smiled and stepped towards her, pulling her into a hug. "I love you, you know."

"I know."

I released her and watched until she was safely in her room before making my way on up to mine. I could hear Jake behind me, locking doors, checking on the other kids as he made his way up to me. I sat down on the edge of the bed to wait.

He shook his head as he came in. "So now what? Can I kick Mike's ass in a dark alley again?"

"That was you in high school?" I gasped. "Jake, he had a broken rib."

"I caught him spying on you, Bells."

"You think that may have something to do with his son's hatred of us?" I wondered as I slipped under the covers. "Your bullying of Mike and my ignoring him?"

"Mike was a tool and it sounds like his son's one, too," Jake grumbled. "Bella, he didn't just watch you, he…you know."

I stared at him, uncomprehending at first. Then "Oh ew."

Jake chuckled as he crawled in beside me. "Yeah, he was a pervy little fucker."

"Have you noticed how our language has deteriorated since the kids have gotten older?"

Jake grinned. "I just quit swearing so much around them. I still swore at work all these years."

"Cheater."

He laughed and kissed my forehead. We lay in silence for a bit. "I have to say," he said after a moment "I'm pretty damn proud of him for standing up for his family. Not a lot of teenagers do that."

"True, but we can't let him get away with it."

"I know. I don't intend to. I won't have a son who spends time in jail or gets arrested on a regular basis. I just wish I'd seen it before now."

"Live and learn. We can't predict the future, especially not when it comes to raising kids. We think we know what's going to happen…"

"And they throw us for a loop," Jake finished, twisting his fingers in my hair.

We were silent for a long time then. I thought Jake had fallen asleep when his voice cut through the darkness.

"I had no idea he was so angry about that shove."

"He wanted to hit you that day, you know. I stopped him."

He nodded. "Maybe you should have let him. Maybe we wouldn't be here now with him hating me."

"I don't think he hates you, I think he just doesn't understand."

"I don't understand," Jake muttered.

"What'd you say to him, after I left?"

He was quiet for a beat. "I told him I loved him but I loved you more than anything else and I didn't want him to have to live with the same demons I had to live with and that if he didn't turn things around and soon, he would have worse ones."

"A single shove gave you demons?"

"No, the years of distance between us did. A couple of times I even regretted having kids and moving back, like maybe if we'd stayed in South Carolina we would have been fine."

"We're fine now. That's all that matters."

He nodded and kissed me again. "And Lucas will be fine. I'll make sure."

I hugged him close to me. "I love you, Jake, and your demons."

"I love you too, Bells."

***

Tali: Dude, I know. This is lame. Sorry. On the other hand, this and the chapter with the shove are based on some real events in my family. Loosely, but based in reality none-the-less.

On a slightly less lame note (or maybe lamer, who knows) I'm now on twitter! Its very exciting. I have random discussions with friends about random things. Come find me and let me know who you are! Talipatra. Easy enough, right? ;-I


	15. Chapter 15: Anxiously Waiting

I paced back and forth in the hospital hallway, chewing on my thumbnail like a teenage girl while I pressed the phone to my ear. Cell phones probably weren't allowed but I just didn't have the time to find a pay phone and get change.

"Bella?"

"Dad," I breathed, relieved one of the kids hadn't answered. "He's going to be airlifted to Seattle first thing tomorrow."

"Air lifted?" Dad's voice was alarmed. "What's going on? I thought it was just a headache?"

I swallowed hard. "I'll explain later, I swear, but I've got to call Rachel and Rebecca and Lucas still."

"Alright, sweetheart. Anything I can do from here?"

I sat down and leaned over my knees, feeling the tears welling up in my chest. "Pray. Hard."

"Of course. When are they moving him? I'll bring the kids up."

"I think they said 9 am."

"We'll be there at 7:30."

"Thanks, Dad."

"I love you, Bells. No matter what, I'm here for you."

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I hung up and took a deep breath, punching in Lucas' number. I missed my oldest since he'd gone off to college but we talked at least once a week. He was already going to be alarmed at seeing me calling him in the middle of the week, let alone the middle of the night.

The phone rang three times before his sleepy voice answered, sounding so much like his dad I almost broke down.

"Lo?"

"Lucas, sweetie, it's your mom."

"Mom? What's wrong?"

"It's your dad," I managed. "He's in the hospital."

"What? What happened?"

"He's had a couple of brain aneurysms and they're going to be airlifting him to Seattle tomorrow morning so there's no need for you to come here."

"Brain aneurysms? What the hell is that?"

"Bleeding in the brain. He'll be having surgery pretty much as soon as he gets to the hospital there."

"Fuck."

I hiccupped, fighting back sobs.

"You're not alone are you?"

"Yeah, I'm here at the hospital with him. Grandpa's got the others."

"Shit, Mom, you shouldn't be alone. I'm calling Ness."

"Lucas, sweetie, I'll be ok. I don't want her to see me like this."

"He'll be fine, right Mom?" his voice was desperate. "He has to be ok."

I wiped at my eyes, my throat aching. "I don't know," I whispered hoarsely.

"I'll meet you at the hospital. Which one?"

"Harborview."

"Perfect, that's just a couple blocks from the apartment. You'll stay with us."

"Thank you sweetie."

"I love you Mom."

I nodded, crying softly now. "I love you too."

I was exhausted. I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was nearly 3. Rachel would probably be getting up in an hour or two to work at the diner, but Rebecca might still be up out in Hawaii. I called her first.

After two more conversations of passing on the same information, I was completely drained. I stood up tiredly and walked into the room where Jake was laying stretched out on the small bed. He looked so out of place here. He was my big strong protector. He wasn't supposed to get sick or have any weaknesses. He was infallible in my eyes and it broke my heart to see him laying there, hooked up to so many machines. I pulled a chair over and clasped his hand in between mine, studying his face.

At forty-six years old, he was still a striking man. The years had added lines to his face and traces of gray to his hair, but not much and in a way that was appealing and sexy. His hands were still incredibly warm in spite of the coolness of the room. I had goosebumps on my arms but he was still…Jake. Radiating warmth from that big heart of his, warming up whoever was lucky enough to be beside him.

"You know my coping mechanism," I said softly, squeezing his hand in mine. "Worst case scenario. Figure out what's the worst that could happen and go from there, right? When we were broke, it was losing the house and having to move in with one of our dads. When we were so distant, it was divorce. When Lucas was having trouble, it was debate over military school. But this…Jake, you can't die. I can't go to the place where you aren't there. I can't do this alone. We still have four kids at home and Bill isn't ready to be the only man around besides Dad." I paused, struggling to catch my breath. "If you die, I will kick your ass when I die and see you again, you can be sure of that. You're not allowed to leave me Jake, not now, not ever. I want to die with you, not years after, not months, not even weeks. I don't want to be here without you."

I pressed his hand to my face and let the tears fall. My head was throbbing with the tension of keeping my tears back all evening. When I was spent, I scooted the chair closer and rested my head on the bed beside him, my hands still firmly gripping his, and gave in to sleep.

"Mom?"

I started awake, wincing as I sat up. Ness was standing in the doorway looking nervous. I noticed that she was looking anywhere but at Jake. I patted his hand again before standing up and rolling my head.

"Hey sweetie." I crossed the room and pulled her into a hug. "Where's Grandpa and the others?"

"They're coming. I brought your car so you can leave from here if you want. I packed you a bag, too."

I nodded and smoothed her hair. She looked past me at Jake then, swallowing hard. "Is he…I mean, is he going to be…?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

"He has to be," she insisted. "He's supposed to walk me down the aisle when I get married."

I wordlessly smoothed her hair. I didn't have any words of comfort to give her. I felt like I needed some myself. She took a deep breath and walked forward to Jake, reaching out hesitantly and taking his hand. I needed a bathroom and some coffee so I walked out the door in search of whichever I could find first.

"Bella."

I looked up and saw Dad coming towards me, Bill and the twins following behind him. I opened my arms and the kids crowded in, their hands fisting in my shirt and their faces pressing against me.

"What's going on?" Dad asked as he pulled me into a tight hug.

I quickly filled him in on the details and his face grew more serious with every word.

"You're staying with Lucas?"

I nodded. "He and Diana are meeting me at the hospital and then I'll go to their apartment at some point to sleep."

"You should rest before you get on the road, Bella."

"I can't, Dad. I need to be there with him."

"Bella, you won't be any good to anyone if you fall asleep on the road. Come sleep for a couple of hours."

"No, Dad," I said gently. "I'll get there and then I'll sleep but I can't wait. What if he wakes up or…" I stopped and took a deep breath, looking at the frightened faces of my children "and I'm not there?"

Dad's lips pursed and he sighed. "Fine, but Ness is going with you."

I opened my mouth to protest and he shook his head. "No, she insisted. I'll stay here with the younger three, get them ready for school, but she asked if she could go. You try telling that girl no, she's as stubborn as you were at her age."

I managed a smile and he pulled me into another hug. "Now, how many can go see him at once?"

Over the next hour and a half, we sat with Jake two at a time until the doctors came to unhook him from monitors and wheel him out. We all stood and watched as he passed us. I wished again that I could ride in the helicopter but there just wasn't room. We all walked down to the helipad and watched until the helicopter was a speck in the distance, taking the foundation of our family away from us. All I could do was pray that he would come back to us.

***

Ness was sleeping against me, heavier than she should have been for only sixteen. Diana was curled against Lucas' side across from us, her dark auburn hair falling across her face. Lucas was flipping through a magazine without really seeing the contents.

"Mrs. Black?"

I leapt up, sending Ness tumbling into my chair. She woke with a start, standing up quickly beside me.

"Yes?"

Lucas and Diana were on their feet too as the tired looking man in green scrubs came towards us. "I'm Dr. Lale. I've been operating on your husband."

"Is everything ok?" I asked, gripping Ness's and Lucas' hands tightly.

"Everything went fine. We were able to stop the bleeding and clean everything up. He'll be unconscious for a while yet and we'll be monitoring him for at least two weeks for strokes and more bleeding."

"But he's going to be ok?" I asked anxiously.

Dr. Lale smiled. "Yes, your husband should make a full physical recovery."

"Oh thank god," I breathed, pulling the kids to me in a hug.

"Mrs. Black, while he should make a full physical recovery, there's a possibility his mental capacities will be altered."

"Altered how?"

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. "His personality might be different. His attitude, his short term memory loss…possibly even his long term memory."

"So it's possible that he won't remember me," I clarified.

"Come on, Mom, its Dad," Lucas protested. "You're the love of his life."

I locked eyes with Dr. Lale and raised my eyebrows. He nodded grimly. "That is a possibility. We'll know more when he wakes up but even then, it could be months or even years before we know the full extent of the damage. For now, I'd suggest you go home, get some sleep and a bite to eat. He won't wake up for a few hours and he won't be really coherent for a while after that."

I nodded and stepped forward, grabbing him in an impulsive hug. "Thank you so much for saving him."

He hugged me back, rubbing my back. "It's the best part of my job."

I turned to the kids. "You all go. I'm waiting here until Dad wakes up."

"Mom, we'll wait with you," Ness insisted.

I shook my head. "No, you go get some sleep in a real bed. I'll start calling people and get the word out."

Lucas nodded. "I can help. Want me to call Aunt Rachel?"

"That'd be great, thank you sweetie."

"I'll call Renee," Ness volunteered, digging through her purse and pulling her phone out. She wandered off as she scrolled through the menu, looking for her grandmother's number. Diana got Rebecca's number from Lucas and the two of them disappeared down another hallway. I dug my phone out and called Dad.

"How's he doing?"

"He's going to be ok," I breathed, feeling tears of relief hard and solid in my throat. "There's a possibility of some brain damage and strokes but for now, we're waiting for him to wake up."

"Want me to bring the kids down to see him?"

I chewed on my thumbnail for a moment. Just then, the doctors walked past with Jake. His head had been shaved and it looked like someone had stapled his skull together with a staple gun. I stared at him for a moment as he was moved past me towards the recovery area.

"No. I don't want them to see him like this. Just…tell them we'll be home soon. Are they doing ok?"

"They're fine. Anxious but fine. Is Ness going to be home for school?"

I nodded and rubbed my temples. "Yes. I'll send her back somehow this weekend."

"We can come get her. I can come, actually. I've had some calls from people offering to take these three if you need me there."

There was a note of longing in his voice. I knew that he saw his old friend Billy in Jake and the prospect of possibly losing his best friend again, even in a remote way, was hard on him. Plus, Jake was the son he'd never had and always wanted. Truth be told, I would feel better if he was here.

I took a deep breath. "Maybe until they're in school? I'd like them to have some stability since Bill is starting high school and the girls will be alone at the middle school."

"I'll be there tonight."

"Thanks Dad. I love you."

"Love you too, Bells."

***

Tali: I know this is short, but it's really hard to write. Harder than Billy's funeral, harder than the shove, harder than anything else in this story. It's based entirely on my dad. He had three brain aneurysms in 1998 and this chapter is basically the first two days of that. He had a headache and my mom took him to the hospital. My brothers and I stayed up late, waiting to hear and got a call in the middle of the night stating he was going to be airlifted. I remember not really getting the gravity of the situation until I was alone with him in the ICU, seeing this giant of a man, my _daddy_…looking so broken.

The coping mechanism is my mom's and she told me that she had a conversation with my dad at one point while he was unconscious and basically told him what Bella says: "You can't die. You are not allowed to leave."


	16. Chapter 16: Revelations on Repeat

"Mom."

I turned from the window at the excitement in Ness's voice. Jake's eyes were open and he was looking around the room with confusion.

"Jake," I breathed, crossing the small room in two steps and grabbing his hand. "Hey. You scared us."

He blinked at me, frowning. "Renee?"

His voice was raspy and hoarse. I felt my heart sink a little. "No, I'm Bella. Your wife."

His eyes widened in confusion and he turned towards Ness. "That's Bella but we're not married."

"No, Dad, I'm Ness. I'm your daughter."

He stared at her for a long moment, then looked back at me, studying me as though looking for the girl I used to be. "Oh, right. Yeah." I could tell he didn't remember, but I wasn't surprised.

"Do you remember what happened?" I asked, settling on the edge of the bed, his hand still clasped between mine.

"Last night?"

I nodded. He frowned again, scratching his suture lightly. I gently took his hand and pulled it down.

"Last night Dad and I watched a ball game on TV and had pizza. Bella called and we set up a camping trip for this weekend." He cast a furtive glance at Ness who looked pained. I smiled, remembering what that meant.

"Last night you had surgery," I said gently. "You had a brain aneurysm and we airlifted you to Seattle and you had surgery."

He stared at me in shock. "No, no way."

Just then, Dr. Lale came in, smiling brightly. "I hear you're awake Mr. Black. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok," Jake said guardedly. "This woman who looks like my friend's mom says she's actually my wife."

Dr. Lale looked at me and I shrugged. "Apparently I look like my mom."

He nodded and motioned for me to move. I got out of the way and he started to do some tests with Jake. "So what is the last thing you remember?"

Jake frowned again, trying to remember. "Bells and I were watching a movie on TV."

My heart jumped. We'd been watching a movie when he went to bed with a headache. Ness looked at me with a hopeful smile.

"Oh? What were you watching?"

"Some lame chick flick. Probably _Sense and Sensibility_ or something. I think there were costumes." My hope deflated. It had been an action movie.

"And who is Bells to you?"

"My best friend." Jake looked at Dr. Lale like he was crazy.

Dr. Lale smiled and stood up, slipping his pen light into his pocket. "Well, you look good. You're very lucky to have such a good friend. Maybe you should marry her."

Jake's face burned red and he stared down at the blanket he was fisting in his lap. "Nah, she'd never go for that. She'll probably marry Cullen."

I reached forward and squeezed his foot. "You might be surprised."

He gave me a shy smile then looked down again. Dr. Lale turned to me, chuckling softly. "He looks good. He's still making up stories and details, but at least he remembers you now."

I nodded, relieved. The first few days, whenever he'd woken up, he'd stared at me as though I were a complete stranger. He didn't recognize anyone and forgot who we were almost as soon as we told him. Ness volunteered to sit with him and he asked her polite superficial questions, finally asking where the family had found her and how much she typically made as a companion. When she told me that, her face crumpled and I just held her. She was such a Daddy's girl it broke my heart that Jake didn't remember her.

One morning we'd come in and he finally recognized me. He motioned for me to come over to the bed and asked me to hold my hand out. I did so hesitantly and watched with a bit of horror as he deposited the pile of staples that had been holding his head together into my hand. Dr. Lale had simply laughed it off, saying it was a day or so sooner than intended but that his wound had healed fine. Even now, it was bright pink, the skin a little puckered and little dimples where the staples had pierced his skin.

Dr. Lale and I talked a bit longer, then he left, leaving Ness and I alone with Jake. He looked back and forth between us for a moment.

"So you're Bella and we're married." He looked at me as though he perhaps thought I was making things up. "And she" he pointed at Ness "is our daughter."

I nodded and sat on the edge of the bed facing him. "Yep."

"When did that all happen?" He looked adorably bewildered and I laughed softly, leaning forward and kissing him lightly.

"It's been a few years in the making," I admitted. "I'll tell you the story someday."

"So, we just have one kid?" he asked curiously, looking over at Ness again. Her face flushed and she stood up then.

"I'm going to go call Grandpa and Lucas and let them know what's up."

I nodded and she exited the room. Jake watched her go, a pensive expression on his face.

"No, we have five. Lucas is the oldest, he's 20, then Ness, 17, Bill, 14, and the twins Molly and Olivia, 13."

His mouth opened in an O of surprise. "Five? Damn. Was…" he flushed and stared down at his hands for a moment. "Was I that good or something?"

I grinned and squeezed his hands. "Yeah, you were that good. Plus we decided we wanted four in the beginning. The twins were a bonus."

He nodded and stared towards the window for a moment.

"So…I've seen lots of people. I remember who some of them are."

I nodded, squeezing his hand. "That's really good. You'll eventually remember everyone."

"I haven't seen my dad yet. Is he coming? Does he know I'm here? I mean, they'd let him in in the wheelchair, right?"

I sighed softly and rubbed his hand between mine. "Jake, sweetie, your dad died a few years ago. Cancer."

He stared at me again before his face crumpled and he started to cry. He sat forward then clinging to my shoulders, his face pressed into my chest, his arms tight around my waist.

"No one told me," he cried.

I rubbed his back with one hand and smoothed his hair out of his face with the other. "You did know," I said gently. "Billy lived with us for a while before he died. You were a good son, Jake. You took care of him and you…he loved you so much." My throat hurt from a renewal of tears. Jake was acting a bit like one of our kids and I wasn't quite sure how to deal with that.

He finally sat back, his eyes red and his face damp. He wiped at his nose and I wordlessly grabbed him a tissue. He nodded his thanks and stared down at his hands.

"How many times do you think you'll have to tell me that?" he asked quietly. The moments of clarity he had were sometimes startling. Once in a while, he remembered a lot of things, who I was, who we were, when and where we were and what was going on. Then, a few minutes later it would all be gone.

"I don't know," I admitted. "But I'll always tell you whatever you need to know."

He studied me again, nodding slowly. "That's probably why I married you."

I smiled and stood up, taking his tissue and throwing it away. "Among other things."

"You know, I always remember loving you. Just thought you'd like to know that."

I turned back to him, tears in my eyes. "I do like to know that." I leaned over and kissed his scar gently, then moved down and kissed his mouth. "You can tell me that anytime I forget it."

He grinned and nodded, sitting back and looking around. "So when do I get to go home, Renee?"

I swallowed back a sigh. "Soon."

Jake stared around the house for a moment, struggling to remember but not having much luck. Bill watched from the doorway, his lanky frame stiff and withdrawn as he watched his father walk slowly around the room, touching pictures and different items with his fingertips reverently. The twins and Ness were in the doorway to the kitchen watching wide eyed. Ness was used to this side of Jake from her weekends in Seattle, but the twins hadn't seen him in nearly two months.

Jake opened the door to Lucas' room and peeked inside, studying the sports posters and posters of women on the walls. He walked further into the room and sat on the bed, looking around. I followed behind him and leaned against the doorframe.

"This is Lucas' room?" he asked after a moment.

I nodded and he nodded approvingly, looking around. "I like it."

I chuckled and motioned for him to follow me. He stood up and walked behind me back into the living room. He smiled when he saw the kids standing around. Dad came down the stairs then and beamed at Jake.

"Jake, how are you son?"

Jake grinned at Charlie. "They tell me I'm going to be back to normal in no time. For now I'm just working on remembering where everything is."

Charlie nodded. "Sounds like you've got a jumpstart on being old."

Jake laughed and nodded. "Sounds like." He turned back to the kids. Bill was still in his place, his arms crossed over his thin chest as he regarded the exchange between his father and grandfather. "So. Do you like bowling?"

Bill blinked. "Bowling?"

"Yes. It's a game where you roll a ball down a long lane and try to hit some pins at the end. The more you hit down, the higher your score." Jake was totally serious.

Bill stared at Jake, then looked at me as though asking what to say.

"The kids haven't really been bowling before," I jumped in, stepping forward and putting a hand on Jake's arm. "We've never taken the time to take them but…maybe you could do that this weekend. You and Bill and the girls could go while I clean the house."

Jake nodded and looked towards the girls. "Are you three interested? Want to go bowling with me?"

"Sure, Dad, sounds great," Ness enthused. She nudged Molly. "Won't it."

Molly nodded but didn't look at Jake. "Yeah, it'll be fine."

Jake looked towards Bill. "Well? You up for it?"

Bill shifted and nodded. "Yeah, fine. Whatever." He turned then and walked outside.

I started after him but Jake touched my arm and shook his head. "Let me try. I remember more about being that age than I do about being…my age."

I nodded and watched him go. Dad stood uncertainly for a moment, then followed, staying at a discreet distance. I sat down on the couch then, dropping my head into my hands tiredly.

"Mom?"

I looked up. Ness and the girls were crowding around me, Liv curling up against my side.

"You ok, Mom?" Molly asked anxiously.

I sighed and nodded. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Is Dad always going to be like that?" Liv's voice was quiet, muffled against my side.

I sat back and gathered the twins against me, resting my cheek on Molly's head. "I don't know," I admitted quietly. "I hope that we'll get more of him back, but we're lucky we've got anything of him right now."

She nodded and sniffed quietly.

Ness rubbed her hands on her thighs. "It'll be fine," she said confidently. "Dad just needs our help with memory stuff. Bowling can help with that, we'll get him to do puzzles with us, watch movies and talk about them, it'll be fine."

I smiled at her gratefully. "Ness is right. You remember when Bill broke his arm a couple years ago and he had to do some physical therapy? We'll have to help Dad do some memory therapy. He's already doing really well and we'll work with him until he's back to normal. Or…a new normal." I smoothed the girls' hair and straightened my spine. "We'll all be fine, no matter what. Dad is here and while he may not be the dad we remember, he is still our dad. He loves us and we love him and we'll make this all work and be Black Family Perfect, because you know what, family doesn't leave. We don't give up on each other and we don't leave each other foundering, ok?"

They stared at me for a moment. "Mom, what's foundering?" Molly finally asked.

I laughed and hugged her. "Sink. We don't leave one of us to sink. We all sink together."

The twins stared at me as though they thought I was crazy. Ness was chuckling to herself and I grinned. "So, are we in agreement? We'll pull together and work through this?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Let's go make dinner."

I stood up and headed towards the kitchen. I could hear the men coming in from the porch and I caught Jake's eye, smiling at him encouragingly. He grinned back and gave me thumbs up. Jake may not be back yet, but…maybe soon.


	17. Chapter 17: A Test in the Trash

I frowned and pushed the tissues in the trash to the side, grabbing the plastic stick on the bottom. It was wrapped in toilet paper and I'd almost missed it. It was unmistakably a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test that wasn't mine.

I sat down hard on the closed toilet, gripping the plastic in my hand and staring at it in shock. Someone associated with this house was pregnant. God I hoped it was Diana.

"Bells?"

I shook myself and stood up. "Up here, Jake. I'm getting the trash in the kids' bathroom."

He poked his head in and grinned at me. "They're all here. You ready to eat?"

I wordlessly held up the test and sat back down. His eyes widened and he came into the bathroom, sitting on the tub. "Fuck you're pregnant?"

"No. I had my period last week, remember?"

He blinked for a second, his face blank and then he nodded. "Oh right. Yeah." He had moments like this all the time. We were all getting used to them after two years, but it was still slightly annoying to have to remind him of simple things, things he should know.

He momentarily relaxed before it struck him. "Whose is it then?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

We sat in silence for a bit before he stood up. "Well, everyone's here. It's time to eat."

I nodded and stood up with him, glancing at the test in my hand one last time before stuffing it in the trashcan and heading out of the bathroom. Jake was behind me, quiet and thoughtful.

"So, worst case scenario?" he asked in a low voice as we started downstairs towards the loud laughter that was a staple whenever all our children were home.

"Molly," I sighed. "She and whatshisname have been way too friendly recently if you ask me."

He grunted in response and stopped me just before we walked into the living room. "If it is her, we'll be fine. We'll figure it out."

I nodded and squeezed his hand before turning and heading in. Dad was sitting in his chair and Olivia was perched on the arm, leaning against him while his arm was around her waist. Diana, Ness and Bill were on the couch while Molly demonstrated some kind of self defense move on her oldest brother. Jake and I walked in just in time to see our petite fifteen year old daughter flipping her twenty-two year old brother over her shoulder and put her heel to his throat.

Jake raised his eyebrows. "Well, I know who I want taking care of me in my old age," he joked, offering Lucas a hand up from the floor.

Lucas chuckled and dusted his pants off. "No shit. I think I want her looking after me."

"Are we ready to go?" Dad looked up at me with a smile. I nodded, deciding to keep the pregnancy test a secret for now.

"Yep. Let's load up and head out."

"We can take two in our car," Lucas volunteered, pulling on his coat.

"Dibs!" shouted Bill, startling us all.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Gee, are we really that bad?"

His face flushed. "No, but I spend lots of time with you people. I don't get to see them that often."

I chuckled as Jake helped me into my coat. "That's fine. I don't mind."

"I'll ride with them, too," Ness volunteered. "That way the car isn't so crowded."

"Works for me. Now let's go, I'm hungry." Dad led the way, practically to the car before he was finished talking.

A few years earlier, Jake had splurged and gotten us a three row vehicle so we could fit everyone at once. It was nice to have all the space, but even nicer when we caravanned. I climbed in the second row with Liv while Molly scrambled into the back row and Dad and Jake were up front. We all buckled in and Jake pulled out, following Lucas' little four door something or other. All of the boys could tell anyone all the exact specifications of the car. I could care less. I knew it was a blue sedan type car.

The others were talking easily but my mind was wandering. I mentally pictured Diana, but the girl was a rail, just like her dad. Always had been. I had a feeling she'd start showing the day she got pregnant. I moved on to Ness. She wasn't as thin, being of sturdier stock than Diana, but she was still pretty trim. It wasn't entirely outside the realm of possibility, though. Next was Olivia. She was just fifteen and so shy. She didn't even have a boyfriend. I refused to think about her being sexually active so moved on. Molly. I could believe it of my second daughter, sadly. She was outgoing, flirty, and had a boyfriend who I'd caught dry humping her more than once. That fact alone was horrifying.

We pulled into the restaurant parking lot and I frowned. "Is that Edward's car?"

"Where?" Jake craned his neck, searching.

"Over there," I pointed.

We climbed out and peered across the poorly lit parking lot. "Maybe?" Jake pondered, turning and locking the doors to the car. "Why would he be here?"

I grabbed his arm as Dad and the girls headed in ahead of us. "Maybe they're engaged," I whispered. "They did ask to do this dinner tonight even though I offered to cook. Jake, maybe they're the ones who are pregnant."

He shrugged and slipped his arm around my shoulders. "Well, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. We were pregnant with Lucas before we got married."

"Oh no we weren't," I laughed. "We were trying, but we weren't pregnant yet. He was conceived a month or so after."

Jake frowned and nodded slowly. "Oh. Right."

I patted his cheek and followed in behind the others who were already seated. Edward and his current girlfriend were there along with Diana's younger brothers. It was a large party and the presence of the Cullen's made me pretty sure there was an engagement about to be announced. I felt myself relaxing when I realized that they were probably the parents to be.

Edward stood up and came around the table when Jake and I came in, pulling me into a full body hug. "Bella, how are you? It's been a while," he grinned, holding me out at arm's length and looking me over. "You look great."

I laughed and squeezed his biceps. "I'm good. It has, what, since Jake was in the hospital?"

"Something like that." He turned to Jake, the grin still in place. "Jake, how are you?"

"Oh, better than I deserve," Jake chuckled, shaking Edward's hand companionably. "How's business?"

I stepped around them, lightly touching Jake's arm as I settled into an empty chair by Tanya, Edward's girlfriend. She was a beautiful woman, tall and statuesque with gorgeous red-gold hair and flawless skin I would kill for.

"Hi Tanya," I smiled, extending my hand. "I'm Lucas' mom, Bella."

She laughed and shook my hand. "I've heard a lot about you from both the kids and from Edward. I'm happy to finally meet you."

I made a face. "Good things I hope."

"Oh of course," she laughed. "Everyone around here seems to just adore you."

I flushed and took a sip of the water on the table. "Well, I don't know about that. Do you have any teenage daughters at home?"

Tanya laughed again and shook her head. "No, I don't have any kids. I just play mom to Edward's three."

We talked easily for the rest of the meal, joking around with the rest of the group. The two families hadn't spent a lot of time together in the past, mostly because of the tension between Edward and Jake, but ever since Jake's illness, his personality had changed so drastically you'd think he and Edward were bosom buddies. I could definitely see the two families merging for events and parties in the future.

Towards the end of the meal, Lucas and Diana stood up and announced their engagement and pregnancy, just like I'd guessed. I squeezed Jake's hand in excitement and he flashed me a grin in the dim light of the restaurant. We all cheered and congratulated them, earning some curious looks from the rest of the restaurant patrons, but we didn't care. The wine and champagne and sparkling grape juice were passed around and we all imbibed heartily.

After a couple hours, we headed out, stumbling a little towards our cars. Ness wordlessly took the keys from her dad and climbed into the driver's seat of the vehicle and the rest of us piled into the back. Lucas, Diana and Bill followed behind in their car.

There was a flurry of activity at the house for a while before everything quieted down and the house went quiet. Jake was sitting up in bed reading while I brushed my teeth and washed my face for bed.

"So, Bells, you ready to be a grandparent?" he asked when I flipped off the light and came to bed.

I snorted and thumped my pillow a couple times before rolling over to look up at him. "No. Are you?"

He shrugged and closed his book on his finger. "It'd be nice to have babies around again without all the shitting and screaming."

"True," I admitted. "I always loved that sweet baby smile and the cuddles and everything. I miss having babies around."

"Me too." He reached over with his free hand and brushed my hair back from my face. "Are you going to hurt me if I point out you've got some gray?"

I laughed and shook my head, catching his hand in mine. "No. after all we've been through the past few years, I'm surprised I'm not totally gray."

"Your mom's not gray."

"My mom has help."

He grinned and slipped his bookmark into his book and set it on the table beside him, flipping off the light and snuggling down in the bed beside me, pulling me against his chest and kissing my forehead. "What if we have another baby?"

I tensed, stunned. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"Because we're nearly fifty, Jake."

"So?"

I laughed and shook my head. "It's risky for one thing and for another, we're too tired to have a baby around here. Can you imagine that?"

"Easily. We'd have all the older kids to help out. It wouldn't be like before. We've got experience and help."

"You're insane." I rolled away from him and pulled the blankets up over my shoulder.

"Sure sure," he chuckled, spooning me, his arm snaking around my waist and up to cup my breast.

I woke up a couple hours later to the sound of retching. I pried Jake's arms off of me and crawled out of bed, ready to do my motherly duty. I shuffled down the hall sleepily towards the crack of light from the hall bathroom. I pushed the door open and froze.

Liv looked up at me guiltily. "Hey Mom."

I stared at her, stunned. I sighed softly and sank down to the edge of the tub. "You?"

She sat back and wiped her mouth. "Me," she responded tiredly.

I reached for her and pulled her up onto the tub beside me. She rested her forehead against my neck and started to cry softly.

"I'm so sorry," she hiccupped after a while. "I'm not sure what happened."

"Who?"

"A boy at school. Curtis Smith."

"Why?"

She sighed and sat forward, holding her head in her hands. "I don't know. We were on the field trip to Seattle and we were making out and then…" she stopped and took a shuddering breath. "What am I gonna do, Mama?"

I smoothed her hair. "Did he force you, baby?"

She shook her head, still staring down at the tile floor. "No."

We were quiet, thinking. She seemed to be done throwing up so I finally stood and flushed the toilet, wetting a wash cloth and draping it over the back of her neck before handing her some tissues to wipe her face. She looked up at me gratefully.

"What do you want to do?" I finally asked, sitting on the closed toilet and studying her.

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"And Curtis? Does he know?"

She shook her head again. "No."

"He needs to know. The two of you should talk about this and make some kind of decision together. You know Daddy and I will support you, right? And that we love you?"

She finally looked up and met my eyes. "You're not pissed?"

I smiled sadly at her. "I'm not happy, but you're my baby and I love you. I don't have to love the things you do, but I will always love you." I flipped the wash cloth so the cooler side was against her skin. "Dad may be upset at first, but he'll come around. He's wanting more babies, actually."

She stared at me horrified. "You mean you and he…?"

I laughed and shook my head. "You know, you'll be glad if you're our age and still hot for your spouse."

She blushed and sat up, pushing her thick hair over her shoulder. "Who says I'll have a spouse if I have a kid at 15?"

"It can totally happen," I said firmly. "The right guy might come along." I studied her for a moment. "Are you saying you want to keep it?"

She rubbed her face, a total Jake move so odd on my tiny little daughter. "Maybe?"

"Well, get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow, ok?" I stood up and offered her my hand. She stood up and dropped the washcloth onto the edge of the tub. I pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "Everything will be fine, sweetie."

She nodded, her arms tight around me. I walked her to her room and watched while she climbed into the twin bed in the small room she and Molly shared. Molly was dead to the world, sprawled across the bed like her dad and brothers.

As I walked back to my room, I peeked in on the others. Ness was buried under a mound of pillows and Bill was half off the bed. Diana was snuggled close to Lucas, who had wrapped his arms around her protectively. All were blissfully unaware of the world around them for the moment, lost in the land of dreams and possibilities.

Even Jake was snoring loudly when I finally got to our room. He stirred slightly as I climbed into the big bed, reaching for me sleepily.

"Everything ok?"

"Everything's fine. Go back to sleep."

He tucked my body into his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head and falling back asleep almost immediately. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, relishing how he felt against me and the steady thrumming of his heart against my cheek. I couldn't imagine a world where I didn't have this and I didn't want to.

Tali: Couple notes: I'm going out of the country on Thursday. I'll be in London for three days then in Paris for three days, then in my home town for three days. It makes for a crazy good time and about zero writing time. I'm attempting to write two chapters in the space of a few days but we'll see. Even if I do get another chapter written, there's no guarantee I'll remember to post it while I'm gallivanting around Paris and yes, I do plan to gallivant.

Also, speaking of pregnancy, I'm pregnant! Six weeks, so my baby is roughly the size of a lentil bean. I have no idea how big that is, but it's wee. This puts me due around Christmas. Yippee?

I've been named the writer of the month for "The Best of the Best: Team Jacob" community! Mostly for this story, I believe. That's exciting! I found out on Monday, my wedding anniversary (happy anniversary honey!) and the next day found out I'm pregnant. So, it's been a pretty good week. (I'm writing this May 8.)

Have a great couple of weeks and I'll see you soon!


	18. Chapter 18: Dancing with the Family

I shifted slightly in my seat, smiling as Liv twirled around the dance floor with James. The tall blond man was beaming down at her and it warmed my heart. He'd gone through the gauntlet with the family in the last few years, having to pass inspection from her brothers and sisters and from Patrick, her son, and had passed with flying colors. He knew that if he hurt her, he'd be simply a blip on the news as "man who disappeared." Surprisingly, he was ok with that.

My eyes wandered across the dance floor, lighting on Diana and Lucas, her arms around his neck and his around her waist as they swayed slowly to the music, laughing and talking quietly to each other. It was a good evening. The air was warm and there was no rain for the first evening in a long time. I shifted again, craning my neck to look down at Eddie fast asleep against my chest. His mouth was hanging open and he was dead to the world. I rubbed his back and shifted him to the side and cradled him that way.

"Hey beautiful."

I looked up and smiled at Jake. "Hey handsome."

"You look pretty content there." He traced the curve of Eddie's cheek with the tip of his finger. "Being a grandparent isn't too bad."

I chuckled. "No, it's actually pretty nice. Spoil them rotten then send them home."

He grinned. "Hell yeah." He held up a closed fist and I bumped it lightly, laughing softly. "So you wanna pass him off and come dance with me?"

"Pass him to who?" I laughed again. "All our kids are busy with their kids and significant others. I'm fine."

"Edward might enjoy holding his namesake. Or Tanya."

I sighed and looked down at Eddie's pink cheeks. "Yeah. Go get him then."

Jake kissed my head as he stood up and headed over to the table where Edward and Tanya were talking quietly, a half drunk bottle of champagne in front of them. Jake leaned over and Edward's gaze came towards me and he nodded. I stood up then and carefully walked over, smiling and nodding at guests as I passed them.

"It's my turn," he chuckled, easily taking Eddie from me. "You've had him for ages."

"Oh come on, I get to see him as often as you do," I protested.

"I think they should move back," Tanya decided, tucking the blanket around the small boy. "I don't get enough of him or Izzy."

"Speaking of," I muttered, looking around "where is that trio?"

We all scanned the room, looking for Izzy, Patrick, and Asher. The three six year olds were a terror when they got together…something we frequently tried to avoid.

"I'm sure they're fine," Jake shrugged, grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the dance floor.

I gave him a look. "Ok, but you get to bail them out this time."

He grinned and pulled me into his chest, lightly waltzing me around the room. "So did you enjoy today?"

"I did," I smiled up at him. "Did you?"

"Immensely. Did you like your surprise?"

I laughed and immediately looked at my new diamond ring. "I love it. How can you afford this though?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Jake," I protested and he shook his head, tightening his grip on my waist.

"No, Bells. I took care of it. Everything is fine and you get a gorgeous gift that is only an iota of how gorgeous you are to me."

I smiled up at him. "Well, thank you."

"You're welcome." He leaned down and kissed me lightly.

We danced in comfortable silence, my head resting comfortably on his chest. No one had really prepared me for all the ups and downs of life. I thought I knew what it would be like to be married to Jacob Black. I thought I knew how to raise children. I was so wrong it was funny. Life was funny, in a way. If I looked back to when I was the twins' age, I'd see a tiny little girl with big dreams and hopes of marrying her pre-med student boyfriend, settling down with him in a big city and living a fabulously glamorous life full of exotic trips and expensive gifts. Instead I'd gotten heartbreak, strain, anxiety, laughter, tears, late night vomiting, and a quiet home in our hometown. Really, I was pretty sure I'd gotten the better end of that bargain.

"Mama!"

I turned and grinned as Asher threw himself towards us, his face flushed from exertion and excitement. I scooped him up and settled him on my hip. "What, baby?"

"Patrick and Izzy were…"

"Stop," I interrupted him. "Are you about to tattle?"

He scowled at me. "I was just gonna tell you what they did."

"I don't want to hear what they did."

"But I'm their uncle. They have to listen to me."

"No they don't," I countered. "You're the same age as they are."

He sighed loudly, throwing himself backwards. It was lucky Jake was there or he would have ended up on the floor. Jake caught him and took him from me.

"Asher, you need to behave tonight, remember? And no pouting about it either."

I could tell Asher didn't want to give up his pouting or his dismay at not being heard or obeyed but he nodded sullenly. Jake kissed his cheek loudly, causing Asher to squirm and giggle. I came in on the other side and kissed his cheek while Jake and I tickled his sides. He was screaming with laughter when we finally set him down. He collapsed on the floor, panting and staring at the ceiling for a moment before jumping up. He wrapped his arms around my knees.

"Love you Mama."

"Love you too." I laughed as he took off after Patrick, the never ending game of Tag resuming. I caught Diana's eye across the room and she laughed and shook her head, turning back to Lucas.

"You know," I said softly as Jake pulled me back for another dance "the strangest thing in my life was probably being pregnant at the same time as my daughter and my daughter in law."

Jake laughed, the sound echoing across the room. "Really? Stranger than being pregnant at the same time as Renee?"

"God yes," I nodded. "I was 47 years old, my daughter in law was 22 and my daughter was 15. It was surreal to say the least."

"Well, it won't happen again, we made sure of that."

I nodded. "We probably should have sooner."

"But then we wouldn't have Asher," he pointed out.

Just then, there was a crash from another part of the room and a loud wail. I shot him a look. "That boy is going to be the death of me. He's worse than the other five combined."

Jake laughed and kissed my temple. "I'm on it." He disappeared across the room while I made my way back to my table. Ness was there now, grinning at Ryan as he danced with their tiny daughter, spinning her around so her floaty skirt billowed around her.

"Hey Mom."

"Hey Sweetie." I sat next to her and watched Ryan and Sarah. "Are you going to stay at the house tonight?"

She nodded. "If that's ok."

"Of course it is," I said indignantly. "You know Dad would be disgruntled if he didn't get more time with Sarah."

She chuckled. "Grandpa sure does have a soft spot for her," she admitted. "More so than Izzy I think."

I grinned. "Izzy's bossy. Sarah snuggles. He's old enough he just wants a snuggler at this point."

"True."

Bill appeared then, carrying Asher over his shoulder. "I think this belongs to you," he joked, dropping his younger brother onto the floor gently.

"Hey," exclaimed Asher, jumping up. "You dropped me."

"No I didn't," Bill said innocently. "You leaped off my back like Spiderman."

Asher stared at him for a moment. "No I didn't," he said finally. "You dropped me."

"Whatever, dude."

"Can I sleep at Bill's tonight?" Asher demanded, turning to me and dropping the conversation momentarily.

I looked at Bill and he nodded slightly. "Well, I don't know. Grandpa might miss you."

"He'll survive."

I laughed. "He will?"

Asher nodded eagerly. "Yeah. I wanna stay with Bill."

"Well, ok, but you have to do everything he says, understand?"

"Sure sure." Asher looked up at Bill. "Let's go. I'll help you pick up chicks."

Bill burst out laughing and shook his head at me. "I swear, it was just that once." I quirked an eyebrow at him and pulled Asher to me, kissing his forehead.

"I'll see you in the morning sweetie. Breakfast at the house, ok?"

"Ok ok. Bye Mama."

"Bye baby."

"I'm not a baby," he said exasperatedly as he walked off with Bill.

I laughed and sat back. Ness was grinning at me and I lightly pushed her. "You wait until Sarah's like that."

"Oh I'm dreading it. Did it just break your heart when we wanted to hang out with other people?"

I shook my head. "Not really. There were so many of you I welcomed having one less around. Since Asher's the only one left, it is a little sad but we're dealing."

Jake appeared across the room then, Patrick over one shoulder and Izzy over the other. Both were laughing hysterically as he spun wildly, pretending to be in search of the source of their laughter. He first passed Izzy off to Lucas who sat her on his shoulders and then Patrick to Liv and James. Everyone around the room was slowly gathering their children and belongings. It was late and time to go home. Bill and Asher hadn't quite left yet. I could see Asher talking to a pretty redhead who was laughing and eyeing Bill flirtatiously. It was probably a good thing those two were 16 years apart. Any closer and they'd be a fierce team.

"Hey, if I could just have everyone's attention for a moment, I'll be quick." Heads around the room pivoted toward Jake where he stood on the DJ's platform, a glass of champagne in one hand and the mic in the other. "I want to thank everyone for coming. It's been a great evening and we've had a lot of fun. Or…I have anyway." a low chuckle circled the room. "I mostly want to thank the reason we're all here tonight. Bella, stand up, would ya?"

I blushed bright red but I stood up anyway. I'd get him for this later.

"A lot of you know our story so I won't go into the details, but I want to thank Bella for taking a chance on a guy she knew and for marrying me anyway. Thanks for the six gorgeous kids around the room and for the home you've made for all of us. A house is not a home without someone like Bella Black and I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I don't want a life without you in it. You are my heart, my soul, my sun and moon, my starlit night. You are my everything and I love you more than words can say." He stopped for a moment and I wiped at my eyes. Ness wrapped her arm around my shoulders and squeezed.

"It's been a great thirty years, babe. A roller coaster of a ride and I hope you'll keep me around for another thirty. To thirty years." He raised his glass then and everyone around the room did so as well.

After we drank, I crossed the room and took the mic. "I'm not as eloquent right now so I'll just say…thanks for being there, thanks for being my sun in the darkness. And let's just get through the next year, then we'll talk."

There was a laugh and I pulled him down for a kiss. I had definitely gotten the better end of the bargain.

Tali: So, this…was a one shot. Lol started out that way anyway. I'm kind of glad you all encouraged me to continue it. I really love this story, it may be in my top five favorites of my own stories. Yes, I have favorites. I'm a bad story mama.

I hope you've enjoyed this little journey as much as I have. Love and peace to all!


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